He is Greater.....John 3:30 says He must become greater, I must become less"

We have a stack of Christmas story books.  Every year when Thanksgiving day ends, we switch gears to Christmas holiday season.  We go get our tree from the tree farm.  I haul out all the decorations and Christmas music CDs and we start making our Christmas lists.  We enter in to the season of Advent and purpose ourselves to focus on the birth of Christ more than the commercial holiday....but you guys....it's just so hard.  It is hard to not get sucked in to the buying and decorating and hoping and excessiveness.....it is hard to not want to give and spend and give and splurge and give some more....I get swept up in the wave of it all.  The Christmas books are sweet and simple and many of them remind me to focus on what really matters.  Sitting beside my beautiful tree with twinkly lights summons me to sit and feel peace......the nativity scenes I set around the house remind me that it is about Jesus.....so why do I still want to spend and compare and plan and stress over it?  Wh

Last year at this time I was beginning to dread the end of life with Claire living at home.  We were talking about college and celebrating and grieving the last home football game, the last dance competition, etc.  Not gonna lie....it was heart-breaking.  I have figured out how to add birdies to my nest but Claire was the first one to teach me how to let them leave the nest.  Her senior year of high school was as bittersweet as it gets.  Dark chocolate mixed with Himalayan sea salt......ice cream topped with cantaloupe.....you get the picture.  good and bad, sweet and not, mixed feelings.  I cried many tears trying to wrap my brain around her not being here every day.  I didn't want her to stay forever.  I wanted her to spread her wings and fly.  I wanted to see what she could do with what we had given her.  But I really, really didn't want her....to go.  She did go.  She didn't go far but she did go.  She is mostly gone.  I tried not to text her and call her for silly

Hello internet programming.....I want to talk to you.  Today I was making dinner and listening to a show that my Josiah was watching on You tube Kids.  It was one of those vlog shows and they were having yet another extravagant Christmas party.  Everyone was dressed in matching pjs and the parents gave eachother thoughtful, tear-jerking gifts....and the kids all got about 24 different presents...and every one was happy, aunts and uncles and grandparents.....Josiah will be sadly mistaken and disappointed by our Christmas after watching episode after episode of this crap.  And yes.  It's my fault because I let him watch it so that I could cook a wholesome meal at home on a Thursday night.  I cannot keep up with how much internet/social media advice there is on which foods and chemicals and cleaning items are toxic and dangerous.  Apparently I can't eat regular salt any more.  It has to be Himalayan pink salt crystals now.....and I can't dust with Pledge or use walmart make

We had a very thankful day today.  I got to wake up and have all of my people at home.  Knowing they would all wake up and stagger into the kitchen at some point for breakfast was heart-warming.  No college.  No early morning lifting or early morning conference calls......we had our church service last night and were given a chance to remember several families in our congregation who had struggles this year and had reasons to give thanks.  It was a great way to set up the holiday today.  We didn't make plans to go Black Friday shopping.  We did make our plan to go as a family to pick out our tree from the tree farm.  We also drew names for Christmas presents.  Mostly, though, we watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and football, ate lots of food, relaxed in our home and took naps.  We spent time with family we don't get to see very often.  We remembered important connections.  I remembered Thanksgivings over the years, especially when I was young and I felt very ve

This morning we attended a church service that we try to do every year.  It is the annual Orphan Sunday service at First Reformed Church here in town, and we go as a part of the community that is Katelyn's Fund.  If you want any more info on this ministry please let me know or just google it.  When we began our adoption journey 10 years ago we reached out to Katelyn's Fund to help with the financial burden....and we also received emotional and relational support from this group.  Our daughter Claire joined the Katelyn's Fund family independently when she went on a trip to Haiti to meet and interact with the kids and staff of One Vision Children's Home, whom KF supports.  She met Withney there.  He is a little boy that came into care.....and needed sponsorship.  We have been his sponsor for 3 years now.  Roger couldn't come with us this time because he was home with a nasty virus.  My big man-cub  boys have come to this service for at least 9 years, so they knew w

He made the moon to mark the seasons, and the sun knows when to go down.  Psalm 104:19 Lord God Almighty, maker of heaven and earth was so thoughtful and intentional in His creation of the world,  of the universe.....He made the moon to mark the seasons.....to number our days each month, to reflect all the changes in  time, and to help us understand seasons.  My favorite moon is harvest moon.....when it dominates the dark sky and glows brightly, to let us know which season is ending and which is beginning. Seasons do that.  They end and begin.  The season of fall will give way to winter in a few weeks......and every season gets to take its turn with us for awhile.  The same is true for seasons of suffering and trials, I think.  We were never promised a hassle-free life.  We should not be surprised when it is our turn to deal with hard things.  The past 12 months have been a rather hard season for me, for multiple reasons and I feel like I am beginning to come out of that season. 

November is National Foster Care and Adoption Month!  If you know me even a little bit you probably know how much I love this topic.  Since I was a very young girl, I have had a heart for adoption.....and rescue.....and to set the lonely in families.  For me it is foster care and adoption months all 12 months of the year, but for the rest of the nation, we raise awareness in November.  Tonight the annual Katelyn's Fund auction took place.  We have been a part of this ministry for years and years and we love it so much.  We had planned to attend the auction dinner and stay for part of the actual auction fun, then go to the college for a home basketball game because Claire danced at half time.  We didn't have funds to donate any big ticket items or to buy any, but I decided to donate a meal a month for a year.  Of course, I first called my mom and asked if she would help me do it....because I am NOT crazy, after all.  (insert snicker....chuckle....giggle.....its ok).  Precio

I've been thinking about perspective today.  I went for a walk because it is late October and the sun was shining and my weather app said it was 60 degrees.  Along the way, I noted that 60 degrees on October 29 with significant wind is not as warm and pleasant as 60 degrees in April after a long dark cold winter.  60 should be 60 right?  60 is not 60.  60 is only the temperature of the company that it keeps.  Let that sink in a bit.  60 is only as warm or cold as the company it keeps.  Metaphorically speaking....so are you and I.  I am only as warm or cold or generous or selfish as the company that term keeps.  It is all relative to what is around me, what else is considered in the moment.  I can be extravagantly selfish on Monday morning with my music playing and a hot cup of tea and a room full of quiet peace......but I cannot be that selfish at 5:30pm when my family is all around me and waiting for dinner, a ride here or there, a chance to discuss something important, or a sp

Being a parent is just hard.  It is the hardest thing ever.  Because I know this, I have chosen a career working with young parents.....as if I don't get enough at home.  Yikes.  I'm sitting here in the dark typing a blog because what I really want to do is watch my latest Netflix binge series....but I can't because Ms. Precious apparently cannot sleep tonight.  So she is in my room, in her nest on the floor.  tossing and turning.  I want to yell at her and force her to go back to her bed right this minute because, quite frankly, I am done parenting today.  I won't do that.  That won't help her.  Or me.  Her nest is our compromise for her restlessness.  She is not in our bed anymore.....but she sometimes cannot sleep in her bed either.  I just want some solitude....I just want some privacy and some down time....to watch my stupid (albeit inappropriate) Netflix show.  It's called Orange is the New Black.  It is wonderful and aweful.  Don't watch it, seriousl

I left a meeting today, well, a "conversation" about assessing the strengths and barriers and possible interventions regarding our community and the ability to access mental health services.  I love that I live in a community that cares about this and that wants to improve.  Social diseases and community deficits and potential threats and opportunities for Holistic health are the nursing world I live in.  Families and children are my why.  I left the meeting to go to the hospital because Jeremiah had a follow- up appointment after his surgery last Friday.  Not gonna lie, it has been a rough road to healing for my boy.  The surgery was a big deal and the surgeon was amazing.  He explained today how he opened up the fracture and had to rotate the ulnar bone to get it to lock in.  He put a plate in there and screwed it in place and that plate will have to come out in 6-12 months when he is satisfied with the positioning and in a season without a contact sport for Jeremiah. (

Recently I was at an event at my children's school.  I was talking to another mom and had to excuse myself because a client was asking for help.  She needed formula for her baby and had run out and it was a Saturday....and she wasn't able to get any over the weekend.  Food pantries aren't open on weekends either.  All of the women I work with know that if they need food for their children they should tell me and I will help them.  I left the school event to go and get some formula for this kiddo and the mom I was talking to was influenced.  I told her I had found a $20 in my cupboard that morning that someone had gifted to me months ago, for such a time as this, and so on this day that $20 would find its need.  Last week this mom friend from school sent me a $50 bill in a sweet card, telling me to use it when I needed to for the families I work with.  How cool is that? My husband has been gone for about 10 days for work so I have functioned like a single mom.  I have had

Recently, a friend asked me if I had any parenting advice.  She said she felt like I had really good kids and wondered if I had any tips or secrets.  I agreed that we do have really, really good kids.  They are kind and respectful.  (at least they better be.....if not someone better let me know)  In the moment, the only advice I could think of was to be present.  To be available and mostly home when they leave and when they come back in.  Be at their events and be at the dinner table.  Cook food and serve it to them, even if its just one at a time sometimes.....but other than being present and home, I have considered something else that I think makes a difference.  Attachment parenting.  You can google it and look up definitions.  It includes all of the definitions you can read but it also includes much more.  The essence of attachment parenting is to be in tune with your child, to pay attention to their cues and their needs and their emotions and to parent them responsively.  This

I'm making soup today.  It is a chilly Saturday afternoon.  We went to a college football game today and Josiah felt like he didn't need to wear a coat.  Then he got soaking wet at the water fountain because, well, I was watching the game.  Precious forgot mittens because "you didn't bring any for me!"   Jeremiah?  well, he put a sweatshirt on and a glove over his cast and he is half grown so I'm not gonna offer him much advice beyond that.  It was about 45 degrees with a cold wind and we sat at football.  Isaac got up this morning and, as promised to dad, got on the roof to blow leaves out of the gutters.  He had a head cold.  He said when he got home from the (also freezing) game last night his room was hot so he opened the window and fell asleep with it open.  I am making soup today.  My 16 year old boy has the sniffles.  Last night we went to Isaac's game.  It was so cold.  So so cold.  We had to park a half mile away from the field.....and use port

Today I was able to have a long over-due visit with a very sweet friend.  I was able to do this because I decided that Josiah could and should do the Friday added day at school called Kinder care.  I had to pay extra for it but especially on days like today, it was worth it.  I'm trusting I can scrounge up the extra $$$.   Friday Kinder care is super fun.  He says there is no work and they play all day.  Interactive, brain-stimulating, endorphin-releasing, confidence-building play.  Yes.  and Amen.  He is bored at home with me since I often need to do some documentation on Fridays, and emails, and running errands like getting groceries......playing with a classroom full of other 5 year olds is way more fun! My sweet friend and I have not been able to sit together and share about our lives for awhile.  We both talked a lot and cried a bit and prayed together.  My empty cup began to fill and fill and fill.....and hopefully hers did too.  We are both busy moms with lots of activiti

The day we took Claire to college this week was very emotional.  Lots of emotional things happened this week.  One unexpected thing that happened was after we got home from moving Claire on Wednesday, Precious broke down in tears.  She cried long and loud and hard.  Kleenex after Kleenex filled with tears and snot and slobber and nothing I said helped soothe her.  It was incredibly frustrating and I felt very helpless.  I wanted to sit and cathartic cry myself but this daughter of mine was absolutely wrecked.  She cried because she would miss Claire so so much.  She cried because "who would snuggle us when she babysits us?"   I tried to cheer her up by looking at the facebook pictures of new teachers at school since school would start the next day.  That made it worse.....a new PE teacher?  But she loves the one from last year......and on and on.  At one point she said "everything is different!" and I started to understand her little heart just a wee bit.  Parents,

Last night Josiah could not wait to go to bed.  He wanted to sleep really fast so that he could wake up and go to his first day of kindergarten today.  He willingly took a bath.  He set out his clothes and shoes.   We found our classic book:  Mrs. Bindergaten gets ready for Kindergarten.....which I have read to at least the youngest 2 kiddos before they started school.  (I also have It's Great to be Five! if anyone needs to borrow that one.)  Sharing his excitement to finally get to board the bus and go to school after watching older siblings do this year after year is such a great pleasure to me.  He is a very special little boy and when I see him I am reminded that God is a God of great gifts and mercies and hope and goodness.  God is a God of miracles and of mystery.  God is a God of not just the happy, shining moments, but also the quiet whispers and hard truths....and God is very very good at being Sovereign and  in control of our lives if we choose to let Him.    Josiah show

And then August 21 happened and all of the craziness of moving to college, starting high school and starting kindergarten stopped for a bit.  We hit a pause button for Precious Maryn because she turned 9 years old today.  Nine.  For 9 years she has been our child and when I think of her life so far, and what she represents and how much influence she has had so far......I am in awe of what her future holds.  Precious opened our world to an understanding of things and culture and sensitivity and awareness in ways we would never have.  She created a community for us that would not have been forged....and it is about adoption and ethnic understanding and sensory world and ADHD and pre-maturity and exceptional deep Holy Spirit love...because she does all of that she teaches us every day.  Precious is breath-takingly beautiful.  She had a deep and complex soul that is much older than her years.  She struggles with mundane and ordinary things but exchanges that struggle for a very deep und

Jeremiah was getting ready for bed last night after football practice.  I was downstairs switching laundry, as I often am.  He came in and said, "mom do you know (insert girls name I won't share)?   I didn't know her.  I asked why.  He said she had asked him if she could wear his football jersey at school this year.  "Wow!  What did you say?"  I asked.  He told her he didn't want people thinking they liked each other.  She assured him that wouldn't happen.  What?  Jeremiah!  What if she likes you?  What if this was her way of hinting to you????????????   By this time I am trailing behind him as he makes a bee-line for his bedroom......because I want to TALK ABOUT THIS!!!!!!!!!  Is she  cute?  Could you like her?   He closed the door on my face and said "Goodnight mom!"   Good talk Jeremiah.  Good talk.  Jeremiah starts high school on Thursday.  High School.   I have no idea how we got here.  2 blinks ago I was walking him into Kindergarten...

Isaac is at work this Sunday night. . He works most of the Sunday nights lately because football season has begun which keeps him busy most of the week.  I asked 2 years ago when he started working at Culvers that he not work before 2pm on Sundays so that we could have our Sunday dinner as a family.  It is often the only meal we can all share at the same time.  The management has honored that request.  They also asked him to consider doing the shift manager training which is kind a cool.  It's not the best paying job with the best hours but its a pretty good gig for a high school kid. I noticed last evening that the weather felt different.  It was still warm but felt a cooler version of warm.....and tonight I noticed that it is getting dark earlier.  Football season, cooler days, earlier sunsets.....the season is changing again. Summer is on its way out and Fall is knocking at the door.  For Isaac, he will start his junior year at Western Christian High School.  He got to choo

Today Claire came home from work and we sat at the table for awhile.  Oh boy, if my dining room table could talk......there are more memories soaked into this table that I can recount, and more tears and bursts of laughter than I can ever remember.  There are more lists and memos and plans etched into it that I could ever save...... She is making her lists for moving to college.  It's true that she is only moving a couple hundred feet away to the college in our town, but she is still moving out.  She is taking all of the things she uses every day and she is setting up a life in a dorm on a college campus with a new roommate and a whole new world.  In 4 days we will move her out.  It is so weird.  It is the weirdest thing ever.  Adding children to our home is not weird at all.  Figuring out how to send them out is.  I'm less sad and more....conflicted, maybe.   I am so excited for her.  Moving to college is probably one of the best experiences that a healthy, well-adjusted

Today was one of those days where you think things will go one way and they  just go somewhere else.  It was kind of like a day at Mall of America.  You walk out of a store and struggle to remember which direction you were headed......and where to go next.  It was a very Wednesday,-ish Wednesday I guess.  The little kids were feeling the same way.  They didn't have daycare today,  or a play date, or a plan.  I was hoping to work from home most of the day.  Precious biked to the library and came home with 8 chapter books.  She asked me if there was anything she could do to earn some money.  I said, "well Precious, I will pay you a dollar a book if you read all those books".  She sat down to read.  Josiah asked if he could do a lemonade stand.  Sigh.  In my head (and maybe out loud) I said I didn't want to do a lemonade stand.  We didn't have supplies or a plan.  No one comes past our house and if they do they drive so fast they would never see little kids set

When I sit in my favorite chair in the morning, with my bible and my devo book heavy in my lap, I sip my perfectly brewed coffee....the house is quiet.  The day is just beginning.   I can read and think and worship and sing and pray.......and the glory of God is closer. That hasn't happened for a couple of weeks.  Seriously.  I remember the last morning it did happen and it was intimate and gracious.  It has been less so lately.  For the past week we have fostered a toddler.  When I said "yes" to this respite placement, I thought it was a 10 month old baby but when I got there, it was an 18 month old toddler.    Toddlers this age are busy and they don't sleep well.  So far, we have 2 days and 1 night left with him and if we can manage that we will return him alive and well to his regular foster placement......and the glory of God will be given praise because we did just that.  Kept him alive and kept him well.  His foster mom won't like me because I didn'

Months ago, I bought a book written by the great John Piper called:  Reading the Bible Supernaturally.....Seeing and Savoring the Glory of God in Scripture.   It has taken me a while to get going in it....it is heavy stuff for me.  I can read a bit, then think about it awhile, chew it up like bubble gum, and then when I feel like I have grasped a concept, I can turn the page and chew some more.  This week I began to read more intentionally and to also ask God to show me His Glory in my days.  I have praised Him for the glory He possesses and shares, I have thanked Him over and over for blessings like legs to walk, a heart to feel, a mind to think, eyes to see and ears to hear.....I don't want to take any of it for granted.  John Piper said this in the book, as he was explaining glorify as it can also mean magnify....."Magnify.  Yes, that is a good word for glorify.  But it is ambiguous.  We do not magnify him  the way a microscope magnifies.  We magnify him the way a telesc

I have a top 10 list going regarding high school baseball.... 1.  Anyone can play high school baseball.  Boys with facial hair and boys who are just starting puberty. 2.  High school baseball happens whether it is raining, windy or 110 degrees....and all the parents come watch.  (There are seldom any other spectators....sometimes grandparents but not often.)  If lightening strikes, however, we have to wait a full 30 minutes before resuming play..... 3.  High school baseball is intense.  The errors are heart-breaking because the players are still children and they feel things deeply....and the victories are spectacular....because the parents are also children at heart.  :) 4.  Strange things happen in the dugout.  Like, older players take bites from younger players hamburgers when they are distracted......and I'm sure much stranger things, too. 5.  Moms yell at umpires.....with a vengeance. 6.  I am one of the moms. 7.  Everyone who has paid to watch the game is an expert i

Psalm 112: 1-3 says this.  "Praise the Lord.  Blessed is the man who fears the Lord, who finds great delight in his commands.  His children will be mighty in the land; the generation of the upright will be blessed.   Wealth and riches are in his house, and his righteousness endures forever."  Oh my word.  God is so, so good.  This is in the bible, folks.  The bible is true.  We have to stand up to some kind of truth and this is mine.  The Holy Bible.  Pick a truth.  Any truth.  Test it.  Live it.   This one will win.   Blessed is the man/woman/child who fears and respects the Lord and who says yes to His design.  Blessed is the man/woman/child ......they will be mighty in the land.  Wealth and riches are in their house.  That's kind of interesting here because we don't live a lifestyle of wealth and riches.  We chose a lifestyle that added a burden of Christian education....and at least 5 children (to date) and we chose to live in a home that had a pool and was o