she said pancakes but meant waffles.....I know. It's mostly the same thing!
This is a post I meant to write over on the Katelyn's Fund blog. I was scheduled to post their on Saturday. I knew what I wanted to write but the day just got away from me. I will write it here and hope some of the same readers cross over!
Last week Thursday, I went to wake Precious. By Thursday it is not fun to wake her up for school. It requires more patience and creativity because she is tired. We talked about breakfast, as we do every morning. "Precious, what do you want for breakfast today?" Breakfast is important because if she has a breakfast that is filling and makes her happy, her day starts well. Because she takes medicine to help her concentrate and calm down for school she doesn't want to eat for those 8 hours....so breakfast matters a lot until supper. She is a very picky, fussy eater.
She said "Are pancakes healthy?" as we laid on the bed together in the darkness of Thursday morning. I said, "Well, they are more healthy than chips.....but less healthy than eggs and toast....". She decided to have pancakes. I had already made eggs and toast and waffles and such for the rest of the family but I willingly returned to my morning corner of the universe between the sink and the stove.....and made a batch of pancakes for my girl. She came out of bed and got dressed and sat at the table.....*also a huge improvement in our mornings* and I presented her with the pancakes....with syrup and whip cream. She looked down and made that face....that aweful face that pushes all my buttons....the one that means its not right.
"I said I wanted waffles", she said. "no......", I said. "You said pancakes". She started to fuss and cry and said, " I wanted waffles!"....and because it was also MY Thursday of MY stressful week I got rather ugly. I thumped my fist down and said, "Precious Maryn! You said pancakes not waffles! Maybe you thought waffles but you said pancakes and I CANNOT read your mind! Now eat those pancakes or I swear I will never make you a meal again your entire life! You will have to learn to grow up on water! And I mean it!"
Classy, huh?
She ate the pancakes. I helped her with getting her sneakers on a bit later, as we gathered up her things for school. She sat beside me at the table and I was tying her shoe and she leaned against me the way kids sometimes do.....and I said, "Precious. You know I would never just give you water. I will always cook your meals for you. I was just frustrated. You know I was being silly right? I'm sorry I said that." She literally smiled the biggest, most beautiful smile I have ever seen, and her big brown eyes were soft and sweet and kind and she said, "yeah, mom, I know".
She knows. I invested in her day after day, months and years of nurturing and loving and giving to her sensory needs, her fragile emotions, her special inside self....and that inside self can look back at me after I totally blow it on a Thursday morning and show her the ugliest version of myself because I feel helpless and frustrated. Sorry. That was a really long run-on sentence....but that is how these things feel.....like a really big run-on sentence that eventually says something important.
It's called recovery. I recovered it with her. I could have let her leave last Thursday with the sting of my words and my fist thump on the bench.....but it was silly and stupid and I hated it so I made sure I had time to reconnect with her and apologize and make it right. There was instant forgiveness from my girl....and the best smile ever as I moved into MY stressful Thursday.
Folks, if you are parenting hard children, be encouraged. We cannot get it right all the time but mostly we will have a chance to apologize and recover if we just wait for it.....and decide to be humble. The reward is so big.
I write this, not so that someone will tell me what a great job I am doing. I mostly don't do a great job....but these times are worth sharing to give hope and help to others. Sometimes you dump the breakfast in the trash and make the waffles.....and other times you get them to eat the pancakes......and if you can also find the soft, warm, loving eyes and a smile....well....that's worth a lot.
Last week Thursday, I went to wake Precious. By Thursday it is not fun to wake her up for school. It requires more patience and creativity because she is tired. We talked about breakfast, as we do every morning. "Precious, what do you want for breakfast today?" Breakfast is important because if she has a breakfast that is filling and makes her happy, her day starts well. Because she takes medicine to help her concentrate and calm down for school she doesn't want to eat for those 8 hours....so breakfast matters a lot until supper. She is a very picky, fussy eater.
She said "Are pancakes healthy?" as we laid on the bed together in the darkness of Thursday morning. I said, "Well, they are more healthy than chips.....but less healthy than eggs and toast....". She decided to have pancakes. I had already made eggs and toast and waffles and such for the rest of the family but I willingly returned to my morning corner of the universe between the sink and the stove.....and made a batch of pancakes for my girl. She came out of bed and got dressed and sat at the table.....*also a huge improvement in our mornings* and I presented her with the pancakes....with syrup and whip cream. She looked down and made that face....that aweful face that pushes all my buttons....the one that means its not right.
"I said I wanted waffles", she said. "no......", I said. "You said pancakes". She started to fuss and cry and said, " I wanted waffles!"....and because it was also MY Thursday of MY stressful week I got rather ugly. I thumped my fist down and said, "Precious Maryn! You said pancakes not waffles! Maybe you thought waffles but you said pancakes and I CANNOT read your mind! Now eat those pancakes or I swear I will never make you a meal again your entire life! You will have to learn to grow up on water! And I mean it!"
Classy, huh?
She ate the pancakes. I helped her with getting her sneakers on a bit later, as we gathered up her things for school. She sat beside me at the table and I was tying her shoe and she leaned against me the way kids sometimes do.....and I said, "Precious. You know I would never just give you water. I will always cook your meals for you. I was just frustrated. You know I was being silly right? I'm sorry I said that." She literally smiled the biggest, most beautiful smile I have ever seen, and her big brown eyes were soft and sweet and kind and she said, "yeah, mom, I know".
She knows. I invested in her day after day, months and years of nurturing and loving and giving to her sensory needs, her fragile emotions, her special inside self....and that inside self can look back at me after I totally blow it on a Thursday morning and show her the ugliest version of myself because I feel helpless and frustrated. Sorry. That was a really long run-on sentence....but that is how these things feel.....like a really big run-on sentence that eventually says something important.
It's called recovery. I recovered it with her. I could have let her leave last Thursday with the sting of my words and my fist thump on the bench.....but it was silly and stupid and I hated it so I made sure I had time to reconnect with her and apologize and make it right. There was instant forgiveness from my girl....and the best smile ever as I moved into MY stressful Thursday.
Folks, if you are parenting hard children, be encouraged. We cannot get it right all the time but mostly we will have a chance to apologize and recover if we just wait for it.....and decide to be humble. The reward is so big.
I write this, not so that someone will tell me what a great job I am doing. I mostly don't do a great job....but these times are worth sharing to give hope and help to others. Sometimes you dump the breakfast in the trash and make the waffles.....and other times you get them to eat the pancakes......and if you can also find the soft, warm, loving eyes and a smile....well....that's worth a lot.
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