my birthday wish list

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Today was one of those days.....just hard.  Nothing went  horribly wrong, there was no tragic event.....it was just a long, hard day.  I had  a lot of things to deal with, decisions to make, adjustments and the need for some resilience.  I came home....exhausted.  Emotionally and physically and mentally.....

I actually ended my work day a few hours early because my self care barometer was sending its warning signal.  I came home and chopped some veggies, poured a glass of good red wine and played some music and made a nice dinner for my family.

Hard stuff doesn't stop when I get home.  Hard and stressful and challenging things come in the door too.  I tried hard not to be yucky at home.....and then the conversations started...about mom's birthday.  Just 2 days away.  What do you want for your birthday, mom?  Well....little person or two or three.....what I really want is not something we can afford.  I want the carpet torn out of my dining room and a new fridge and cupboards and an Island.  I want a deck in the backyard.  I want new landscaping and cement poured in the front and better curb appeal.....and I swear....one of the kids actually called me on this accusing me of wanting shallow, materialistic crap.  I swear.  I just can't remember which kid.  My default answer, every year is:  I want a candle.  And maybe a bird feeder.  I ask for these because I know the kids can go to a store in town and find these things and wrap them up and be excited because when I open the gift, they will know that it was just what I wanted....and it truly is.  I love candles.  And bird feeders.

Today I came up with 3 more items.  I told Jeremiah I would like him to take me out on a date to the movies because he has half a dozen free movie tickets....and he smiled....and I think I will get to go to a movie with him soon.  I told the kids I want a new garbage can for the bathroom....one with a lid.  I am so tired of picking up all of the bathroom trash that the dogs drag around the house when we are gone......and I asked Roger for a new stopper for my  kitchen sink.  Every time I fill the sink with dish soap and hot water, and dishes.....the water leaks out and when I go to wash the dishes there is no soapy water.  Makes me absolutely crazy.  Please.  Just a stopper.  To make life.....easier.

Maybe that's what it boils down to.....when 49 is the next year to celebrate.  Please.  Just find ways to make life....easier.  The average days with many children and hefty bills to pay and hard work to do...are just hard.  Anything that can make life easier would be a gift....especially a birthday gift...to me.

Precious and Josiah spent time in the garage tonight, while I was doing charting work.  They were hammering nails into wood.  Josiah took his in and said it was to help me remember my birthday was coming.  Precious asked for a blanket to wrap her project up in.  I cannot wait to see what she came up with.  My birthday will not be about the stuff.  It will be about the people who present me with the stuff....and I will thank them and I will cherish the stuff that came from the people that I love most...and maybe, just maybe, the days may feel a bit easier moving forward.  (if I get that sink stopper anyway)


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