an open letter to the parents of seniors....they do know their nest
Last year at this time I was beginning to dread the end of life with Claire living at home. We were talking about college and celebrating and grieving the last home football game, the last dance competition, etc. Not gonna lie....it was heart-breaking. I have figured out how to add birdies to my nest but Claire was the first one to teach me how to let them leave the nest. Her senior year of high school was as bittersweet as it gets. Dark chocolate mixed with Himalayan sea salt......ice cream topped with cantaloupe.....you get the picture. good and bad, sweet and not, mixed feelings.
I cried many tears trying to wrap my brain around her not being here every day. I didn't want her to stay forever. I wanted her to spread her wings and fly. I wanted to see what she could do with what we had given her. But I really, really didn't want her....to go. She did go. She didn't go far but she did go. She is mostly gone.
I tried not to text her and call her for silly things. I took the advice of her dance coach and the people at orientation who told us to let them do life on campus and basically, to stay out of it, as much as possible. It was good advice.
She comes home once a week or so, to do laundry, share a meal, sit with us in church occasionally. She and Precious share dance schedules so she is willing to drop her off and pick her up when it is convenient. Sometimes......sometimes she stays and we talk. We talk and we talk and we talk.
College is giving her keys to unlock important things for her life. Teachers, assignments, friends, books, competitions......all things that don't involve me......are challenging her and helping to mold and shape her. God's hand is in all of it. All. Of. It. She is thriving. She is asking good questions and she is making plans that adults make, not children. She is growing up.
I am so tenderly grateful that she grew up and moved to college....even if it is only a few hundred feet from the front door. I am so heart-achingly humble that she wants to sit and talk to me about all of the exciting things she is learning......and that she also wants to be helpful as we plan for our holiday road trip after Christmas. She is looking up car games and activities to entertain the littles on our drive to the family anniversary party in Arizona. She has moved on but she still lives here too, with us, and she cares about what happens here at home. She knows her nest.
When the time comes, let the birdies fly from the nest if they have their wings. Let them go and do what they do......and you and I can just keep doing what we do because when they come back to the nest they want to talk about just that. They want to bounce it back and forth and have a template to compare and start from and leave from.....
All the birdies in our nest will one day fly away and do their thing. This is a resting year for me but next year, my second bird will spread his wings and if they are strong enough, my Isaac will fly away too. If not, he will hang out awhile....but there is a good chance he will go. I will cry again. I will remember and I will ache to go back to times when it was not even a whisper of a possibility that he would ever leave......but next year at this time I will be doing it again. I will be celebrating and grieving his last experiences as a senior in high school and preparing for him to leave.
It's hard. Parenting. Healthy attachments are the best kind of parenting but they cost the most. Until that young adult child sits with me at my dining room table and we talk about important things that they are learning and that they know....and they are excited about.....I believe it will be true of Isaac as much as it is with Claire. And then Jeremiah. Precious. Josiah.
We are raising humans who will fly out into the world and with God's grace, do good work in His name. This is costly and it is important. When my birds have all left the nest I may have time to read all the books I want to read, and shampoo the carpets and exercise at 6am.....sit in coffee shops and just sip coffee and breathe.....buy less stuff......I hope so. Or not. We shall see.
I cried many tears trying to wrap my brain around her not being here every day. I didn't want her to stay forever. I wanted her to spread her wings and fly. I wanted to see what she could do with what we had given her. But I really, really didn't want her....to go. She did go. She didn't go far but she did go. She is mostly gone.
I tried not to text her and call her for silly things. I took the advice of her dance coach and the people at orientation who told us to let them do life on campus and basically, to stay out of it, as much as possible. It was good advice.
She comes home once a week or so, to do laundry, share a meal, sit with us in church occasionally. She and Precious share dance schedules so she is willing to drop her off and pick her up when it is convenient. Sometimes......sometimes she stays and we talk. We talk and we talk and we talk.
College is giving her keys to unlock important things for her life. Teachers, assignments, friends, books, competitions......all things that don't involve me......are challenging her and helping to mold and shape her. God's hand is in all of it. All. Of. It. She is thriving. She is asking good questions and she is making plans that adults make, not children. She is growing up.
I am so tenderly grateful that she grew up and moved to college....even if it is only a few hundred feet from the front door. I am so heart-achingly humble that she wants to sit and talk to me about all of the exciting things she is learning......and that she also wants to be helpful as we plan for our holiday road trip after Christmas. She is looking up car games and activities to entertain the littles on our drive to the family anniversary party in Arizona. She has moved on but she still lives here too, with us, and she cares about what happens here at home. She knows her nest.
When the time comes, let the birdies fly from the nest if they have their wings. Let them go and do what they do......and you and I can just keep doing what we do because when they come back to the nest they want to talk about just that. They want to bounce it back and forth and have a template to compare and start from and leave from.....
All the birdies in our nest will one day fly away and do their thing. This is a resting year for me but next year, my second bird will spread his wings and if they are strong enough, my Isaac will fly away too. If not, he will hang out awhile....but there is a good chance he will go. I will cry again. I will remember and I will ache to go back to times when it was not even a whisper of a possibility that he would ever leave......but next year at this time I will be doing it again. I will be celebrating and grieving his last experiences as a senior in high school and preparing for him to leave.
It's hard. Parenting. Healthy attachments are the best kind of parenting but they cost the most. Until that young adult child sits with me at my dining room table and we talk about important things that they are learning and that they know....and they are excited about.....I believe it will be true of Isaac as much as it is with Claire. And then Jeremiah. Precious. Josiah.
We are raising humans who will fly out into the world and with God's grace, do good work in His name. This is costly and it is important. When my birds have all left the nest I may have time to read all the books I want to read, and shampoo the carpets and exercise at 6am.....sit in coffee shops and just sip coffee and breathe.....buy less stuff......I hope so. Or not. We shall see.
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