attachment parenting
When I became a mother almost 18 years ago, I felt a bond of love and fierce protection for my baby that I couldn't even name. It was a deep and visceral emotion and it was overwhelming to me. I was a new mom so I started reading parenting books and the one that made the most sense to me was by a Dr. Sears and was called Attachment Parenting. Everything in me screamed Yes! Yes! Yes! I began to understand that I was created to be an attached parent.
Attachment parenting involves responding to baby's cues, not letting them cry it out. It involves nighttime parenting and breastfeeding and lots of physical touch and affection and denying your own needs and wants sometimes to make sure that your baby feels safe and secure. It is about building trust with a child so that mentally they feel well.....and it is exhausting. It is an investment in the child, as a person, so that when they are older, they will be able. Resilient. Competent. Healthy.
My husband and I both agreed that this kind of parenting made sense to us and felt good. I could talk about this topic all day long. I am passionate about it. Like....write a book passionate.....but for now, I will share this example.
My second child, Isaac, was a hard baby. He cried a lot. He had reflux and spit up constantly. He wanted to nurse every 30 minutes all day and all night. He literally slept between my legs to keep his head propped up at night and I was exhausted for his first 3 years of life. He was crabby. He didn't feel well. I nursed him, I wore him in a sling which is a baby carrier made of fabric. We did co-sleeping. I did baby massage on him every day for over a year......and I nursed him long into his third year of life because it was the only thing that soothed him and made him comfortable. ( I later learned he had a nasty intolerance for dairy.....and thank goodness, human breast milk has no cow protein in it.)
Isaac and I have always been close. I know that we are because of the time he and I invested in his earliest years when he was miserable and I was his mom. He is older now. He is a teen he doesn't need me so much anymore. This week, one of his baseball games is almost 2 hours away. We have had several discussions about this game and whether we will go or not because it is so far away and will be a 6 hour trip mid-week. My 2 littlest kids...well.....those kinds of plans are not fun with them or for them. My oldest has been gone for a week in Haiti and I want to be here for her. My monkey in the middle does not want to ride 2 hours one way for a 4 hour baseball event and then 2 hours home again.......so do I go or do I not go? My mellow, steady, easy-going husband says....."well, if we don't go I will work out of town and maybe have dinner with the guys and be home later.....but I would like to go and watch him play. " oh. oh. oh. the luxury of being.....dad.
Today Isaac let me know he will likely pitch at the game tomorrow night. Dang it. I had decided to not go based on all the good reasons to stay home but to watch him pitch? He will probably not pitch again this week. He is a good pitcher. It is fun to watch him pitch. He already told me he didn't care if I came to watch or not and he meant it. He is an attached child. He knows I love him. He trusts me. But. He is PITCHING!!!!!
Here is the thing about attachment parenting. It goes both ways. I knew that if I went to watch his game tomorrow night, 2 hours away.....I would be, essentially, miserable. Entertaining littles, feeling tired, helping the at home kids via text message, etc. If I did not go watch his game I would feel guilty. Miserable or guilty? which option? at the end of the moment the attachment part of this mama decided I didn't want to miss his game. I didn't want to sit home and not watch him play the sport he loves, in his high school team jersey with his team mates doing life in the grandest way possible for a 15 year old kid who is seriously such a good, good kid. Gosh I love him. So I am packing a cooler tomorrow and taking food and drinks and my best attitude and we are heading to Estherville, Iowa to watch my boy play baseball.
Being attached.....well....it is the only way for me.
Attachment parenting involves responding to baby's cues, not letting them cry it out. It involves nighttime parenting and breastfeeding and lots of physical touch and affection and denying your own needs and wants sometimes to make sure that your baby feels safe and secure. It is about building trust with a child so that mentally they feel well.....and it is exhausting. It is an investment in the child, as a person, so that when they are older, they will be able. Resilient. Competent. Healthy.
My husband and I both agreed that this kind of parenting made sense to us and felt good. I could talk about this topic all day long. I am passionate about it. Like....write a book passionate.....but for now, I will share this example.
My second child, Isaac, was a hard baby. He cried a lot. He had reflux and spit up constantly. He wanted to nurse every 30 minutes all day and all night. He literally slept between my legs to keep his head propped up at night and I was exhausted for his first 3 years of life. He was crabby. He didn't feel well. I nursed him, I wore him in a sling which is a baby carrier made of fabric. We did co-sleeping. I did baby massage on him every day for over a year......and I nursed him long into his third year of life because it was the only thing that soothed him and made him comfortable. ( I later learned he had a nasty intolerance for dairy.....and thank goodness, human breast milk has no cow protein in it.)
Isaac and I have always been close. I know that we are because of the time he and I invested in his earliest years when he was miserable and I was his mom. He is older now. He is a teen he doesn't need me so much anymore. This week, one of his baseball games is almost 2 hours away. We have had several discussions about this game and whether we will go or not because it is so far away and will be a 6 hour trip mid-week. My 2 littlest kids...well.....those kinds of plans are not fun with them or for them. My oldest has been gone for a week in Haiti and I want to be here for her. My monkey in the middle does not want to ride 2 hours one way for a 4 hour baseball event and then 2 hours home again.......so do I go or do I not go? My mellow, steady, easy-going husband says....."well, if we don't go I will work out of town and maybe have dinner with the guys and be home later.....but I would like to go and watch him play. " oh. oh. oh. the luxury of being.....dad.
Today Isaac let me know he will likely pitch at the game tomorrow night. Dang it. I had decided to not go based on all the good reasons to stay home but to watch him pitch? He will probably not pitch again this week. He is a good pitcher. It is fun to watch him pitch. He already told me he didn't care if I came to watch or not and he meant it. He is an attached child. He knows I love him. He trusts me. But. He is PITCHING!!!!!
Here is the thing about attachment parenting. It goes both ways. I knew that if I went to watch his game tomorrow night, 2 hours away.....I would be, essentially, miserable. Entertaining littles, feeling tired, helping the at home kids via text message, etc. If I did not go watch his game I would feel guilty. Miserable or guilty? which option? at the end of the moment the attachment part of this mama decided I didn't want to miss his game. I didn't want to sit home and not watch him play the sport he loves, in his high school team jersey with his team mates doing life in the grandest way possible for a 15 year old kid who is seriously such a good, good kid. Gosh I love him. So I am packing a cooler tomorrow and taking food and drinks and my best attitude and we are heading to Estherville, Iowa to watch my boy play baseball.
Being attached.....well....it is the only way for me.
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