Holy Week Day 2. Monday.

 I didn't sleep well last night.  The "mid-life change" is brutal....hot flashes at night, leg cramps, restlessness....and it goes on and on and on and it is my season for this brutal suffering.  I knew I had a crazy busy week because I am trying to cram all of my work into 3 days so that we can enjoy a few days away later this week as a family.  I carefully planned my responsibilities for the 3 days I had to work with kids in school.  

We started off well this morning with waking kids up on time, getting everyone up and dressed.  Precious needed to study for a quiz....Roger was already on a work call at 7am.  I pulled the cereal bag out of the cereal box and it exploded and fruit loops spewed everywhere...yes, fruit loops.  Don't judge.  I was picking up froot loops and barking orders at the kids to find shoes and coats, like we do on Mondays.  I packed a lunch and snacks for aftercare times 2 kids....and Precious wanted orange juice.  I pulled it out of the fridge and shook it because I bought the cheap one and all the good stuff settles to the bottom.  Whoever drank from it last didn't screw on the lid so I proceeded to drench myself in sticky orange juice in the middle of the kitchen....and I mean....drench.  It covered me and my floor, my counter, my phone, and everything within a 5 foot radius.....Roger got off his work call and took over so that I could shower because there was literally nowhere else for me to go dripping in that much sticky orange juice.

The day didn't get much better....my online training for child and dependent adult abuse reporting was full of glitches and problems and was time-sensitive and stressful and took me all freaking day.....and I took Precious to an ortho for her braces and they ran late which always makes me so mad because I am very time-oriented and punctual....and she mentioned off-handedly that there is no school wednesday.  just monday and tuesday.  Are you freaking kidding me?  2 work days?  not 3?  I had hoped and planned to walk the dog because it was a warm day and do a pilates workout and neither happened and that made me mad, too.

What I wanted and what I pictured for Holy Week was Holiness, reverence, awe, worship, contemplative and centered prayer and a chance to really focus on the Cross.  What I got was a hot mess, a short fuse, the demands of running a home and raising children....and the truth of the Cross.  The Cross is for all that I didn't accomplish, the ways I failed, the glaring truth of how less than I am.  The truth is that in all of the yuck and frustration and disappointment stands that Cross to remind me that He journeyed there....

For me.  For today.  For you.  For tomorrow.  He knew I would suck at today.  He knew that no matter how much I know and try and want to do better and lean in more, there will be seasons where it just ends up being orange juice dripping off of my glasses in pajamas at 7am....and he went there anyway, to that Cross.  I won't ever have a day worthy.  I will try because to try means to know Him more, and to honor Him with my life.  I will try again tomorrow, even.  

Holy Week.  The only part that is Holy is Jesus.  He did it.  He did it all.  He is greater when I become less.....and making Him greater is all that really matters.