The Semicolon Series part One

 I reached a milestone recently.  It is one that is rarely noted publicly.  We all know I make a habit of identifying the elephant in the room whenever possible so it's that time again.  If reading about it makes the reader uncomfortable that only proves my point even more....and if it makes you smile and laugh then you get it.  What is it?  Menopause.  Not pre-menopause.  Not peri-menopause.  Full-on, transitioned through and now identified in my medical record as "post-menopausal".  I am a post-menopausal woman.  If you wish to know the definition of this you can look it up.  It has a clear definition.  I'm it.  It comes with a culture of its own, a list of feelings and thoughts and experiences and wishes and regrets and dreams and memories.  It has a lifeline of before, during and after....and it is rich with joy and sorrow, stories and ghosts, unmet needs and better than you could have hoped for realities....

I was at an appointment with my health care provider this week when we made the declaration together that I was post-menopausal and I said that there should be some big way to commemorate it, like a tattoo or something.....and she said, well, you could do the semicolon on your wrist.  I had to ask about that because I'm not super tattoo-savy or social-media literate so she explained it a bit and I was curious.  I told her I would let her know if I decided to do something epic.  

I went home and began to think more about the semicolon than about menopause.  I looked up the Semicolon Project and found out that it was launched to honor those with mental illness and to raise awareness for suicide and when someone wears a mark of semicolon on their wrist either with a marker or a tattoo it sends a message that they care and know and share empathy for those who struggle with issues around mental illness and suicide.  The reason this puncuation mark was chosen was to symbolize that there was what came before and that there is something that will come after the suffering.....and the semicolon separates the two things. It is meant to give hope that there is more to come in life.   

  By definition, a semicolon links two independent clauses that are closely related in thought.  I have a few different ideas to write about, all that will hopefully stay true to the respect of the original idea of the semicolon project regarding respect for those who struggle with mental health issues, but also showing some other places where God has turned a light for me to see a bit brighter.  One of these semicolon places is in menopause.

  What came before, was my youth and young adulthood years, where I did my blooming.....and my womb bore children and my body nursed them and cared for them.  In those years there was some unhappiness in how my body looked and how I wished it looked, how it performed, or didn't do what I wanted it to, and in what ways I was amazed by what I was able to do...because it was 50 years so it was plenty of both.  Then comes the semicolon of menopause because there is a next part coming that is full of expectation, mystery, hope and curiosity.  So many questions have been answered.  The future holds a really big canvas and I'm not really sure what will go on it quite yet.....I'm not sad that those years are behind me.  Choosing who to marry, how many children to have, whether to adopt, etc.  We made choices and we made a family and we travelled through that part to the part where I can say the choices are made.  We can add to our family but it will look different from now on....and on the right side of the semicolon, there is a wisdom and a contentment and a knowing that wasn't there on the other side of it.  On the right side of this semicolon comes a right to a respect that has been earned.  I have done the work.  I have some answers because I not only asked the questions but I already worked it out and by trial and error, and by mistakes and apologies and lots and lots of redos, I got to the semicolon of life called menopause.   Go ahead and ask me.  I probably know the answer.  

The wrinkles, the saggy skin, the thickening knobby joints, the bulgy and spidery veins, the stiff way my muscles sometimes move, the way I have to hold the things I see either up close or far away.....the things I forget and the things I remember....the embarassing way I dance and the words of the songs I still know.....they are all part of it.  The fact that I have no idea what is in style or what fashion makes sense for clothes or hair or shoes or coats.....almost measures up to the fact that I could care less what's in fashion until I need to buy something new and don't know what to get.  Oh, elephant in the room, how I hate and love you all the same....can't I just tame you and give you a name?