the truth of the rear view mirror in my car.....

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Today I was crabby.  Little sleep due to the thunderbolt called Josiah.....and the demands of kids who need to be everywhere all the time, are always hungry, have itchy bug bites and want mom.  All.  The.  Time.  Oh.  And a job.  I went off to work leaving bigs in charge of littles.  I came home at noon to help with lunch and the littles were a mess.  Literally.  Josiah was in a diaper hanging down to his knees and had not been fed and P was all hopped up on Netflix and no human stimulation....and I got mad.  Its rainy so no one was outside.  My big German Shephard was cooped up in the crate because of kids who were scared of her.......and  the kettle in my soul started to boil.

I got everyone stabilized and left for my last visit of the week.  Littles crying, "MAMA Please don't go!">>>>>and rain, and ugh, ugh, ugh.  I Had planned a nice dinner......a grilled dinner.  It was still raining....and all the rain had cancelled all the ball games so our family could finally all eat around the table together.  That makes moms so happy.  MY sweet and tired husband lit the grill at 6pm when he got home and did chicken, potatoes, and pineapple.  I microwaved asparagus and baked croissants.....and the table was set.  P was having her typical dinnertime meltdown.  Joe was whiney......and I was just crabby.  

Roger prayed.  He prayed for wisdom and protection and joy.  Conviction pierced my heart in that prayer moment.  I Was seething with crabby and tired and dissatisfied when I should have been beaming with joy.  Where is my joy?  WHAT Happened to it?  I have such a great life and yet, in the thick of the work week with needy kids and too much housework and a husband with a demanding career......I tend to skip joy and go to crabby all too quick.  

Maybe, just maybe, Joy should be chased.  Maybe joy is a shy friend or a mysterious lover and must be pursued and convinced in me.  I think I CAN take the challenge to pursue joy.  I think maybe this is my summer to do just that.  

Joy lives in me, for sure....and yet when I glance at my reflection in the rear view mirror of the car (because that is where I ALWAYS am.....) my mouth is frowning and my brows are furrowed.  That's not joy!  Help me chase joy and romance her and convince her to marry me and live with me.  If you have ideas, I welcome them!

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