a good-bye letter
32 years and a few days ago, my uncle Todd had a car accident. It was just days after his wedding and my last memory, before the accident, was dancing with him at his wedding. I was one of the bridesmaids, just 17 years old....and though he was "uncle" he was more like big brother, just 5 years older than me. In the accident, he was thrown from his car and paralyzed from the neck down. He has spent 32 years in a wheelchair.
This week, he has been planning a trip. It is a very important trip. It is his trip.....home. To Jesus. The paralysis first took his legs and years later, his arms, then his ability to eat and later, to breathe without a ventilator and trach. In spite of every loss, his love for life and for relationships was strong. He wanted to live and to enjoy the sunshine, and his wife, and their life together......until recently when it became clear that he wasn't really living anymore but mostly dying. His lungs cannot keep the fluid out anymore. His immune system cannot fight infections anymore....and his body is resistant to antibiotics......
We went to see him today in the hospital. He was calling friends and taking calls and letting them know that he is going home sooner than later. I heard him say more than once, "we are Christians, we will see each other again".......because Heaven is coming and death will be his way there. He is planning his trip......looking forward to streets of gold, walking and running and singing and dancing in his new body that Christ himself has waiting for him. He wants to see his mom and his dad who are there before him, and his friend who died earlier this year......and he mostly just wants to be done with hospitals and being bed-ridden. He wants to go Home to Jesus. I said, "you can ride horse there" and he said, " I don't think there will be animals". I said, "you can eat again" and he said, "I don't think there will be hunger"......I shrugged my shoulders and wiped my tears and he said, " I just want to be there praising Jesus"........and he didn't cry. He was mostly smiling. He cannot wait.
I am crying tonight, because it is getting harder for him to breathe and they are starting to give him more medicine more often to keep him comfortable....and his only fear was that he would not be able to catch his breath and feel like he was drowning......and so I am crying because I want the mercy of God to fall on him now. I want him to not struggle to catch his breath. I want the breath of Heaven to come down and breathe Life into him.....life everlasting.
Uncle Todd is more than just my uncle. He has validated me, supported me, loved me, and forgiven me when very few men were willing to take the job. He has been more like my brother.....and I am overwhelmed by all the memories I share with him. We have done a lot of life together here on Earth. I know that the Father is preparing his place in Heaven and I am so grateful that it seems to be almost ready. I told him tonight when we left that if he started to go before I could come back, to just go and keep going and I would see him on the other side eventually.
It seems like that is happening.....and that is ok. He has planned his trip and packed his bags....and he knows the way to go. We, who know Jesus, will get there too, eventually. Until then.....safe travels, Uncle. I love you......
This week, he has been planning a trip. It is a very important trip. It is his trip.....home. To Jesus. The paralysis first took his legs and years later, his arms, then his ability to eat and later, to breathe without a ventilator and trach. In spite of every loss, his love for life and for relationships was strong. He wanted to live and to enjoy the sunshine, and his wife, and their life together......until recently when it became clear that he wasn't really living anymore but mostly dying. His lungs cannot keep the fluid out anymore. His immune system cannot fight infections anymore....and his body is resistant to antibiotics......
We went to see him today in the hospital. He was calling friends and taking calls and letting them know that he is going home sooner than later. I heard him say more than once, "we are Christians, we will see each other again".......because Heaven is coming and death will be his way there. He is planning his trip......looking forward to streets of gold, walking and running and singing and dancing in his new body that Christ himself has waiting for him. He wants to see his mom and his dad who are there before him, and his friend who died earlier this year......and he mostly just wants to be done with hospitals and being bed-ridden. He wants to go Home to Jesus. I said, "you can ride horse there" and he said, " I don't think there will be animals". I said, "you can eat again" and he said, "I don't think there will be hunger"......I shrugged my shoulders and wiped my tears and he said, " I just want to be there praising Jesus"........and he didn't cry. He was mostly smiling. He cannot wait.
I am crying tonight, because it is getting harder for him to breathe and they are starting to give him more medicine more often to keep him comfortable....and his only fear was that he would not be able to catch his breath and feel like he was drowning......and so I am crying because I want the mercy of God to fall on him now. I want him to not struggle to catch his breath. I want the breath of Heaven to come down and breathe Life into him.....life everlasting.
Uncle Todd is more than just my uncle. He has validated me, supported me, loved me, and forgiven me when very few men were willing to take the job. He has been more like my brother.....and I am overwhelmed by all the memories I share with him. We have done a lot of life together here on Earth. I know that the Father is preparing his place in Heaven and I am so grateful that it seems to be almost ready. I told him tonight when we left that if he started to go before I could come back, to just go and keep going and I would see him on the other side eventually.
It seems like that is happening.....and that is ok. He has planned his trip and packed his bags....and he knows the way to go. We, who know Jesus, will get there too, eventually. Until then.....safe travels, Uncle. I love you......
Such a beautiful tribute to Todd. My husband graduated with him, but moved in as an outsider in his junior year, so he didn't know him real well. Praying as you said, for the breath of heaven to come down and lead him to his eternal home! Oh what hoy that will be! Todd has endured enough of this life. Faithful and committed to the end. What a BEAUTIFUL testament of God's unfailing Love! REST IN PEACE TODD!
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