lots of emotions and a bizarre prayer

The day we took Claire to college this week was very emotional.  Lots of emotional things happened this week.  One unexpected thing that happened was after we got home from moving Claire on Wednesday, Precious broke down in tears.  She cried long and loud and hard.  Kleenex after Kleenex filled with tears and snot and slobber and nothing I said helped soothe her.  It was incredibly frustrating and I felt very helpless.  I wanted to sit and cathartic cry myself but this daughter of mine was absolutely wrecked.  She cried because she would miss Claire so so much.  She cried because "who would snuggle us when she babysits us?"   I tried to cheer her up by looking at the facebook pictures of new teachers at school since school would start the next day.  That made it worse.....a new PE teacher?  But she loves the one from last year......and on and on.  At one point she said "everything is different!" and I started to understand her little heart just a wee bit.  Parents, pray for wisdom to understand our children.  God grants that prayer. 

Precious asked if we could go lay in my bed and snuggle. ( at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon).  It was an easy yes.  We crawled into my big bed that makes her feel so safe and well and we pulled up the covers.  She snuggled in close and I wrapped my arms around her as tight as I could.  Here is what I told her.  I said Precious, you are old enough now to start to understand something important.  I want you to listen to me.  Sometimes things start to change and sometimes lots of things change very quickly and nothing feels familiar for awhile.  That is what is happening right now.  Lots of things are changing and nothing feels familiar.  What I want you to know and please just trust me, is that all these changing things will eventually feel familiar.  Familiar will happen again....but only for awhile until things start to change again.  Summer is ending, you turned 9, Claire moved out, you will move to her bedroom, you will start 3rd grade......you have a new PE teacher and you get to start orchestra.....there are lots of changes.  It is hard to feel safe when things are changing.  You will feel safe again. 

Then I told her about change being stressful.  Stress makes our body release a chemical called cortisol.  Cortisol moves through our bodies when we feel stressed and sometimes it makes us feel unsafe.  Cortisol is good for us though because it helps our bodies manage the stress.  And then, you know what our cool bodies do next?  God created something called endorphins.  They are chemicals too!  When we release endorphins, they make us feel better.  They chase down all the cortisol and wrap it up in big hugs and tell it "it's ok.  it's ok". 

Then I prayed out loud and I asked God by his Holy Spirit to release all the endorphins to find all the cortisol in Precious' body and to wrap it up in big hugs and tell it that its gonna be ok.  I prayed and I prayed and I prayed.  I prayed for a long time.  By the time we finished her breathing was calm and she was better.  I'm not sure it was a physiologically accurate thing, but I believe with all my heart that on Wednesday afternoon God maybe did allow the endorphins to find all the cortisol in Precious and make her feel safe again. 

I said another prayer silently and thanked Father God for helping me see this child's heart and understand her stress and not dismiss her grief.  I could have gotten it all wrong and missed something important.  Wednesday I didn't miss it.  I'm sure I have missed it sometimes but I didn't miss it this one time. 

Emotional things just as powerful have happened multiple times this week.  Maybe I'll share a few more as I unpack them in my heart and mind....we will see what I feel nudged to share or not.  For tonight, on Saturday night, after a full day of Welcome to College student and parent events, and an evening of back to school festivities with the younger kids.....I am an emotionally dry tank.  Roger let me come home early and just sit on the couch in the dark and he went back to the back to school party to watch the outside movie with the little kids....and I am grateful.