pray without ceasing in spite of myself

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Deep breath.

Gulp.

Here goes.....

Yesterday, a little girl in our community was found unconscious in the morning when her parents went to wake her for church.  They rushed her to the hospital and all of yesterday prayers were lifted up for her, and her family.....through the night, the gates of Heaven were stormed with pleas.  We begged God to save her life, to heal her, to do a miracle.  She was only 4 years old, to my knowledge.  Her parents asked for prayers but declared that God is sovereign in all things, even as her life hung in the balance.  She died today.

I had several talks with God about sweet Ava.  He could show off and do a miracle and these people would give Him all the glory forever and ever....they just would.  Our entire community would recognize a miracle and give Him honor for it......and God can do it.  Whenever he wants to.  It was not in His plan to do so today for Ava.  I reasoned it out in my head, I cried it out of my heart, I prayed it through as I drove around the county for work....and then I just got MAD.

Why wouldn't He heal her and give her parents the biggest gift ever?  In my anger I decided to not talk to Him for awhile because I didn't have anything good to say to Him.  I'm mad at God.  For them, not for me......for his mama most of all.  I was talking to my friend on the phone as I walked the dog around 2:00 this afternoon.  I told her that since I was mad at God I would not talk to Him for a few hours, til at least 5pm when I hoped I could cool off.

I walked through our college campus with Lexi and was thinking about the spiritual atmosphere there....and the kids....and the football team.....and I prayed for a student there that God asked me to pray for.....and then, guess what?  The kid rode by on a skateboard.....right in front of me!  He flashed me a grin of recognition and I smiled back and was like...."Hey!".....and He was like, "Hey!  How are you!" and I wanted to say to him...."freaky but I was just praying for you!"  but he was with other jock-athlete football players and that would have been awkward......and then it hit me.

I had been praying for 20 minutes without even realizing it......seriously?!  ......after I had decided not to pray for 3 hours I made it about 15 minutes.

Pray without ceasing is a thing.  Against my human emotion, the Holy Spirit is in charge of me.....and moves through me......thank goodness.  

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