on wonder
The current events lately have me feeling really down and helpless. Politics. Hurricane Matthew. Hardship. I took a long walk today and prayed and asked God to give me His desire, His heart and His gifts. Today, He gave me Wonder.
Not "wonder" as in, I wonder who will be president, or I wonder what I should do to end racism. But.....Wonder. The quiet smile, the look up to the sun and breathe deep, the bow my head in awe and gratitude kind of wonder.
Years ago, we did some therapeutic work with Precious to connect better with her. I can share with you the research and reference if you want, but the jist of it was play therapy that was deliberate and intentional. Daily we were to play with her but give praise, not ask questions, talk through what she was leading in the play time and be playful and silly and positive with her. It was harder than it seems. It took practice. It helped us to reconnect with her and it helped her to trust us again in a way that let us guide her to better behaviors, better everything. It's kind of like magic...but a lot more work. I haven't done play therapy with her for awhile, mostly because she is older and has been doing so well, and partly because I just stay so damn busy with everything. Today I bought a few things to play with, some small inexpensive lego models for Precious and Josiah, and a game, etc. to help structure play time (and hopefully cut down on the kind of play that is less positive......if you get my drift). Precious came home first and saw the little lego boxes. She asked if she could open hers, while I was on the phone with a realtor, trying to get help finding a house for a client.
I gave Precious a yes. I not only said yes, but I sat down with her and turned the pages of the instruction book and watched her, in awe and wonder, as she put that little toy together. She did it. All by herself. With patience and purpose.....no tantrum or meltdown, no "I can't do it!".....she could do it and she knew she could and she was proud of herself and she did it. As she started putting pieces together, I started doing the play therapy talk with her, and it flowed from me as if I was doing it every day, and with every moment, I was more proud of her, and more in awe and wonder of how far she has come......wow.
An hour later, Isaac and I went to the back yard. There was a 10 gallon bucket full of dog poo and rain water that has become a nuisance here. Roger kept meaning to deal with it but it was seriously so disgusting and HEAVY that it had not been moved. Isaac and I tried to get it into a garbage bag....but the plastic bag inside of the bucket burst....and splashed.....on.....us. I started to heave and wretch and choke down vomit......so disgusting. I couldn't breathe. My eyes watered.....the smell......and the sight of dog turds floating in that awful pail of water.....too, too much. I had to go inside. I told Isaac that it was his dad's idea to bury it. The poo and water, that is. Isaac went and got a shovel and this 14 year old boy started to dig a deep,deep hole....in the far side of the yard. Next he shoved and rotated and carried that nasty 10 gallon bucket to the hole, dumped it in and covered it with dirt. (I video taped it for his dad who is working in Texas this week) and vascillated between laughter, hoots of approval and dry heaves. We tossed the pail into the garbage that will go out tomorrow......and I am in awe that I gave birth to a boy who could do this awful thing, and then shower and come up for dinner with a smile.
I was cleaning up dinner, doing dishes, mediating arguments, picking up lego pieces, etc. when the doorbell rang. The dogs rushed the door barking like crazy animals, I screamed at them. The kids went to the door but then said, "mom, its for you!". I went to the door and there stood one of my clients. She is a sweet, quiet girl, and she had in her hands a plate of warm, fresh home made tacos.....authentic.....Guatemalan....tacos. For me. Limes cut into quarters. 3 kids of sauce made fresh.......tortillas.....made..........fresh. I stood at the counter gazing at that plate of beauty in awe and wonder.......that someone would think to include and bless me.....with such a gift of food. In awe and wonder I smiled, and squeezed the lime and poured the sauce......and completely tasted and enjoyed every last bite.
The big problems of the world cannot be addressed most days. What I learned today, is that taking a long walk and spending time in prayer can give me a long list of things in my simple life that cause me to be filled.....filled up.....with awe and wonder.
This world is still a good place. Good people live here. Good work is being done. Generosity is alive and well. Art and play and work are still thriving......and in a spirit of Wonder I can end this day with hope for tomorrow again and again.
Not "wonder" as in, I wonder who will be president, or I wonder what I should do to end racism. But.....Wonder. The quiet smile, the look up to the sun and breathe deep, the bow my head in awe and gratitude kind of wonder.
Years ago, we did some therapeutic work with Precious to connect better with her. I can share with you the research and reference if you want, but the jist of it was play therapy that was deliberate and intentional. Daily we were to play with her but give praise, not ask questions, talk through what she was leading in the play time and be playful and silly and positive with her. It was harder than it seems. It took practice. It helped us to reconnect with her and it helped her to trust us again in a way that let us guide her to better behaviors, better everything. It's kind of like magic...but a lot more work. I haven't done play therapy with her for awhile, mostly because she is older and has been doing so well, and partly because I just stay so damn busy with everything. Today I bought a few things to play with, some small inexpensive lego models for Precious and Josiah, and a game, etc. to help structure play time (and hopefully cut down on the kind of play that is less positive......if you get my drift). Precious came home first and saw the little lego boxes. She asked if she could open hers, while I was on the phone with a realtor, trying to get help finding a house for a client.
I gave Precious a yes. I not only said yes, but I sat down with her and turned the pages of the instruction book and watched her, in awe and wonder, as she put that little toy together. She did it. All by herself. With patience and purpose.....no tantrum or meltdown, no "I can't do it!".....she could do it and she knew she could and she was proud of herself and she did it. As she started putting pieces together, I started doing the play therapy talk with her, and it flowed from me as if I was doing it every day, and with every moment, I was more proud of her, and more in awe and wonder of how far she has come......wow.
An hour later, Isaac and I went to the back yard. There was a 10 gallon bucket full of dog poo and rain water that has become a nuisance here. Roger kept meaning to deal with it but it was seriously so disgusting and HEAVY that it had not been moved. Isaac and I tried to get it into a garbage bag....but the plastic bag inside of the bucket burst....and splashed.....on.....us. I started to heave and wretch and choke down vomit......so disgusting. I couldn't breathe. My eyes watered.....the smell......and the sight of dog turds floating in that awful pail of water.....too, too much. I had to go inside. I told Isaac that it was his dad's idea to bury it. The poo and water, that is. Isaac went and got a shovel and this 14 year old boy started to dig a deep,deep hole....in the far side of the yard. Next he shoved and rotated and carried that nasty 10 gallon bucket to the hole, dumped it in and covered it with dirt. (I video taped it for his dad who is working in Texas this week) and vascillated between laughter, hoots of approval and dry heaves. We tossed the pail into the garbage that will go out tomorrow......and I am in awe that I gave birth to a boy who could do this awful thing, and then shower and come up for dinner with a smile.
I was cleaning up dinner, doing dishes, mediating arguments, picking up lego pieces, etc. when the doorbell rang. The dogs rushed the door barking like crazy animals, I screamed at them. The kids went to the door but then said, "mom, its for you!". I went to the door and there stood one of my clients. She is a sweet, quiet girl, and she had in her hands a plate of warm, fresh home made tacos.....authentic.....Guatemalan....tacos. For me. Limes cut into quarters. 3 kids of sauce made fresh.......tortillas.....made..........fresh. I stood at the counter gazing at that plate of beauty in awe and wonder.......that someone would think to include and bless me.....with such a gift of food. In awe and wonder I smiled, and squeezed the lime and poured the sauce......and completely tasted and enjoyed every last bite.
The big problems of the world cannot be addressed most days. What I learned today, is that taking a long walk and spending time in prayer can give me a long list of things in my simple life that cause me to be filled.....filled up.....with awe and wonder.
This world is still a good place. Good people live here. Good work is being done. Generosity is alive and well. Art and play and work are still thriving......and in a spirit of Wonder I can end this day with hope for tomorrow again and again.
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