the meltdowns
We were using this term before we knew that it was common language with kids from hard places. Meltdowns. They have set the tone of our home for 6 years now, ever since Precious Maryn decided to start communicating with us. Meltdowns are mysterious, dramatic, and surprising. Every time. Sometimes there are multiple meltdowns throughout the day. Meltdowns are exhausting. Meltdowns happen without warning and are little explosions in the home that upset.....well....almost everything.....and almost everyone. Meltdowns cannot be prevented.
Maybe it is my lack of expertise or training or whatever....but for today......I am sticking with my statement. Meltdowns cannot be prevented. A meltdown may come because there are no buns in the house for a ham/pickle/chip sandwich.....or that the wrong kind of chips are in the cupboard......or that she woke up in the wrong bed.....or that someone else was on my lap.....or that the schedule changed because of weather or illness......or that someone in the family interfered with her process......and it results in an explosion of screaming, crying, breaking things.......
We live with meltdowns here. They are not her fault. She didn't choose to be upset, irritable, full of rage or fear or exhaustion or distress. Her nature is actually to please....and bless......
What do we do in a meltdown?
The answer is.......less. I stop cooking. I cancel plans. I pull her in close. I put my arm around her and give her a kiss. I take deep breaths and try to calm us both down. (Usually I first yell and threaten and shake my finger at her and that doesn't help so then I remember to slow down and give more love......)
Meltdowns come from an inability to self-regulate. It's like coming unglued from the inside out...and being so smart that you see it happen but you cannot stop it or fix it. Can you imagine how frustrating that is? It's hard to experience and harder still to know that I cannot stop it. Thank goodness the meltdowns don't come every day......most days, yes, but not every day.
Why do I write this? Well.
I'm not finding it written anywhere else.
Maybe it is my lack of expertise or training or whatever....but for today......I am sticking with my statement. Meltdowns cannot be prevented. A meltdown may come because there are no buns in the house for a ham/pickle/chip sandwich.....or that the wrong kind of chips are in the cupboard......or that she woke up in the wrong bed.....or that someone else was on my lap.....or that the schedule changed because of weather or illness......or that someone in the family interfered with her process......and it results in an explosion of screaming, crying, breaking things.......
We live with meltdowns here. They are not her fault. She didn't choose to be upset, irritable, full of rage or fear or exhaustion or distress. Her nature is actually to please....and bless......
What do we do in a meltdown?
The answer is.......less. I stop cooking. I cancel plans. I pull her in close. I put my arm around her and give her a kiss. I take deep breaths and try to calm us both down. (Usually I first yell and threaten and shake my finger at her and that doesn't help so then I remember to slow down and give more love......)
Meltdowns come from an inability to self-regulate. It's like coming unglued from the inside out...and being so smart that you see it happen but you cannot stop it or fix it. Can you imagine how frustrating that is? It's hard to experience and harder still to know that I cannot stop it. Thank goodness the meltdowns don't come every day......most days, yes, but not every day.
Why do I write this? Well.
I'm not finding it written anywhere else.
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