Casting the net wide to catch the good fish....

One of our children was giving us a bugger of a time recently.  We were at an impass as to how to handle the behavior, the attitude, the implications of it all.  We were unhappy and, quite frankly, a bit scared.  It's scary when a kid chooses defiance and to exert his or her own free will.....It's mostly scary for me because I am not wired to be a hard core punisher.  We are not strict here.  We just are not.  For lots of reasons.  We wrestled with how to handle this situation separately and as a mom and dad.  We talked, we paused, we wondered, we agreed, we disagreed......parenting is just the hardest thing ever. 

Our need for approval and acceptance and admiration causes us to strive to raise children who are successful and productive in the world.  Raising such children would make us feel like we did a good job.  If we raise children who are successful and productive in the world we feel that we deserve an award for churning something useful out, right? 

Well.

Children are not cars moving through an assembly line at a factory.  There is not an inspector waiting at the end of the conveyor belt separating them into useful or defective.  All human beings are useful, relevant, successful and productive, worthy of love, deserving of forgiveness and grace and a multitude of second chances.  That is sanctity of human life.  All of it.  Every life is worthy of every blessing and every good thing that the Lord provides to them.  Also.....we are all defective and flawed and falling down and getting up and trying again and again.  That's life.

I spent significant time in prayer before we decided to address our concerns to this child.  I allowed God's Holy Spirit to comfort me in my tears, to speak to my heart, and to pour wisdom into me before we had a conversation with this child.  When we were ready, we did talk.  Here is the jist of it.

We do not expect perfection.  Ever.  We are not perfect and don't assume anyone else is either....but what we do know is that each of us is created by God to do things in the world that will glorify Him and advance His kingdom.  He gives us things to do every single day that help hurting people and bless others and fight against the darkness that is always trying to steal hope and health and joy and goodness.  We want our kids to stay on the path that God himself has set before them and if it seems that they are wandering off a bit, it is our job to help them back onto that path.  Not my path.  Definitely not the path of the world.....but for whatever purpose each of us was created.

I chose to leave that path as a younger person and it was not a good choice.  I hope my kids don't think they need to test the plan like I did.  God's plan is good.  It is so so good.  The world's plan is not. 

I gave this child 3 virtues that matter to me and that will help keep the path lit up well.....and I think I'm just going to highlight them each day for myself and for whomever I can share with (including blog readers). 

Be grateful.  Act grateful.  Show gratitude in how you speak and act and think.

Don't be selfish.  Put others before yourself.  Put others needs and wants before whatever it is you think should be yours.  Practice selflessness.  Avoid selfish choices especially when they cause other pain.

Be respectful.  Respect yourself, your things, your freedoms, your gifts.  Offer respect to authority and to those not in authority over you.  Respect always works. 

So that's it for now.  Thanks for affording me a platform to write and reflect because tomorrow when all the yuck starts to cave in on me again I should have something like this to read and use to dig myself out of the mire once again.