He is Greater.....John 3:30 says He must become greater, I must become less"

 it's Mothers Day weekend.  I used to try to do a birth mom saturday thing and we went and bought flowers and planted them in pots....but it caused so much pain and heartache and my kids were sobbing....and I was thinking to myself....um.  no thank you.  We will deal with all the birth trauma but not this weekend..because I'm the one suffering here.  We stopped doing that because...only God can sort that out. our extra kredits have not seen their mama for awhile.  she left.  they have lots of other family that love them but I was warry and anxious about how mother's day would be for them.  Gosh.  They are troopers...they are beyond resilient.  They are grounded and rooted and grateful and hopeful and they know they are loved.  Only God ...  I also have 3 bio kids that are older and don't need so much...but are also old enough to understand Mother's Day. They bless me and they make sure I understand that they see how much mother...

 Last week Precious had a track meet.  She was running 3 events she was really excited for.  She had new shorts....she got up early to get ready and wanted to be there early to cheer for her teammates.  We went to watch.  It was cold and windy and really miserable....and I didn't pack enough blankets or warm clothing.  That meet didn't go well....she missed 2 out of her 3 events for reasons that were not necessarily her fault....but also left us frustrated and angry.  Roger tried to problem-solve with her after the meet which didn't go well.  She got angrier and more frustated and at the end of the night she had decided she hated track and was never going to run again.  And we couldn't make her.  And she wouldn't eat anything even though she hadn't eaten all day.  Next morning she left still mad, still not eating. I share all of this because it explains something about what it is like to feel frustrated and embarrased and helpless a...

 It's the last day of April.  In keeping with my current plan, I'm remembering my word for the year, and reflecting on the past month.  It is so easy to dwell on the problems of the day, or worry about the future....but it is important for me to pause here on the last day of April and just honor the month that has past.   April helped us move out of the bitter cold and extreme temps of March.  There were some sunny, warm and lovely days and there were som windy, cold and dreary days.  April always brings drizzle to IOwa....a cold, icy, rainy kind of thing that is not pleasant at all  unless one is at home, under a blanket watching Food Network or reading a bood.   April summoned me to see that the end of the school year is coming soon....and we began to plan for the summer things.  Sports camps, bible camps, daycare for the extra Kredits that remain with us for now, and which aspects of the pool and yard need to be dealt with first....

 If you hang around me for awhile, you will understand that my work and my life and my home are all very porous.  They just have to agree and flow together because they are all so important.  I've been working though a training module for awhile and I finished it today.  It gives me professional continuing educational credit but it also validates what I know and live and breathe and want to share in my life.   You are welcome. You are wanted. You are Seen. You are heard. You are known. You are safe.  You are understood. You belong.  These are the tennants of healing, of trauma-informed care, of infant and childhood mental health, of what it feels like when you knock on my door and walk into my home.  These are the principles I want to live by in all things and on all days....and I want the kids I raise here and the friends I invite here and the extra kredits I help here to all absorb and pay forward once they understand.  These are the t...

 My 2023 word is Aware.  I am striving to end each month with some awareness to keep myself accountable to my word and also to live presently and reflectively.  March 2023...... 1.  Cliches are there because of their truth  If March comes in like lion, it goes out like a lamb.  This late afternoon of the last day of March is quiet, mild and gentle.  I'll take it. 2.  This month has been brutal with too much snow and cold and wind and clouds....I am aware that we humans need sunshine and fresh air desperately, especially by March in the midwest.  3.  I am aware that as the drizzle and cold rain fell today, green grass started to peek through. 4.  I am aware, and remembering, that when children act out and misbehave, sometimes what they really need is connection and attention and some shared delight.  Painting finger and toenails, planting some things in dirt, letting them have a deep and long bath with color tabs, making french ...

 I'm writing on Thursday night but will likely post on Friday....to be technical.  I'm weighing in some thoughts on foster care tonight.  My new foster care t-shirt is washed and dried and folded to wear tomorrow....and I love it.  I bought it as a fund-raiser donation for my friend Sarah who was helping her daughter raise money to train her therapy dog.....her daughter has spina bifida and this dog will help her get around.  How cool is that!  So yeah....I bought the shirt.  (and maybe a cool bag)   Foster care is a really strange thing.  Unique.  Special and also bizarre and hard.  We have complete control over what our extra kredits eat, wear, and where they go and what they do.....we tuck them in at night and pray with them, we kiss their owies and give hugs and snuggles.....but we have no control or influence in what happens with their lives.  We hear and hold the hard stories....and document and report what we need to....

  I found a few minutes of solitude this morning.  As in so many other households, the mornings are crazy and rushed.....getting all the littles and middles up and dressed and fed, factoring in the extras that are invited in for a bowl of cereal and company as they wait for the bus.....and then realizing we are late but someone has to poop.....and we can't find the sneakers...... I found myself praying into my hands that covered my face, "Jesus please help".....even though it wasn't to save a life or solve world peace....it was just to find the shoes so I could get them all out the door on time.  He helped.  He got in the boat with me and we got the kids launched....and the dogs fed.....and I had some breakfast...and behold.....I had a few minutes to read and pray and worship this morning.   Mark 6:48-51......He saw the disciples straining at the oars, because the wind was against them.  About the fourth watch of the night he went out to them, walking ...