What good moms think about.....
Today was a rather long day. It was supposed to be, I guess, since it was the official last day of summer vacation for the kids. Tomorrow they go to school. I am so ready to have them back in school again! I feel as if tomorrow, I get my house back.....and sort of....get my life back. I was very intentional this summer to be home and present as much as possible and work as little as possible so I could savor these long, lazy days of summer. I think I did a great job......at my own expense. I am back-logged at work like crazy. My carpets are in desperate need of cleaning......and I am really tired of going for groceries every other day.
I am in a moral conflict tonight. I see all these other moms who are my friends and they are just aching and sad about summer being over and having to send their kids to school......that's what good moms should feel, right? I really do think I'm a good mom. I cannot wait for tomorrow! I'm feeling guilty about wanting them out of my house.......and I guess if I really think about it, I don't necessarily want them away from me......I love my kids. And their friends. And the daycare kids I had around, too.......but what I really crave is solitude.
When everyone is at school and work and daycare, I get to feel like a private version of me. I don't have to spend the whole day making food and picking up and tying shoes and finding goggles and washing towels and setting out snacks and cleaning up after everyone and running kids here and there and settling fights and making more food and finding cartoons and setting up play-do and cleaning up play-do........when they all leave tomorrow, I can turn off all technology and sit in silence and take deep breaths. I don't think I've heard or seen birds for 3 months. I miss deep breaths and birds. When they all leave I can load the dishwasher and NOT turn around to another counter full of dirty dishes......and vacuum floors and not turn around to more stuff everywhere. Anyway, you get the point. I long for order, and cleanliness and quiet.
All day long as I do my job and take care of my home and my dogs I will think of my children and where they are and what they are doing and when they will be home and I will eagerly anticipate each of them returning home to tell me all about their day. I will celebrate the music lesson practices again and helping with memory work and studying for tests. I like watching my children be challenged and have their brains stimulated at school and in sports.
There are adventures coming, once they all leave the house tomorrow in their new "first day" clothes....and new friends to make, and new teachers and coaches to admire. The Lord has lots of good stuff planned for my nest of birds and they cannot experience it if they do not fly from my nest. So. I'm not sad they are leaving tomorrow. I am elated.....I am excited.....I am supportive and hopeful and will send them out with prayers and confidence and smiles. 7 hours later, I will be here, waiting to hear all about the first day from all 6 of them.
Grace, our exchange student, is really dreading school. Tonight she said she doesn't want to go to school. She just wants to stay here and live with us and not study. Oh oh. Yes......we've ruined her....but in a good way! I told her that she has to finish high school but next year if her parents agree, she doesn't have to leave us or go to college. She may stay and live with us forever, as long as her dad sends money for her. She offered to take care of Precious and Josiah and be my nanny......so I think she likes it here.
The boys tried to say they were dreading starting school but I could hear them downstairs banging around and singing and laughing and when I went down to check, they were organizing their bedroom, packing away clothes and matching socks in the laundry.....so I do think they are ready, too. Isaac asked for breakfast pizza from Casey's for the first day.......why not? Sounds good to me too. They all seem to want the first day to be awesome......so I will do my best to make it so.
See? I'm a good mom too.
I am in a moral conflict tonight. I see all these other moms who are my friends and they are just aching and sad about summer being over and having to send their kids to school......that's what good moms should feel, right? I really do think I'm a good mom. I cannot wait for tomorrow! I'm feeling guilty about wanting them out of my house.......and I guess if I really think about it, I don't necessarily want them away from me......I love my kids. And their friends. And the daycare kids I had around, too.......but what I really crave is solitude.
When everyone is at school and work and daycare, I get to feel like a private version of me. I don't have to spend the whole day making food and picking up and tying shoes and finding goggles and washing towels and setting out snacks and cleaning up after everyone and running kids here and there and settling fights and making more food and finding cartoons and setting up play-do and cleaning up play-do........when they all leave tomorrow, I can turn off all technology and sit in silence and take deep breaths. I don't think I've heard or seen birds for 3 months. I miss deep breaths and birds. When they all leave I can load the dishwasher and NOT turn around to another counter full of dirty dishes......and vacuum floors and not turn around to more stuff everywhere. Anyway, you get the point. I long for order, and cleanliness and quiet.
All day long as I do my job and take care of my home and my dogs I will think of my children and where they are and what they are doing and when they will be home and I will eagerly anticipate each of them returning home to tell me all about their day. I will celebrate the music lesson practices again and helping with memory work and studying for tests. I like watching my children be challenged and have their brains stimulated at school and in sports.
There are adventures coming, once they all leave the house tomorrow in their new "first day" clothes....and new friends to make, and new teachers and coaches to admire. The Lord has lots of good stuff planned for my nest of birds and they cannot experience it if they do not fly from my nest. So. I'm not sad they are leaving tomorrow. I am elated.....I am excited.....I am supportive and hopeful and will send them out with prayers and confidence and smiles. 7 hours later, I will be here, waiting to hear all about the first day from all 6 of them.
Grace, our exchange student, is really dreading school. Tonight she said she doesn't want to go to school. She just wants to stay here and live with us and not study. Oh oh. Yes......we've ruined her....but in a good way! I told her that she has to finish high school but next year if her parents agree, she doesn't have to leave us or go to college. She may stay and live with us forever, as long as her dad sends money for her. She offered to take care of Precious and Josiah and be my nanny......so I think she likes it here.
The boys tried to say they were dreading starting school but I could hear them downstairs banging around and singing and laughing and when I went down to check, they were organizing their bedroom, packing away clothes and matching socks in the laundry.....so I do think they are ready, too. Isaac asked for breakfast pizza from Casey's for the first day.......why not? Sounds good to me too. They all seem to want the first day to be awesome......so I will do my best to make it so.
See? I'm a good mom too.
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