a mama Christmas rant

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Ho ho....ba-hum-bug.  It's December 4.  
The "ba-humbug" is NOT mine!  But my family....well....maybe. Last weekend, after Thanksgiving, of course, we ventured out to chop down the annual Kredit Christmas tree.  We had fun....but the trees were't great.  They were all smaller than we like.  We finally agreed on one and took it home.  I had purchased a new pre-lit tree for Claire, so once home, that Sunday, in our warm house, she and her friend started decorating hers.  We let the fresh one sit a bit.  Then Roger and I put the lights on.  I took up a box of ornaments and they sat on the coffee table.  For 5 days.

Claire and her friend started to decorate hers....and then stopped.  Hers is still sitting in the family room downstairs....undone.  Today, I was finally home after a crazy week of nothing billable.....and alone....I put all the ornaments on the fresh tree upstairs, then set up this artificial one in the basement for the kids.  I asked,  but no one wanted to help.  Sigh.

Earlier in  the season, Claire asked if I had ever considered doing a "theme tree".  I said....."well, that would mean buying all new ornaments which costs a lot of money~"....and she agreed.  Today, when I put the ornaments on the tree I noted than many were broken, and that obviously, my kids are NOT sentimental about their pre-school, homemade ornaments, or the stories of the rest of the ornaments we save every year.   They were not interested.  Maybe it is time for a "theme tree"....although, Heaven help me.....what would that 'theme' be?!  Orphans?  Um.  Maybe not.

We are in a season where I am the only one here who wants to decorate, and make things festive.  8 people live here.  Only this one Me cares to pull the boxes off the shelf, and try to figure out where to put the 19 year old holiday decor....because most of it came when we got married.

Do I yield?  Do I persevere?

I don't want my children to not care about Christmas.  Lots of families contact me, asking for families to bless for Christmas.  I always have families.  Other families take their children shopping for "my" families and bless them for Christmas.  My kids......not so much.  I'm feeling like a Christmas fail because I use so much energy making sure other families enjoy the best of the season.....and then use the eeking moments of my day to make my home festive.  What the heck.

I don't want to "Skip Christmas"....although I loved the book and the movie.  I don't even want to teach my family a lesson.  I just want to enjoy the season because it is so, so special.

Jesus.  Came.  To.  Earth.

For sinful, jealous, disgusted, resentful, weak, entitled, spiteful me.

As a baby.

Oh, my heart.

He came to save ME from the 2015 Christmas nightmare of trees and lights and ornaments and the non-existent picture of our family in matching outfits.  To save me from more credit card debt and the stress of planning a party for my family when I'm worried about who will fight and be hurtful.  He came to save me from the hours of shopping online so that everyone in this house gets just what they want.....because inevitably.....that won't happen and I will feel defeated.  He went to the cross to cover that moment.

Jesus.....I'm not strong enough to  completely yield the worldliness of this holiday yet this year.  Mostly because of my kids who seem ungrateful but would be really sad if I just did.  Jesus.  Walk through it with me, ok?  When the lights are off and the trees are lit....would you just sit with me there....and help me to know more of the magnitude of what you did?

When I'm trying to plan a party and worried.....would you just plan to be the first guest here?

When my children zealously unwrap gifts.....would you please touch their hearts?  Crazy.   I know.  But I also know you can.

I don't want to ruin Christmas as it stands.....but I would really love for it to matter in smaller things.

Maybe, just maybe, the kids have it right more than me.  Maybe they don't care about the "stuff" because it's not about that stuff!  Whoa.  if that's true, than I need a moment.  Or a shift.


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