He is Greater.....John 3:30 says He must become greater, I must become less"

Precious came out of the bedroom today with sticky stuff over her face.  Its from one of those roller things that pick up dog fur and lint....and she wanted to do "blind" cartwheels.  I pointed her in a safe direction in the living room and applauded her efforts.  Then I helped her take the tape off her face.....only to find that she had double band-aided her eyes shut underneath.  Lashes, eyebrows....everything!  Oh gosh.  I was just trying to make dinner!  Roger was asleep because apparently he had been working since 2:45 AM when the Netherlands project had problems and woke him up.....I had about 8-10 kids here all day AND worked, meaning I was all over the county seeing moms and babies. Precious band-aided her eyes shut.  Lets just all let that sink in, shall we? Sometimes people say this, "I cannot imagine Precious being so difficult.  She is so wonderful and happy and pleasant!".....well.  let me tell you this.  There were lots of empty bandaid wrappers i

This weekend I got to go to a wedding in Omaha for my sweet cousin, Amanda.  Roger was generous and said to just go and he would take care of things at home.  It's really hard for me to just leave, even if its just for a night. ( Things go better when mama bird is in the nest, ya know? ) So I took a deep breath and packed my bag and told my mom to come pick me up for the wedding!  Glamorous, eh?  Yes.  I rode with my parents.  I did not, however, share a hotel with them.  I didn't.  I could have.......but instead, because I'm a big girl......I stayed with my aunties and the best family friend we have.  So I went and got dressed up and didn't look too shabby either!  It was so good to spend this time with my family.  They are my people.  They made me who I am and they love me....and they were so happy I was there.  The bride was radiant.  We 3 girl cousins smiled for a few photos....and I got to sit outside on a rooftop bar and listen to music and people-watch and vis

I've been hearing this song on the radio lately.  It has power.  Recently when I heard it I had to pull the car over on the road and just worship.  Listen to the words.....the melody.  It is relevant.  Yesterday I was chatting with a grandpa at baseball practice in town.  He was in his 70s.....with a rather thick Dutch brogue...(accent)....and had immigrated to the US at age 9.  His parents had hidden from the Germans during the Holocost......sorry.  I didn't spell that right.  Anyway......this grandpa told me he had recently started studying Eschetology.....and asked if I knew what that was.  I said, "yes.  its the study of End Times....and I believe we are in the beginning birth pangs of that time"  and he said something like this....."well, if you say that then you are more ready and you know Jesus and you are paying attention" and at the time, I didn't weigh that out. I was at the ball park mid-day with a slew of kids who needed lunch....but yeah.  I

I have a cousin getting married tomorrow.  It's "adult only" so we had decided not to try figure out how to go but now Roger says if I want to go with my mom and aunties, he will hold down the fort.  I think I'll go.   I love my family.  I enjoy them.  I want to celebrate this event in my beautiful cousin , Amanda's,  life..... Tonight I am overwhelmed with insecurity and exhaustion.  Everyone there will be beautiful.  It's an urban event with glam and such......and lets face it.  I don't have any of that.  I could have if I had chosen a different road.  I remind myself of that from time to time......I came to a fork in the road a couple decades ago......and I chose the road less-travelled.  Because I chose THAT road......my fingernails are chipped and broken.  My toe nails should have had a pedi repair a month ago but I didn't find the time or money.  I'm middle-age overweight....and I have no wardrobe.  Oh. And I need a haircut. I pride myse

Oh Precious Maryn....you are the reason I started to blog.  It started with a prayer and a hope that we could bring a child to our family through adoption.  Because we were open to all races we knew we would be saved for african american babies.  Because Roger and Claire insisted on a girl.....we knew we would eventually be blessed with an African American daughter.  Several times, after we were home-study approved, we were asked if we could have our profile shown for a boy.  Once or twice we said yes, but not more than that....because Roger and Claire were waiting....for you.  Sweet girl....you have such a big personality and you are so intense......and I just love you so, so much.  Tonight I asked you to do a chore and you did not want to....at all....and I gave you time and space....and food.....and respect.  Eventually you tried to do the chore.  Because you are only 5 years old, I decided to reward your best effort.  Please know that I will ask more and more of you despite your

Father's Day weekend, 2015 was busy!  I took Claire to the church to load a bus for a missions trip in Tenissee for the week.  Roger took Jeremiah and Precious in the RV to Okoboji for a practice run as campers. I  saac went to the movies with friends and they all came over for a moonlight swim and sleep over.....and I cut and sliced freshly picked strawberries for the freezer.  Saturday Isaac and I took Josiah to visit his birth family who were having a reunion in a town near by.  I was nervous about how that would go but they were all so sweet and warm and loving to him and to us......and they really do feel like family.  (Adoption is crazy that way.)  I think we will visit with his relatives more and more as time goes on.  They are important to him and to me.  After our visit there, we headed to Okoboji to meet up with dad and the grands and the other kids.....and went to the beach.  Oh....the beach.  Sand and sun and water.....birds and a cool lake breeze......I could have s

Tonight we sent Claire off to Tennessee with our church youth group.  She will be gone for 8 days doing a construction missions trip, and it dawns on me just now that I don't even know where Tennessee is in relationship to Iowa.  Good grief.  Am I too naive or dumb or very trusting?  I just put her on a bus!  Roger drove off at the same time I was taking Claire to the bus.....in our RV...with Jeremiah and Precious.  They will park our RV in my dad's driving way to practice.....and I will join him tomorrow.    Tomorrow I'm taking Josiah to his birth family for awhile.  They are all getting together for Father's Day and asked if he could come....so he and I (and Isaac) will stop there for a bit over noon hour and hopefully get some photos of him with his bio relatives....and then head to the lakes to meet up with the rest of the family. I need to stop the narrative for a bit. Today I took everyone but Claire (and dad) to Isaac's game.  We also took a couple extra K

I realize I am not a typical person.....who thinks of typical things.  I also realize that the Lord often gives me atypical ideas that make Him smile and bless His children.  This change collecting venture seems to be one of those ideas.  Most people purchase things and go about life.  Me?  Since God gave me this "change for SCH India" idea?  I'm kinda wrecked.  I have a new passion for using cash for purchases.....so that I can have....change.  Every time I give a cashier a bill, and she drops coins in my hand, I smile inside.  As the change jingles into my hand and then to my purse I am thinking of names of children at Sarah's Covenant Homes in India who will benefit. Even the pennies.  God blesses the pennies, too.  I have a whole lot of change jingling around in my purse right now from the past month.  I am waiting to collect it.  Why?  Because when I do it will give me so much pleasure and satisfaction and awe and wonder for the Lord!  I really think that the lo

I was at a cultural awareness seminar today and the speaker shared a quote by Elbert Hubbard.  It is this:  "If you don't understand someone's silence you cannot understand their words." I find this to be a weighty concept for some reason.  Profound, even.  If I cannot understand someone's silence......I cannot understand their words.  The silence is even more powerful and challenging than the words.  I love silence.  Love it.  Crave it, even.  In my car, it is often silent.  No music, no talking.  At home if everyone is elsewhere, I love to sit and just breathe in the silence.  Silence is healing and restoring to me.  It fills me up. I also love words.  I love language and culture and the nuances of diversity and similarity and how much God is present in it all.  I love written words and spoken words and words in songs and words in prayer......but if I did not understand my own silence, I couldn't appreciate the words, I think. Consider those we all en

Today I was crabby.  Little sleep due to the thunderbolt called Josiah.....and the demands of kids who need to be everywhere all the time, are always hungry, have itchy bug bites and want mom.  All.  The.  Time.  Oh.  And a job.  I went off to work leaving bigs in charge of littles.  I came home at noon to help with lunch and the littles were a mess.  Literally.  Josiah was in a diaper hanging down to his knees and had not been fed and P was all hopped up on Netflix and no human stimulation....and I got mad.  Its rainy so no one was outside.  My big German Shephard was cooped up in the crate because of kids who were scared of her.......and  the kettle in my soul started to boil. I got everyone stabilized and left for my last visit of the week.  Littles crying, "MAMA Please don't go!">>>>>and rain, and ugh, ugh, ugh.  I Had planned a nice dinner......a grilled dinner.  It was still raining....and all the rain had cancelled all the ball games so our family co

Rules. 1.  Stay connected.  That means good eye contact, using words to say what you need, telling mom where you are going, etc. 2.  No hurts.  That means people, toys, yourself...... 3.  Have fun.  That means just that.  If someone is not having fun and falling apart, it technically breaks the rules. When  a rule is broken we do a "time in" not a "time out".  Time in means on my lap or next to me......until the child can apologize or redo the event or calm down, etc.  It is not a punishment.  It is not isolating.  It is teaching and staying calm and guiding to correct behavior. It takes a lot of time and patience....and it works.  Try it with your child of any age.  Explain the rules and what will happen if the rule is broken.  Plan to stay attentive to your child for quite a while......and treat it as medicine.  It changes things. Last thought.......say "yes" whenever possible and limit "no" to what really matters. I didn't m

School let out a week ago but last week just felt crazy busy with dance rehearsals and recital, baseball schedule madness for Isaac and Jeremiah, and extra kids.  I love dance, and baseball, and extra kids....but for the first week of summer and the pool too cold for swimming....it was a hard week.  Once, the Lord said this to me, "I will reward your best effort">  Not kidding.  He really said it.  I Wouldn't forget such a thing....."I Will reward your best effort".  And guess what?  HE Does!  over and over again..... My best effort is usually not awesome.  But it remains to be my best effort.  The LORD delights in it.  He does.  And He rewards it, too.  This week was better.  Less on the schedule, less chaos, no dance......and my big kids are being present and helpful.  Yesterday Claire babysat the littles and Isaac and Jeremiah dug a deeper trench for a pool pipe and cleaned out the gutters on the roof.  Already, the summer looks bright.   Tonight I came ho

So if you have followed my blog for awhile, you know that this song comes up at the end of hard days with Precious Maryn.  Today was a hard day.  I love ending hard days with this ballad because I go to bed at peace with myself and my child.  For a couple years now, I have turned to this song to finish a hard day with my adopted child who comes from a hard place and struggles.  Sometimes I have listened to it through tears.  Other nights it was with her in my lap, rocking.  Tonight I listen with a smile on my face.  Today was a hard day with P but we got through it and instead of re-hashing all the aweful stuff.....I'm reflecting on the wonder and the blessing and the shared jokes and the fun....and the love.  Precious Maryn and I love each other so, so much.  Partly because of the pain....and mostly because of the prayer.  Adoptive moms out there.....add this song to your tools.  It helps. I had a long day today with work and life....and tonight I found peanut butter on my IPAD

I so wish I had a photo to share with you of my 2 daughters tonight at their dance recital.  I wish I had one of them together smiling backstage....and separately in their routines.  Dance is one of those crazy "want not need" activities.....and for 9 months or so they go to class and learn their craft and their choreography.....and then for 2 days, we do performance in June.  It is expensive.  It is unnecessary....or maybe it isn't.  Maybe it is necessary. Claire danced her first routine and my throat got tight and I almost got tearful tonight.  She is a beautiful dancer.  She is a beautiful girl anyway, inside and out....but when she dances....when Claire dances? ......I see something more in who she is.  Dance is important for Claire because it reveals something deep and beautiful and important in her.  If you have seen her dance, you understand.  If not.....well.....you are missing out. Precious Maryn spends most days vascillating between hyper mania and passiona

1.  I have cinnamon rolls thawing out for breakfast tomorrow morning.  They are "Rhodes" but my kids don't know the difference between that and homemade.  I'm scoring points tomorrow morning. 2.  We are going to the library tomorrow. 3.  Jeremiah gets a new toothbrush and toothpaste and a special place to keep them.  (He has a hard time remembering to brush his teeth!} 4.  I will be backstage mom for the recital tomorrow night....and host all the grandparents and auntie Laura and cousin Jenny.....and I will be backstage mom for Claire's group saturday afternoon and then make them a lasagna dinner.....and then I will sit and watch my girls dance saturday night. 5.  I have fresh spinach, mushrooms,  asparagus, broccoli and carrots in the fridge, just waiting to be eaten. 6.  Every child I spend time with gets praised for being wonderful.  Every day. 7.  I love my job.  I get paid to help moms and babies learn to love each other better. 8.  I've been gett

David Letterman is off the air, but I still like his "Top 10 List".  Here is mine for tonight. Top 10 reasons why I am a sub-par or different or inadequate parent...... 1.  I let my kids play in the camper.  In fact, I encourage it.....until dad comes home.  Then I rush out and tell them to quick leave so dad doesn't get mad.  (well, sort of.  Dad doesn't really get mad.) 2.  I could NOT be a single mom.  Precious is making me crazy so she and Roger are sleeping out in the camper tonight to give me a break. 3.  At baseball, another mom tells her 5 year old...."don't put that ball under your shirt!  it will stretch it out!"  and my 5 year old looks at me and we both shrug our shoulders like, "is that a thing?  seriously?  who cares" 4.  I'm counting fruit snacks sold in bulk at Sam's Club as a healthy snack. 5.  I allowed Precious to choose a hot dog as a compromise to dinner.....and let her eat 2 of them. 6.  I am baffled by p