advent-ish
I had to hunt for baby Jesus tonight. We went to find our 2015 Christmas tree after church...and lunch out at the Pizza Hut today. Because we were going out for lunch, I opted to not give Precious her "pill" so that she could enjoy lunch. Her med that keeps her calm and grounded makes her not hungry. It's really hard for me to balance the pros and cons of it. I meant to give it to her after lunch. Church was hard with P not medicated and Joe being Joe and Roger and Grace both nodding off.., sleepy, ..but we made it through. We went home and changed clothes and went to lunch. We all ate alot. It was yummy and fun and festive. After lunch we went to the tree farm that is kinda far away, because they are reputed to have great Christmas trees.....We tromped through mud and snow and tree stumps, disappointed because all the trees at the tree farm were SO SMALL this year! We finally agreed on one and chopped it down. Precious, without the benefit of her ADHD pill....is really wild and untamed. She splashed in mud, she ate snow balls, she was impulsive and annoying....and then some. Precious is really, really hard. Everything is more with her.....more noise, more mess, more wildness....
Once home, the big kids helped get the tree in place and then went down to play a card game. I was tired and really wanted to lay down but our daggum dishwasher is broke again, so I started rewashing dishes from the dishwasher...as well as breakfast dishes. Roger took a nap. Then he and I did the lights on the tree. Then I washed more dishes. Then I made supper.....and created more dishes....but I couldn't think about that because after dinner we needed to go to our bible study outting. I wondered if we should just stay home, since P was really wound up and when she is that wild, things break, people get mad, she gets frustrated.....but Claire came up to supervise and gave her blessing and we left. In my mind, we would be done in about an hour and a half.
This group is so important to us....we have met, as couples and families for about 12 years or more....with 5-6 couples....and because we are all so busy, it had been over a year since we had been together to talk and pray and be ..well, ..together. Roger and I went, and told Claire that if it gets bad, just let us know and we will come home. Bad was coming, for sure....just not sure when, with P. At just before 8pm, Claire texted dad....when are you coming home? We kept sharing in the group....about 4 minutes later another text: "come home NOW".......
and that is how things go here.
Life is easier when I am home. When I am not home, especially at night, everything falls apart....especially for Precious. It's just so, so hard for her. We came home, she was manic and crazy and the 3 big kids all looked....well....traumatized, really. She had thrown things and broken things and yelled and screamed....and everyone was undone. We did a bit of triage....and I made her a peanut butter and banana smoothie per her request....and we went to bed. I rubbed her back with lavender, and we said a really long prayer, and then we read a really long book and she went to sleep. the hardest part was just before we went to bed. Precious was spinning on the kitchen floor, trying to tell me about her day. I was tired and trying to ignore the mound of dirty dishes behind me and focus on her. She told about the ornament she threw at Claire that smashed and how Claire yelled and her and cleaned it up and that Claire didn't love her any more....wait. What? Hunny. Just because Claire was mad....that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She really thought that because of how aweful Precious behaved, that Claire didn't love her any more. Claire....who is her idol. A teenager with a boyfriend, a car, a life......can you imagine feeling like you screwed up so bad that your human idol didn't love you anymore???????
Oh Precious Maryn. Your sister still loves you. She just didn't know how to parent you tonight when you were wild and tired. It isn't her job to parent you. Mom and dad left for a little while and things went kinda wrong....but you are ok, sweet girl. Claire loves you.....so, so much. We all do.
I got them all settled and safe. I sent Roger down to talk to the big kids, and thank Claire for keeping everyone safe and alive so that we could go and reconnect with our group for an hour.....and I tucked the littles into our big bed. We diffused lavender, and had a back rub and a story and they went to sleep. I got up to do another sink-load of dishes. I picked up the pieces of my nativity scene that were all over the living room floor. I righted the cresh...and put the pieces back it. There was Mary and Joseph, the animals, the wise men and the shephard and the angel....but no baby Jesus in his cradle.
Oh. crud.
Precious.
She'd been moving around like a wild tornado for hours......baby Jesus could be anywhere. The dogs could have chewed him........oh heaven help me.....please, no.
I spent minutes picking up, looking. I found the "manger" mixed in with the snow boots that are piled up at the top of the stairs, all messy-like. I scanned the perimeter. No sign of Jesus. I picked up more toys and garbaga and stuff......and went to wash another sink load of dishes.....and happened to notice baby Jesus, on the kitchen floor, in the rubble and trash that connects there....and I picked him up and brushed him off and returned him to the nativity scene. Baby Jesus found himself once again, in the yuck of my life.....and I should not be surprised when I find Him there. He seems to wait for me there.
We made it through today. Baby Jesus is again in His rightful place....and we made it to our prayer group/bible study....even if we couldn't stay for the full evening. It's ok, really. As we prayed our bedtime prayer, I thanked God for all of it....and all of us....and I know He is here and listening and helping.....afterall.....baby Jesus was there, under my kitchen sink, safe and waiting.
Once home, the big kids helped get the tree in place and then went down to play a card game. I was tired and really wanted to lay down but our daggum dishwasher is broke again, so I started rewashing dishes from the dishwasher...as well as breakfast dishes. Roger took a nap. Then he and I did the lights on the tree. Then I washed more dishes. Then I made supper.....and created more dishes....but I couldn't think about that because after dinner we needed to go to our bible study outting. I wondered if we should just stay home, since P was really wound up and when she is that wild, things break, people get mad, she gets frustrated.....but Claire came up to supervise and gave her blessing and we left. In my mind, we would be done in about an hour and a half.
This group is so important to us....we have met, as couples and families for about 12 years or more....with 5-6 couples....and because we are all so busy, it had been over a year since we had been together to talk and pray and be ..well, ..together. Roger and I went, and told Claire that if it gets bad, just let us know and we will come home. Bad was coming, for sure....just not sure when, with P. At just before 8pm, Claire texted dad....when are you coming home? We kept sharing in the group....about 4 minutes later another text: "come home NOW".......
and that is how things go here.
Life is easier when I am home. When I am not home, especially at night, everything falls apart....especially for Precious. It's just so, so hard for her. We came home, she was manic and crazy and the 3 big kids all looked....well....traumatized, really. She had thrown things and broken things and yelled and screamed....and everyone was undone. We did a bit of triage....and I made her a peanut butter and banana smoothie per her request....and we went to bed. I rubbed her back with lavender, and we said a really long prayer, and then we read a really long book and she went to sleep. the hardest part was just before we went to bed. Precious was spinning on the kitchen floor, trying to tell me about her day. I was tired and trying to ignore the mound of dirty dishes behind me and focus on her. She told about the ornament she threw at Claire that smashed and how Claire yelled and her and cleaned it up and that Claire didn't love her any more....wait. What? Hunny. Just because Claire was mad....that doesn't mean she doesn't love you. She really thought that because of how aweful Precious behaved, that Claire didn't love her any more. Claire....who is her idol. A teenager with a boyfriend, a car, a life......can you imagine feeling like you screwed up so bad that your human idol didn't love you anymore???????
Oh Precious Maryn. Your sister still loves you. She just didn't know how to parent you tonight when you were wild and tired. It isn't her job to parent you. Mom and dad left for a little while and things went kinda wrong....but you are ok, sweet girl. Claire loves you.....so, so much. We all do.
I got them all settled and safe. I sent Roger down to talk to the big kids, and thank Claire for keeping everyone safe and alive so that we could go and reconnect with our group for an hour.....and I tucked the littles into our big bed. We diffused lavender, and had a back rub and a story and they went to sleep. I got up to do another sink-load of dishes. I picked up the pieces of my nativity scene that were all over the living room floor. I righted the cresh...and put the pieces back it. There was Mary and Joseph, the animals, the wise men and the shephard and the angel....but no baby Jesus in his cradle.
Oh. crud.
Precious.
She'd been moving around like a wild tornado for hours......baby Jesus could be anywhere. The dogs could have chewed him........oh heaven help me.....please, no.
I spent minutes picking up, looking. I found the "manger" mixed in with the snow boots that are piled up at the top of the stairs, all messy-like. I scanned the perimeter. No sign of Jesus. I picked up more toys and garbaga and stuff......and went to wash another sink load of dishes.....and happened to notice baby Jesus, on the kitchen floor, in the rubble and trash that connects there....and I picked him up and brushed him off and returned him to the nativity scene. Baby Jesus found himself once again, in the yuck of my life.....and I should not be surprised when I find Him there. He seems to wait for me there.
We made it through today. Baby Jesus is again in His rightful place....and we made it to our prayer group/bible study....even if we couldn't stay for the full evening. It's ok, really. As we prayed our bedtime prayer, I thanked God for all of it....and all of us....and I know He is here and listening and helping.....afterall.....baby Jesus was there, under my kitchen sink, safe and waiting.
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