He is Greater.....John 3:30 says He must become greater, I must become less"

 Yesterday we celebrated an epic day for our family.  Isaac graduated from Dordt U in the morning with a buisness/construction management Bachelor's degree.  His was the class that graduated in the pandemic and did not get a real senior year or graduation.  We were pleased and surprised when he actually went to college buecause everything was so hard that year in 2020.  He did all 4 years and got his diploma and we are so proud!  Claire also walked the stage at Dordt U having finished her masters of social work degree....something neither Roger or I ever did.  She works in Des Moines as a mental health professional and God uses her to heal and love the hurting and the lost.  I'm so so proud of them both!   Jeremiah took off work to attend the events, as did our extra Kredit son Uriel, who loves to join in all of our family holidays and special events.  He and Jeremiah both did a year of college and then said it was enough and entere...

 I've had a rough couple of weeks.  Nothing serious or tragic happened, it just felt like an uphill climb every day and a few days in there where I stumbled, lost my footing and it was just exhausting having to gear up to climb some more.  It's friday night and I have come to a flat landing on this mountain and I"m ready to rest a bit and take in my surroundings for a couple of days.  We don't have to travel out of town, we don't have an intense schedule for the weekend and it's time to prepare and consume some sensory  sustenance.....and to find a way to self-regulate now that there is time to catch my breath.   I have had an ah-ha moment.  When children are not regulated, and no one is co-regulating with them, and they are aware of this, there are impulse control issues.  "Why is he doing that?"  Lets see how regulated vs. how dysregulated he is.....how long does it take him to get to calm and make smart decisions vs being impulsive, d...

 Years ago, my oldest kiddo was struggling with some of her relationships.  Friends she thought were good and faithful fell short.  She felt unsafe and unprepared socially and so she and I sat down together after she had vented and cried and talked through all the things.  I drew a circle, then a bigger one around it and a third bigger circle around that one.  Together we came up with a list of people she could put in the most inner circle, defined as who she could trust no matter what.  It is a small circle for a reason.  Who can you say with certainty that you know will always put you first, care for you and come through for you?  Because she wasn't sure we talked about options and why they could be reliable.....God, mom, dad (and maybe nana Barb but I don't really remember.)  The second circle includes people we care about deeply who we know care for us...and why.  We discuss who they are and what qualities they posess to put them in ...

 Recently I had a conversation with a  mother about self care .  She has a newborn and 2 older kids and a partner and a job.  When I asked her about her self care she looked at me like I was crazy...She had no idea of how to come up with list of things she can do that will give her peace, rest and fill her emotional cup.  I'm guessing this is not uncommon because if someone doesn't practice self care, they would not have much of a list.  I have practiced.  I have a list and I know how to use it.   This weekend I was able to stay home and Roger and Precious went on to the volleyball tournament together.  JOsiah was sad because he wanted to go to Kentucky...it sounded glamorous...but I knew it would be 2 days in the car, 2 days in the volleyball arena and 2 days driving home.  I was already tired and feeling wiped out....I needed to clean my house and sit in my rocking chair and sleep in my bed with the window open and the fan blowing...

 We just returned from a volleyball competition in Kansas City.  These weekends of club volleyball are exciting and stressful, expensive and also costly in social and emotional currency.  Some moments gain and some moments lose in the account.  The recent article that circulated locally about why someone pulled his kids out of club volleyball was interesting to say the least.  What he didn't describe was the social and interpersonal and spiritual gain that are available by leaving town and spending time with people who don't look like you, think like you or care about the same things.....and how some of those moments are rich teaching moments between parents and children that would not be available if all we ever did was live, work and play with our local circle of peers.  I'm going to discipline myself to say no more on that topic.  I was fearful to even bring it up but I'm just tired enough tonight to feel a bit courageous as well.   My kid...

 Love.   It's almost Valentine's Day so I am thinking a lot about love.   One thing love does, is it plans a date to go watch a broadway show on a tuesday night because it means he and I get to steal away for a few hours and just be us.  He had the idea.  I had the yes.  Tomorrow night we get to go do a fun thing together on a date and all the other moving parts can work around it.   Love does things like worrying about a young girl we love, making calls, saying prayers and hoping God will do what He can to rescue and redeem.   It does things like praying for families who are hurting, and helping when we can. Love wants adult children who are married or dating to grow in capacity to love bigger and better, to put the other first, to yield and to submit and to honor and to extravagantly bless one another....and love hopes that their significant other does the same for them.  Put God first, then put others, then put self....

 Last week I walked dogs in unexpectedly warm late winter afternoons.  I realized that when I don't walk regularly it matters.  This week I wanted to walk again but I am such a wimp and if it is cold or windy or rainy or all of those things put together, I don't want to walk outside.  I spend my work days in and out and in and out and cold and warm and cold and warm.....but today I needed to walk.  It was cold and windy and rainy.   I started my walking app that tells me when to walk slow, speed up, slow down, speed up and eventually cool down.  In my home office space in front of a cooking competition.  I looked ridiculous walking in place, dancing and prancing, moving foward and backward and working up a sweat but I got it done.  I sure did.   I got groceries because we were out of milk and I got food for "superbowl Sunday" which is not that different from any other Sunday evening.  My parents come over and we have snack...

 I picked the word Glory for 2024 and I'm so glad I did.  It may seem silly to settle on a word but for me, because I chose it, I am watching and listening and feeling for Glory all the time, wondering where God will choose to show me glory.   About 30 years ago, when Roger and I were first dating, I dreamed of one day living on water, by a lake maybe.  Because we live in northwest Iowa it was a "for later" dream but it never left.  It evolved into a desire to live by water and somewhere that I can see the sun rise and sun set.  Some people already live by water and have a view of sunrise and sunset but I do not.  Perhaps the longing for it makes the satisfaction sweeter when I get to witness an amazing sunrise (driving somewhere early in the morning) or sunset (also driving somewhere at dusk).....but perhaps it is also because where I live presently, my view is imperfect and blended with other things like trees.  Perhaps the glory can be fou...

 It's December 31.  Tomorrow starts a new year, new month, new week On A Monday!!!!!  Is this epic for anyone else?  The entire holiday season from the week before Christmas until now has been me wondering what day it is, where do we need to go and who will be around.....I am so dysregulated.  Tomorrow it all makes sense again.  Tomorrow is Monday and even though I won't start my work week until Tuesday, the Mondayness of Monday, January 1, 2024 is glorious to me.  Fresh starts, fresh dates, fresh awareness....except I will retire my 2023 word for the year and replace it with a new word that I am pretty excited about.  I quietly asked the Lord if He had a word for me for 2024....something to train my thoughts upon, a word to be my lighthouse when I find myself feeling lost, worried, defenseless.  I know He will never leave me or forsake me but this world is stinkin hard and sometimes it feels like I'm not sure what to do next.  If I have...

 On the 11th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 11 drummers drumming....representing the 11 disciples who went on to tell the world about Jesus.  Judas betrayed him and the other 11 went on to spread the gospel and share the salvation story...the first missionaries.  If it were not for these 11 drummers drumming I would not have known about Jesus.  I would not be saved and have my future secured in Heaven.   On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me 12 Lords a Leaping....it is said this represents the 12 points of the Apostles Creed.  I was required to memorize this creed in my church growing up....and later when I found myself lost and confused and broken and a long, long way from home, God used this creed to help me stay sane and not lose my mind.  I recited it over and over and I wrote it in journals and I repeated it on dark and scary nights.  The 12 Lords a Leaping likely saved my sanity as well as my soul.   ...

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 9 ladies dancing.   the dancing ladies mean the Fruit of the Spirit.  Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self-control.   When Holy Spirit dwells in you and me, we bear this fruit.....Matthew 12:33 says Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is  recognized by its fruit.   I want to be a good tree with good fruit.  I want to be known and recognized by this fruit.....If we look at the opposit of these 9 ladies dancing we see the following:  Hate, Sorrow, War, Impatience, Meanness, Evil, Fearful, Harshness and Indulgent.  Lord let us be repulsed and repelled from these things, and instead lean into the ladies dancing.  Let us work to grow and tend good trees, full of life and good fruit.   On the 10th day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 10 Lords a Leaping.....t...

 Whoa did I fall behind!   5 Golden Rings:  first 5 books of the bible, aka pentateuch 6 Geese a Laying:  God made the world in 6 days 7 Swans a Singing:  7 gifts of the Holy Spirit:  Prophesy, service, teaching, encouraging, giving, leadership and mercy 8 beatitudes:  poor in spirit, those who mourn, the meek, those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, the merciful, the pure in heart, the peacemakers, those who are persecuted because of righteousness.   The Pentateuch is the books of Moses, and theologians say this forms the foundations of the Bible.  Genesis, Exedus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deutoronomy.  As the world gets stranger and more muddy it may be important to know what's in these books.  Just sayin'. 6 Days of creation.....amazing.  mind-blowing.  significant. 7 gifts of the Holy Spirit:  if you want them, pray.  Ask God to gift you with them and then when He does, don't exuse or deny you ...

 On the fourth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 4 calling birds, 3 french hens, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pear tree......see now you are singing it too aren't you?! The 4 calling birds are said to represent the 4 gospels of the new testement.  Mathew, Mark, Luke and John.  All 4 gospels share mostly the same stories of Jesus birth, life, and death.  Each author shares their own perspective of the stories....because perspective matters.   Synonyms for perspective are the following:  angle, aspect, attitude, context, mindset, prospect, viewpoint.   What is my perspective with 10 days left until Christmas?  What angle will I take to approach the next 10 days?  What aspect of this advent season will I take with me into December 26 and ultimately into the next new year?  What is my attitude at home?  At work?  When I am faced with challenges and adversity?   If something makes me sad and frustr...

 According to my very scientific (google) search, the 3 French Hens represent the 3 theological virtues of Hope, Faith and Charity.  It resonates with me that these three are theological virtues because without God they are not possible long term.   Hope:  For me, hope means believing in the better way, believing change will come, believing that good exists and will prosper.  Hope is not giving up or giving in to dispair, but rather searching for the optimistic and ever-possible.  Without hope I could not follow the news, or show up for church every week, or stay in relationships with family and friends.  Hope is this sparkly, glittery thread that weaves in and out of the present into the future and back again to wrap around us and keep pulling us forward.  Romans 5:5 says this:   And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. yes and amen....

 On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me, 2 turtle doves and a partridge in a pair tree.  It is believed that the 2 turtle doves represent the old and new testement of the bible.  Doves represent truth and peace.   I don't have much to say about the Old and New Testament other than the old testament is pre-Jesus and the new is the rest of the story after he was born, lived, died and the church as we know it was born.  I like going to church.  I don't always agree with church order but church is like family to me....and you don't walk away from family.  I had a season as a young adult where I did walk away from church and from Jesus and it was the darkest and lonliest time of my life.  It was so miserable that when I decided to turn 180 degrees and walk back into faith and a relationship with Jesus it was for good and for forever.  I never want to feel that alone ever again.  I am never alone because I walk with Jesus ...

 On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me....a partridge in a pear tree.  Christian folk lore says that the partridge in a pear tree represents Jesus Christ, who died on a cross for us.  I read that a mother partridge will die to protect her young.  Jesus did this for you and for me.  It is right to start the 12 days of Christmas looking at Jesus.  It is His birthday we are making a fuss about after all.  I'm sure he enjoys his birthday celebrations.  I sure do!  I love to celebrate birthdays for people I cherish.  I want their day to make them feel special and loved and wanted and important. Jesus, how do celebrate your birthday?  How do we elevate you in our attention and focus, make you the most important person of the day?  How do we show you you are special and loved and wanted and important?  Show us this year, Lord Jesus.  Please show us and give us your wish list.   I learned today that ...

  These are my people.  My big kids gifted me for Mother's Day with a photo shoot organized and paid for.  It has always been hard for me to schedule family photos so this gift is extra special.  We did the photos late summer/early fall.  Our smiles do not reveal how hot or windy it was that day.  Yet and still we managed to get some really great pictures, thanks to our sweet and competent photographer...Cassie Beth.   Here is the thing.  This photo tells so many stories...so so many stories.  Each of the 9 of us could be a story, a novel on our own.  Then if you pair up any of the 9 with another, there are more stories to tell, and in groups of guys or girls still other stories to tell.  Looking at Roger and I....chapters and chapters of stories...and separate us out each of us is also a story.  Our lives are stories. I have told my kids over and over that their lives matter.  They were created by God to do something...

 Well we have made it to the end of October.  A beautiful month in a fabulous season comes to an end.  I was able to successfully avoid all of the demons and spooks and zombies.  It was a memorable month of fall colors and temperatures....crunchy leaves and huge sunsets...God showed up and He showed off.  He is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine.  In October: 1.  We did some remodelling that makes our home feel fresh and beautiful thanks to my sis Jen Sanbulte. 2.  Roger got the hot tub fixed after a year...and almost has the in ground pool closed. 3.  Extra Kredits have moved on to family placement. 4.  We had family photos taken for the first time in a long time and we got them back and I love them. 5.  I watched "The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown" twice.....the best and only redeeming part of Halloween for me.   6.  I discoverd Honey Nut squash at Costco....seriously a fall game-changer. 7....

 In case you are checking back in....the transition went so well Friday.  If you prayed then thank you.  It was kind of a crazy deal....because that's how things often happen here.  I had taken a couple car loads of the xK stuff to the relatives already and had some things on the table yet.  xK kids never came home from school.  For some reason the bus dropped them off at their new home!  I got a text that they were there...and we had a mad scramble for random other reasons ( a mom and baby needed a ride to the clinic so I was out driving around trying to find them because she wasn't sure of her house number...and there was a language barrier....and some guy with a flat tire who wouldn't pull over that was slowing down traffic).  Kids stopped by and grabbed a few things and took off again with their family and I never did say good-bye.  I took a few more loads of their stuff to their new home in the dark and quietly left them in the back....t...

 Tonight is our last night with our extra kredit kiddos.  Tomorrow they transition out of foster care placement and they will live with family.  This is a good, good thing!  They are loved and wanted and will be well cared-for.  But they don't know that.  They are just 5 and 7 years old and they have been here in our home with us for 8 months.  8 months is a lifetime for a 5 year old.  My heart is heavy tonight for them because they just do not know what they cannot know.....that even though everything changes tomorrow, it will be ok.  It will all be ok.  They will be safe and loved and delighted in and treated with respect and goodness.....tonight I had to tell little miss that I promised they would be ok....that I would not let them go if I didn't think it would be ok (nevermind I have no actual power in any of this but its ok if she thinks that I do).   Foster care is a strange and shifty beast.....the first night with a new...