wrestling through the day
I'm sitting in my bed at 10:30pm watching Jimmie Falon and enjoying rhubarb crisp and red wine. I'm breaking all the rules I put in place for trying to live healthier.....I intended to eat fruit and veggies, get to bed on time, and avoid unnecessary sugar and carbs. I feel like failure meets me at every turn sometimes......I purposed myself to be more positive and affirming with my kids but heard myself lecturing Precious all the way to dance this afternoon about her lack of initiative and effort with school work and reviewing for tests and practicing the string base.....what the heck? I only got to see her for moments today.....and everything I said was like word vomit. Doggon it.
I didn't get the charting done today that needed to be done. I had a playdate with a baby instead and played peek-a-boo and let him sleep on my chest for at least 3 hours and watched Beat Bobby Flay on food network for way too many minutes.....I managed the concession stand alone for the first time and maybe kinda burned some popcorn but only a few kernals......and I confessed to the volunteer duo that it was my first time so when the pizza was late and the customers were getting crabby they could tell them that I was new......and I think maybe they did tell them that.
Some days have a longer list of failures than successes, and sometimes it just depends on the definition, ya know? I pretty much tanked at most of the things that matter today but I made it through the day....no one got hurt. I don't have to spent time tomorrow correcting mistakes.....I think I'm ok. I am exhausted. EXAUSTED. My feet hurt. My shoulders ache. I wish I could just take tomorrow off and get a massage, take a long walk, have a nap.......but tomorrow is busy too. I have a full work day and a play date for Joe and a birthday party for P.....and football for the boys....
Maybe I can make some small changes that make it feel like more success at the end of the day tomorrow. Either way.....a day is a day is a day....and nothing more....than a day. It is not the sum of my parts or the value of my worth. Its just a day.
His mercies are new every morning. Every morning. I get to wake up every single morning whether the night before was good or not....and start fresh. I will make a really fragrant and perfect cup of coffee. I will take my vitamins and my pills that manage my cholesterol and blood pressure and thyroid levels because I am 51 years old and overweight and stressed.......and I will own that this is how life is because of the choices I make every day. I will look for opportunities to help and bless people. I will do my best to be responsible and attentive and present with everyone I spend time with. I will pray for my husband and my children and ask God to keep them safe and to bless them.....
Someone asked me tonight when I will be less busy. My answer was.....probably on the other side of this life....when I get to Heaven I won't be busy......how great will that be? How awesome to not feel an urgency to help the widow, the orphan, the least of these....how pleasant to savor the Presence of God and to worship and not feel tied to work and fund-raising and paying for education, for the things our kids need to grow into their destinies.....to buy groceries and feed people like a family with a member who has cancer and has chosen to stop chemo and just enjoy the rest of the days.....so I made them some meals.....and it took a few hours to buy and prep and deliver that food today.....
And these are my choices for my days. I am working my tail off for sure and I don't know if it is making a difference but I sure hope so......there is so much I cannot change in the world but I can change little things in my little corner....
I didn't get the charting done today that needed to be done. I had a playdate with a baby instead and played peek-a-boo and let him sleep on my chest for at least 3 hours and watched Beat Bobby Flay on food network for way too many minutes.....I managed the concession stand alone for the first time and maybe kinda burned some popcorn but only a few kernals......and I confessed to the volunteer duo that it was my first time so when the pizza was late and the customers were getting crabby they could tell them that I was new......and I think maybe they did tell them that.
Some days have a longer list of failures than successes, and sometimes it just depends on the definition, ya know? I pretty much tanked at most of the things that matter today but I made it through the day....no one got hurt. I don't have to spent time tomorrow correcting mistakes.....I think I'm ok. I am exhausted. EXAUSTED. My feet hurt. My shoulders ache. I wish I could just take tomorrow off and get a massage, take a long walk, have a nap.......but tomorrow is busy too. I have a full work day and a play date for Joe and a birthday party for P.....and football for the boys....
Maybe I can make some small changes that make it feel like more success at the end of the day tomorrow. Either way.....a day is a day is a day....and nothing more....than a day. It is not the sum of my parts or the value of my worth. Its just a day.
His mercies are new every morning. Every morning. I get to wake up every single morning whether the night before was good or not....and start fresh. I will make a really fragrant and perfect cup of coffee. I will take my vitamins and my pills that manage my cholesterol and blood pressure and thyroid levels because I am 51 years old and overweight and stressed.......and I will own that this is how life is because of the choices I make every day. I will look for opportunities to help and bless people. I will do my best to be responsible and attentive and present with everyone I spend time with. I will pray for my husband and my children and ask God to keep them safe and to bless them.....
Someone asked me tonight when I will be less busy. My answer was.....probably on the other side of this life....when I get to Heaven I won't be busy......how great will that be? How awesome to not feel an urgency to help the widow, the orphan, the least of these....how pleasant to savor the Presence of God and to worship and not feel tied to work and fund-raising and paying for education, for the things our kids need to grow into their destinies.....to buy groceries and feed people like a family with a member who has cancer and has chosen to stop chemo and just enjoy the rest of the days.....so I made them some meals.....and it took a few hours to buy and prep and deliver that food today.....
And these are my choices for my days. I am working my tail off for sure and I don't know if it is making a difference but I sure hope so......there is so much I cannot change in the world but I can change little things in my little corner....
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