feelings as butterflies
I have needed a way to help our little kids process their emotions. What usually happens, is that the day is full of events and activities that stir emotions in them, but they don't have the ability or invitation to respond. Whatever emotion they felt at the moment gets stuffed down somewhere....and then at the end of the day, when everyone is tired......all the emotions start to bubble up. By then, the emotions no longer connect to the events and activities that caused them.
For my kids, and for me......this is how anxiety happens. Events cause feelings that cannot be felt or named or validated in the moment.....and then later they come back up in a powerful way. The later way feels like a panic attack, or a stomach ache, or a headache.....or a bad dream.....or tears that don't make any sense.
Yesterday I asked Precious if she wanted to go talk to someone about her feelings and her emotions, to learn how to talk about them. She said yes. I asked her if she and I could try first....because scheduling therapy appointments is hard work....she said ok.
Today when I was driving with her in the car, I asked her to tell me about one situation today that happened and how she felt about it. She struggled. I gave her some options. When did you feel.....excited? Nervous? Sad? Happy? Anxious?......she could not give me an example. I said, "well, Precious. Picture a cage full of butterflies. The butterflies are your feelings about things. Can you let just one butterfly out of the cage? Just give me one thing you felt today and why you felt it and let that one butterfly go....." She proceeded to tell me that she saw some kids bullying another child at school and she went up to them and said "STOP!" and then she went and told the teacher. I said, "wow, Precious....you felt brave. Brave is a way to feel.....and you also protected another child. wow." she let a big butterfly go....and I praised her for it.
I did the same thing with Josiah, who is only 5....and he didn't struggle at all. He gave me about 3 different "butterflies" back to back, explaining what happened, how he felt and what he did about it. This kid is pretty in tune with his feelings. He also sleeps well at night.
I think I can benefit from this visual aid as well. At the end of most days, I feel like I have a cage-ful of butterflies in my stomach. I need to start to feel what I feel in the moment and not just stuff it down somewhere for later. I need to take the time to connect what happened with how I feel.....to be in the moment and be fully present......for as long as it takes......because sometimes it takes awhile for the butterflies to find their way out of the cage and fly off.
Anxiety might be a cage full of butterflies sometimes......
For my kids, and for me......this is how anxiety happens. Events cause feelings that cannot be felt or named or validated in the moment.....and then later they come back up in a powerful way. The later way feels like a panic attack, or a stomach ache, or a headache.....or a bad dream.....or tears that don't make any sense.
Yesterday I asked Precious if she wanted to go talk to someone about her feelings and her emotions, to learn how to talk about them. She said yes. I asked her if she and I could try first....because scheduling therapy appointments is hard work....she said ok.
Today when I was driving with her in the car, I asked her to tell me about one situation today that happened and how she felt about it. She struggled. I gave her some options. When did you feel.....excited? Nervous? Sad? Happy? Anxious?......she could not give me an example. I said, "well, Precious. Picture a cage full of butterflies. The butterflies are your feelings about things. Can you let just one butterfly out of the cage? Just give me one thing you felt today and why you felt it and let that one butterfly go....." She proceeded to tell me that she saw some kids bullying another child at school and she went up to them and said "STOP!" and then she went and told the teacher. I said, "wow, Precious....you felt brave. Brave is a way to feel.....and you also protected another child. wow." she let a big butterfly go....and I praised her for it.
I did the same thing with Josiah, who is only 5....and he didn't struggle at all. He gave me about 3 different "butterflies" back to back, explaining what happened, how he felt and what he did about it. This kid is pretty in tune with his feelings. He also sleeps well at night.
I think I can benefit from this visual aid as well. At the end of most days, I feel like I have a cage-ful of butterflies in my stomach. I need to start to feel what I feel in the moment and not just stuff it down somewhere for later. I need to take the time to connect what happened with how I feel.....to be in the moment and be fully present......for as long as it takes......because sometimes it takes awhile for the butterflies to find their way out of the cage and fly off.
Anxiety might be a cage full of butterflies sometimes......
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