Precious and the string base
I realize that I write about Precious a lot. I guess she is sort of a muze. I write about her often because she teaches me so many lessons. I learn the lesson and then the Lord continues to nudge me to share the lessons with others. It is not a reflection of loving her more than the other kids....not at all....but for whatever reason she teaches me a lot. When she was first revealed to her birth mama God told her "This child is precious in my sight and I have great plans for her"....and her mama remembered that and named her Precious. Her story will likely be big and amazing. For now, I am a small part of that story and get to share what the Lord reveals, to teach me and to teach the world.
Last summer Precious started to learn to play the String Base. This instrument is as tall as she is and almost as heavy. We did 5-6 summer lessons and then set it aside as we got going with a new school year for everyone. Early October I was talking to her about orchestra and she said she needed to have private lessons because she didn't know what she was doing. I felt ashamed and convicted and promised her I would find her a teacher and a lesson time. This is no small promise. Time is short and sparse. Teachers are also......and quite frankly....I'm busy. I didn't play a stringed instrument. I don't get it. I played clarinet and piano......
I contacted her summer teacher. He is an elderly gentleman with a long legacy of music education. He is passionate and kind and gentle. He agreed to teach her. He has about 60 students already in a weekly rotation so he said he could squeeze her in every other week on Wednesday mornings at 7:30am before school. Sigh. Ok. We can do this.
Roger took her to that first fall lesson mid-October. It was a disaster. Precious knew nothing. Couldn't play a single note. She had been faking her way through orchestra twice a week for 6 weeks of school. Oh my goodness. I felt horrible. I felt like a failure as a mom. Roger was embarrassed and frustrated. The teacher not only scolded Roger but CALLED me on the phone to impart how bad it was that we didn't help her learn. ugh. ugh. ugh.
We took that week to really try to help her with the lesson. All week it ended with her having a tantrum and me yelling....it was aweful. At one point Roger and I decided it wasn't worth the hassle and we told Precious we should just quit orchestra. We told her it was not worth the tears and fighting and tantrums......and so she bowed her head and lowered her eyes and said "ok". That night in bed I just couldn't reconcile it. I had no peace. How was she supposed to walk by the orchestra room twice a week and hear her peers playing and go to study hall or recess or whatever and know that she failed. I just couldn't swallow it. I wasn't ready to give up. In the morning I talked to her and basically asked her if we could try a little while longer. I apologized to her for not doing the work of helping her learn. I told her how hard it was for me because I'm busy and I don't get the strings at all...and I don't have any emotional room for her tantrums over it. I told her I wouldn't give up just yet if she didn't want to give up.
She didn't want to give up. We started over that day. We have worked hard together most days and I have hauled that blasted instrument back and forth to Gary's house in the cold dark morning the past 4 weeks at 7:30am before school on Wednesdays. Guess what? She is making progress. She isn't amazing but she is improving. She wants to practice. She is asking me for help when she gets stuck. At one point after a lesson she gave her teacher a hug and looked up at him and said "thank you Gary".......and I almost wept.
How can I give up on a child who lives Hope every single day.....she believes for the best....and in so doing she also never gives up.....on me. She may decide after Christmas that she doesn't want to do orchestra anymore. If she decides that it will be ok with me. She may decide after 8th grade, like Jeremiah did with the cello....and I will feel sad because by then they can actually play songs that make sense....but I will be ok with it.....or she may play all through high school the way Claire did with her violin and then decide not to continue....and I will feel sad because adult strings are so, so beautiful....but for now she wants to practice most days and is not throwing tantrums or fighting me. I will take her to lessons every week (Roger can't bring himself to do it yet. it is a trauma trigger for him thus-far. )
If at some point I get to sit in the audience and watch her perform with her orchestra I will be so grateful...and if not I will humbly recognize that we did not give up. Lord I ask for continued mercy and strength to parent well.....
Last summer Precious started to learn to play the String Base. This instrument is as tall as she is and almost as heavy. We did 5-6 summer lessons and then set it aside as we got going with a new school year for everyone. Early October I was talking to her about orchestra and she said she needed to have private lessons because she didn't know what she was doing. I felt ashamed and convicted and promised her I would find her a teacher and a lesson time. This is no small promise. Time is short and sparse. Teachers are also......and quite frankly....I'm busy. I didn't play a stringed instrument. I don't get it. I played clarinet and piano......
I contacted her summer teacher. He is an elderly gentleman with a long legacy of music education. He is passionate and kind and gentle. He agreed to teach her. He has about 60 students already in a weekly rotation so he said he could squeeze her in every other week on Wednesday mornings at 7:30am before school. Sigh. Ok. We can do this.
Roger took her to that first fall lesson mid-October. It was a disaster. Precious knew nothing. Couldn't play a single note. She had been faking her way through orchestra twice a week for 6 weeks of school. Oh my goodness. I felt horrible. I felt like a failure as a mom. Roger was embarrassed and frustrated. The teacher not only scolded Roger but CALLED me on the phone to impart how bad it was that we didn't help her learn. ugh. ugh. ugh.
We took that week to really try to help her with the lesson. All week it ended with her having a tantrum and me yelling....it was aweful. At one point Roger and I decided it wasn't worth the hassle and we told Precious we should just quit orchestra. We told her it was not worth the tears and fighting and tantrums......and so she bowed her head and lowered her eyes and said "ok". That night in bed I just couldn't reconcile it. I had no peace. How was she supposed to walk by the orchestra room twice a week and hear her peers playing and go to study hall or recess or whatever and know that she failed. I just couldn't swallow it. I wasn't ready to give up. In the morning I talked to her and basically asked her if we could try a little while longer. I apologized to her for not doing the work of helping her learn. I told her how hard it was for me because I'm busy and I don't get the strings at all...and I don't have any emotional room for her tantrums over it. I told her I wouldn't give up just yet if she didn't want to give up.
She didn't want to give up. We started over that day. We have worked hard together most days and I have hauled that blasted instrument back and forth to Gary's house in the cold dark morning the past 4 weeks at 7:30am before school on Wednesdays. Guess what? She is making progress. She isn't amazing but she is improving. She wants to practice. She is asking me for help when she gets stuck. At one point after a lesson she gave her teacher a hug and looked up at him and said "thank you Gary".......and I almost wept.
How can I give up on a child who lives Hope every single day.....she believes for the best....and in so doing she also never gives up.....on me. She may decide after Christmas that she doesn't want to do orchestra anymore. If she decides that it will be ok with me. She may decide after 8th grade, like Jeremiah did with the cello....and I will feel sad because by then they can actually play songs that make sense....but I will be ok with it.....or she may play all through high school the way Claire did with her violin and then decide not to continue....and I will feel sad because adult strings are so, so beautiful....but for now she wants to practice most days and is not throwing tantrums or fighting me. I will take her to lessons every week (Roger can't bring himself to do it yet. it is a trauma trigger for him thus-far. )
If at some point I get to sit in the audience and watch her perform with her orchestra I will be so grateful...and if not I will humbly recognize that we did not give up. Lord I ask for continued mercy and strength to parent well.....
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