a look at Father's Day

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 Father's Day weekend is here.  It's a hard one for me.  It always has been, actually.  My dad and I were not close when I was growing up but in the last few years we came to a place of mutual understanding and respect....and then he got really sick really fast and now he is gone.  

    This is my first Father's day without a father.  I've talked to my older kids this week and mentioned Father's day.  They asked "are we doing anything?"  My answer was something like, well, I don't know.  I don't have a dad anymore so I don't really feel like it's my job to plan something for Father's Day. 

    I wish I could tell my kids we were going to my dad's to visit and grill and hang out at the lake for the day.  I wish I could go shopping at the local greenhouse and buy something landscape-ish that he would like, or go to the bakery and get a bag full of Dutch treats.....that's what I have done the last few years for Father's Day.  He died last November and so now Father's Day makes me remember the end of his life, and the days I set aside with him to be with him when he was sick....when he told me how much he loved me and how proud he was of me.  Instead of celebrating Father's Day this year I will miss my dad.  

    I hope my kids will find a way to celebrate their dad this year for Father's Day but honestly....if they don't....it won't be the end of the world.  He will still know that they love him and that he is their dad.  He will know that they are busy living their lives and doing what they do and they will show gratitude when it matters and they will ask for help when they need it and they will emulate him in all the ways it matters because he is a good dad and they know it.  They don't actually need a day to know that.  (and neither does Roger).  

    What the dad of this family will need after a ballgame for Jeremiah watching him pitch Friday night, then driving to Fort Dodge to sleep a few hours, then waking up to drive to Marshaltown for Precious' state track meet Saturday, then coming home to hear all about Josiah's week at bible camp, be available for whatever Isaac needs after a busy week of concrete work, and also to answer any questions from Claire as she and Jonah transition from parent to independent insurance/etc.....will be to settle in and rest more and do less.  If his children are here, great.  If all they do is text him a Happy Father's Day, that works, too.  He knows they love him.  He has done the work.  He shows up day after day for all the things and he deserves his Sunday of Fathers Day chill.  I will give him that. 

    At some point on Sunday I will find a way to send up a cheers to my pops, too.  Hopefully I can get a really good, long walk in as well.  

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