He is Greater.....John 3:30 says He must become greater, I must become less"

I am not a crafty person.  If someone asked to describe me I guarantee that "crafty" would not be in the top 10...or even top 20.  You know those box kits of gingerbread houses that Walmart sells every Christmas season?  I always buy them and they turn out horrible and the kids have tantrums and its just not fun.  At all.  I want my kids to be crafty.  I want them to learn to spend free time creating something lovely and feeling proud of what they made.....but I'm a lousy craft mom.  I stood in the craft section of Walmart a long time today looking at knitting needles and crochet hooks.  For some reason I really want Josiah to learn to knit.  I don't knit.  Precious definitely doesn't want to learn....but I think it would be really cool if he could knit.  He could make things when he is bored.  He could be really impressive on the Today show when he is a famous athlete some day and tell about how as a child he would knit hats and scarves and give them as gifts...

Why on earth would I agree to go buy my little birthday boy a bearded dragon?  Easy answer is that he really, really wanted one.  But of course there is more to it than that.  Here is the bigger reason.  First can I just say that after 5 days of having this little critter, today I finally touched it.  Spike needed to eat and I was the only one home.....so after I cleaned the dead crickets out of his food bin, and dumping the fresh jumpy freaky ones into the bin, I picked him up, moved him to the food bin, watched him inhale about 10 crickets, sometimes 2 at a time (oh. my. word) and then I picked him back up and put him back in his tank.  ew.  ew.  ew.  but mission accomplished.  Then, and I kid you not, I had to go cut up some pieces of raw potato to feed the crickets.....to keep them alive until Spike is ready to eat them.  Yes.  Yes I did.  Attachment parenting involved being connected to your child and paying attention to their needs, their cues and their development.  Attachmen

I laid in bed a few extra minutes this morning, praying that today would be a good day.  I asked God for extra strength and energy and patience and joy for the day because not only was it Josiah's birthday but we also had a string base lesson at 7:30am after opening Joe's gifts, then I had plans to go get a 3 yr old and bring him to preschool for the first time.  He didn't know me.  He doesn't speak English.....I was a bit nervous.  I had a staff meeting and a home visit and after the birthday party of 15 children I wanted to go watch Claire perform at the home basketball game..... Josiah loved his birthday gifts and had a great school day and a super fun birthday party.  We went out for ice cream to the "Ice Cream Capital of the World"    (in caps because how do they really decide anyway???), then on to bowling, opening gifts and 3 huge orders of fries before we caravaned home and delivered the 13 first graders plus 2 Kredit kids home safely.  Josiah was s

Yesterday we were part of the Orphan Sunday Celebration that we try to attend every year.  We worshiped and prayed and ate and read scripture together with countless other families who have grown through adoption/foster care.  We love this celebration service every year.....because we are drawn together.  Sometimes, living as a family who has adopted children, can feel very lonely.  Sometimes it is hard.  When children are separated from their first mothers and fathers, and join another family, there is a big deep hole that cannot be filled by love or safety or anything....because they have lost their first people.  Those of us who have adopted children know this and it is hard to find words for it in a way that would help us to feel helped by other people.  Thus.  We gather together and we understand each other and it pours into our hearts and our families and it is good.  Yesterday was good.  I wanted to write down thoughts and feelings but it was a settling space for me yesterday t

I realize that I write about Precious a lot.  I guess she is sort of a muze.  I write about her often because she teaches me so many lessons.  I learn the lesson and then the Lord continues to nudge me to share the lessons with others.  It is not a reflection of loving her more than the other kids....not at all....but for whatever reason she teaches me a lot.  When she was first revealed to her birth mama God told her "This child is precious in my sight and I have great plans for her"....and her mama remembered that and named her Precious.  Her story will likely be big and amazing.  For now, I am a small part of that story and get to share what the Lord reveals, to teach me and to teach the world.  Last summer Precious started to learn to play the String Base.  This instrument is as tall as she is and almost as heavy.  We did 5-6 summer lessons and then set it aside as we got going with a new school year for everyone.  Early October I was talking to her about orchestra and

Luke 21:1-4......."As Jesus looked up, he saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasure.  He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins.  Truly I tell you, he said, this poor widow has put in more than all the others.  All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."  Orphan care and adoption are my "widow's mite".  We have adopted twice and it was costly both times.  It was costly in terms of finances.....we moved into our last adoption with literally nothing but a request from God to do it.  We had to ask for money just to pay the legal fees....it was humbling and it was not fun.  We got it done.  Day after day and year after year we grapple with the financial junk to afford life with 5 children.....if we had waited until we could "afford" to adopt it would never have happened.  We wouldn't have Precious.  We wouldn't have Josiah.  We wouldn't

Well its 9pm and I have almost made it through another Halloween.  It's just not a holiday I enjoy.  It kind of ruins October for me.  The only tv show I really like to watch is the cooking ones on food network and in October its all halloween spooks and gross stuff.  yuck.  I feel like I spend much of my time in prayer fighting spiritual battles, interceding, discerning, asking God to help me fight all the darkness in the world.....and on this day every year the world goes kind of nuts and thinks its fun.  I just don't.  I'm not gonna be a hater or condemn folks who celebrate it....you do you and I'll do me....but for me.....I'm super glad its about done for the year. I've been a mom for 20 years now and have wrestled with this kind of thing over and over.....the Santa part of Christmas, the Easter Bunny part of Easter.....The spooky part of Halloween vs. Reformation Day recognition......there seems to be a worldly pop culture spin and a faith-based, biblica

I had the kind of week that makes you long for Sunday.  I had a lot to do this week, different things than I usually do, like helping pull off a soup supper, run a concessions stand solo while Roger and Jeremiah covered a sileage pile....a really big football game Friday.... a dinner auction Saturday, and it was just a really fun, full, big week.  I knew that if I could make it to Sunday I could rest.  Last night around 9pm I had settled back in at home after my really busy and full week......and I was so anxious to wake up for Sunday.  A morning at church and then......rest.    In our community rest is expected on Sundays.  I've told the kids that it is not this way in the rest of the world......but it is here.  Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it Holy.....and I do realize that it doesn't mean it has to be Sunday....and originally wasn't but that is what we do here.  We keep Sundays set apart for rest and less.  We had lots of things we could have done today....yar

I was texting my mom today, asking her for some folding chairs....and maybe a card table.  I am preparing to have guests tomorrow.  Claire's dance team from college is coming for breakfast.  I have some helpers bringing some of the food but I still needed to prepare the egg bake and buy the cider and hot cocoa mix....and cups and plates and such.  I want it to be a nice table when they come to eat tomorrow....so I spent some time working on it today.  I also did some cleaning.  We have been busy and gone for weeks and weeks and I don't usually invest time in cleaning unless people are coming.  Well.  People are coming. I said to my mom via text,......it's no wonder God put it in the bible to "practice hospitality".  It takes practice.  It isn't easy.  My house isn't big enough or nice enough.....I don't have or don't do all the things that make it lovely and seamless....that's why He said to "practice". Romans 12:13 says "Sh

I want to write about something called "food insecurity"....but first....I want to write about food.  A few weeks ago, Precious and I went and picked some apples from a friend's trees.  It was a warm and breezy Sunday in September.  I decided that if she and I did this together, it would give us a chance to connect, bond, and do something seasonal.  These kinds of experiences are so so good for our brains.  We breathed in the fresh autumn air, we reached high to pick apples, we dropped them in the bucket.....I had plans for apple sauce and apple crisp and all things apple....because it is fall in Iowa.  We got home that day and the apples stayed in the garage because other things needed to happen.  The apples stayed there for a couple of weeks.....and eventually I felt a burden to deal with these apples.  Last week I peeled a bunch of them and tossed them in the crock pot to cook down for apple sauce.  Days earlier I had gone down to my fridge to FINALLY get the buck

Today is my husband's 50th birthday.  Once upon a time, if it was your 50th birthday a big party was expected and everyone said you were "over the hill" and came dressed in black.....but we didn't do that for my 50th.  We went out for supper, we enjoyed each other as a family, and we relaxed.  I am an introvert so that was perfect for me.  I'm not a good party planner so we didn't do the traditional 5-0 for Roger either.  Sorry, hun.  Because it was a Sunday we did go to church together, and Roger's parents came for the weekend.  We went out for lunch.  He got to watch football and nap on the couch.  We were all home together.....which never happens.  Claire and Jonah and Rick and Barb were with us for lunch and then came over tonight for dinner......I think it was a nice day.  I hope he feels loved and validated.  For me, that is a birthday well-spent.  If you end your special day feeling loved and important and noticed and affirmed.....that your place i

I'm sitting in my bed at 10:30pm watching Jimmie Falon and enjoying rhubarb crisp and red wine.  I'm breaking all the rules I put in place for trying to live healthier.....I intended to eat fruit and veggies, get to bed on time, and avoid unnecessary sugar and carbs.  I feel like failure meets me at every turn sometimes......I purposed myself to be more positive and affirming with my kids but heard myself lecturing Precious all the way to dance this afternoon about her lack of initiative and effort with school work and reviewing for tests and practicing the string base.....what the heck?  I only got to see her for moments today.....and everything I said was like word vomit.  Doggon it.  I didn't get the charting done today that needed to be done.  I had a playdate with a baby instead and played peek-a-boo and let him sleep on my chest for at least 3 hours and watched Beat Bobby Flay on food network for way too many minutes.....I managed the concession stand alone for the

Today I was thinking about my daughter.  I had made a plan to meet with her teachers and support staff at school to discuss her learning plan.  We do this a couple of times a year to make sure that she has all the help she needs at school to do well.  I was eagerly anticipating this meeting because once we met I would feel much less anxiety about her school days.  I would have assurance that the people who guide and teach her also understand her and maybe, just maybe, that they would understand me too.  I got to the meeting and we were chatting, waiting for one of the professionals to arrive.  I found myself remembering what life was like 10 years ago when she came home as a newborn.  She didn't sleep.  She fussed and fretted.  She needed a ton of support every day and we had to just learn as we lived each day.  I have learned a lifetime of lessons about the brain, the body, the soul and attachment from this kiddo.  I was trying to figure out how to describe how her brain works,

Today we moved Claire back to college for year 2.  So many times, in the past few days, I remembered what a hot mess I was last year at this time.  I was not prepared to let the first birdie fly from the nest and my heart was breaking because she was moving on into her best life as a young adult.  I had given her the best of me for almost 19 years and now it was time for her to start using all of that to move forward.  I prayed she would make good friends and that she would find her way into God's calling for her life.  I prayed she would have fun and grow in confidence and independence and scholarly wisdom.  When she came home for a Sunday evening I tried to make foods she liked and make being home feel lovely.    I am acutely aware of all the feels going on for my friends who are currently experiencing all of that heart ache as they move their first birdie out......and here is what I know. It gets better.  It doesn't hurt so much for very long.  Tomorrow we get up and mo

2 Kings 4:2-7....Elisha replied to her, "How can I help you?  Tell me, what do you have in your house?"  "Your servant has nothing there at all, " she said, "except a little oil".  Elisha said, "Go around and ask all your neighbors for empty jars. Don't ask for just a few.  Then go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons.  Pour oil into all the jars, and as each is filled, put it to one side."  She left him and afterward shut the door behind her and her sons.  They brought the jars to her and she kept pouring.  When all the jars were full, she said to her son, "Bring me another one.'  But he replied, " There is not a jar left."  then the oil stopped flowing.  She went and told the man of God, and he said, "Go, sell the oil and pay your debts.  You and your sons can live on what is left."  This is the story of a widow who was in danger of losing her sons to slavery.  Her husband had died and she could

Lately I find myself having conversations with people I know well and respect and our topics seem to come to a place of this:   People need to be seen and heard.  People need to be affirmed and validated....they need the space they occupy in the world to......matter.  It doesn't matter if it is a young dancer at a dance camp, or a toddler in a living room, a hurting grandmother at work, a struggling parent.......across the board I see and hear this with the humans I encounter.  I care about respecting the earth we live in.  I care about recycling and planting trees and enjoying sunsets.  I care about animals.....pets in shelters matter.  The baby painted turtle living in my porch matters......by the way, apparently I can't just set it free in a lake at the end of the summer.  Apparently turtles have lots of icky diseases that can cause problems....and I don't really want it to grow to full maturity in my porch.  Send ideas.....please.  I care about social determinants of

Parenting.  No one is really, actually prepared for it.  We try to be.  We read books, we buy stuff, we talk to other parents....we do the childbirth classes and we research breastfeeding tips and tricks....this is my world, its what I do with new families each and every day.  I help them problem-solve through pregnancy, lactation, baby-proofing, potty training, discipline, school readiness......we discuss attachment and trauma-informed care with adoption and other scenarios..... We can only prepare for a fraction of what will actually happen as we parent.  Maybe your kid will throw a fit in public and you will be helpless to fix it.  Maybe someone else will step in and do a better thing than you know how to do...... Maybe your kid will go out and do something independent and wonderful and you can't know if they are being good or bad..... Maybe your kid will be exposed to something horrible that you didn't get a chance to prepare them for.....and they will have to proc

There is a travelling exhibit in town this weekend.  We are having one of those small town weekend celebrations where people come out for cruise night, food, dunk tanks and parades in small town America.  It's awesome.  The travelling exhibit is a dedication to the tragedy of 911.....and highlights a fire fighter (among many others) who sacrificed his life that day.  Early today, knowing I was planning to tour the mobile museum, I was remembering 911.  I was on a very hot and sunny walk and I was remembering that day and vividly I could see where I was, what I was doing and who I talked to that day.  I was orienting to my first WIC clinic as a public health nurse.  We were in the basement of the old library in town ( that has since burned down).  I was pregnant with Isaac.  My then sis-in-law was scheduled to babysit Claire for me that day.  She was 2 years old.  The attack started before I left for work that day and my then sis-in-law called me in tears, sure that the world was c

I was sitting in Josiah's room just now listening to the bedtime music we play at night.  Lauren Daegle's song Love Like This came on.  I had just been thinking about all of the hateful and hurtful and disappointing things going on in my life.  I was thinking about missed opportunities and frustrating circumstances and how disappointing people can be......I was mad because Claire has been home today being an amazing sister to her siblings, and she has been present and loving and attentive and fun.  Tonight the little kids kind of puked all over that because of extenuating circumstances.....but she was left feeling mad and underappreciated.....and she should never ever feel that way.  I sent her a text and reminded her that kids who have issues struggle with gratitude.  She knows this.  But it's good to be reminded.  I spent all day tending to our home and family.  I spent a lot of money today on food to do some meal prep so that when we have busy baseball and work and li

In one week the school year will be finished.  The children will all bring home the contents of their school desks and backpacks.  We will switch gears and move into summer mode.  I see lots of social media posts that give lists of chores and tasks for children to complete each day before they can watch tablets, or play with friends or whatever.  While I appreciate those lists, I would put them in a category I call "overachiever parents".  I am not one of them.  I'm sure that if all 5 of my children could wake up, make their bed, do one household chore, read 20 minutes, brush their teeth and exercise every day I would feel like a really good parent.  Who am I kidding.....I can't even get them to do the library reading program long enough to get the little sign to put in the grass for the rest of the summer.  Neither can I get my husband to spray for weeds on demand or fix the deck in the backyard.....I can't make my people do much.  I can ask nicely.  I can off

I was having a conversation with a friend today and she described how her husband, after working hard all day, will put on his slippers when he is finished for the day.  Donning his slippers is the signal that he is done for the day.  If a friend calls and invites him out, his wife has heard him say "no thank you, I have my slippers on".  One of the Spanish words for slippers is pantuflas.  It's a fun word to say.....pantuflas.  Say it with me.  "No, sorry, I can't take the garbage out or meet you for drinks or pick up the yard....I have my pantuflas on."  What a great concept.  What a great routine.  Some of us have this routine.  We end our day in a certain way that signals our choice to be done for the day.  Some people need to wipe down the counters, mop the floors, tidy up.  Some need to shower, mud mask their face, condition their hair.  Some need to do other rituals, such as walk around the house checking that all the doors are locked, all the wind

Today is my birthday.  Because my birthday landed on a Sunday this year, we started the day as we do most Sundays, with church.  Part of our message today was Ephesians 2:10.....For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. I love this verse of scripture.  We are God's handiwork, his masterpiece, his work of art.....and we were created for something.  I talk about this often, being created for a purpose.....for an assignment....for a plan.  My goal for my children is always to help them find the purpose they were created for.  I know mine.  Do you?   I believe the Lord delights in us when we seek Him and seek to know His purpose for our life.  This life is not random.  It is not haphazard.   It is not just for this present day or moment.....it is unto something greater.  Each life.  Every life....is precious.  Important.  Relevant.  Necessary.  Intended.  Valued.  Purposeful.  Wonderful.  Worthy.  The Giver

I did a thing today.  Claire and I went to serve at The Gospel Mission in Sioux City, Iowa.  She had an assignment to do for her social work class that focused on spending time with a vulnerable population.  She had hoped to do this assignment in Haiti over spring break but the political unrest in Haiti prevented her trip.  She chose to spend her time at home instead and found many, many purposeful things to do.  Gosh I am so proud of that kid.  She can be efficient, serious, humble, moral, whimsical, simple and honest.....and brave.....all in one day.  The amount of time I was able to spend with her this past week and a half is obscene.  I shouldn't get to have that much time now that she is 19 and doesn't live here anymore.   I am very grateful.  We arrived at 9am at the facility and spent about 2 hours putting second hand clothing on hangers, buttoning and zipping and straightening garments.  And we talked and we talked and we talked some more....we talked about her futur

It is March 4 and we have umpteen inches of snow on the ground in Iowa.  I say "umpteen" because with the wind its hard to tell how much is there but it is a lot.  More than most years, in fact.  This morning it was minus 7 degrees.....and I couldn't find Josiah's boots before school.  I spent about 10 minutes and worked up a (hot flash) sweat trying to find the snow pants and boots and gloves and hats and facemasks after the weekend....only to learn from my children that all the recesses were inside today because it was too cold to play outside.  I am grateful that they didn't have to play outside today.....everyone is sneezing and has a scratchy throat because winter is wearing on us......the cold, the wind, the wet snow tracking everywhere.....we are growing weary of the winter in Iowa.  I tried to have 2 separate conversations with strangers today as I was out and about and both were like this...."It's just so cold"   "yeah, I don't t

Last weekend Roger and I took the day off on Friday.  We went out of town and my step-mom came to hold down the fort.  We were shopping at the Duluth Trading Company downtown Sioux Falls.  I saw a really big t-shirt in a 4xL and held it up and said that if I wore this shirt I would feel so tiny.  I'm heavier than I want to be and most of the clothing I would like to put on is too small so it was a small reprieve to imagine drowning in a bigger shirt.  Later that night we went to a concert of Bonnie Raitt and James Taylor who are both in their late 60s or early 70s.  We love their music and the concert was awesome.....and we were among the very youngest people there.  This, too, was a welcome break from our normal activities.  Usually we are the older or oldest people in the crowd around us.  We are older parents with younger kids.  We are used to feeling old.  Our little get-away lasted about 36 hours but we felt like we had had a real vacation! We came home relaxed and happy