a post about meltdowns....

Here is the Monday help for my SCH foster moms and anyone else out there who wants to benefit from what I have learned.  Meltdowns.....they don't make sense.  We cannot determine why they happen, most of the time.  They just do.  In some seasons, they happen all day long and in other seasons, they catch us off guard.  For us, they start with a crabby attitude and then escalate into full blown screaming, crying, storming tantrum.....from a child who cannot articulate what is wrong.  It is a very helpless feeling as a parent.  Often, we handle it wrong.  We yell, we threaten, we lecture, we give ultimatums.....and none of that works.  The storm rages on.

Tonight, for me, it happened at bedtime.  Morning, meals, after school, bedtime are definitely the meltdown times.  I was tired tonight.  I had a day.  Precious didn't want to go to bed but she was tired, and not feeling well.  I gave her the choice:  your bed or mine?  and she chose mine and that was ok.  I chose 2 books.  I got the lavender oil and lit a candle.....and then held her as she melted.  down.  School was hard.  At school she had to listen and follow the rules and pay attention and on and on and on, through tears and screams and snot and coughing.......and I held her.  I prayed for her, out loud, and thanked God for how smart she is, how important she is, how proud I am of her......I rubbed lavender oil on her back, and I pulled her in close.  I took deep breaths until her breathing matched mine.  Eventually she fell asleep.  It's monday.  I will likely have to repeat this daily, if not many times a day.

The keys are to be present and not distracted.  Use soothing oils.  Pray.  Let physical touch be a healer.  Listen but don't listen too close.....its a meltdown, not a revelation.  Later.....we can talk about how hard school is, and how amazing she is to be able to sit in school every day and learn to read and do math and learn bible verses......and we can talk about her friends, and spanish class which she loves, and recess and lunch.

So.....sweet mamas out there.....who daily handle way more than I do......take heart.  Call it what it is.  It is a meltdown.  It isn't war against you.  It is a tiny body and a growing brain and a heavy heart all trying to navigate life.  It is a child who needs their mama to rub oil on her back, hold her close, and validate her day.  take heart, mamas of hard kids.  You, I, We are not alone.  Lets keep learning together.