how do you fold towels? and a day of some grief, remembering...
Today is a special and sad day for me. February 20, 2018 marks the fourth year anniversary of the death of Josiah's birth mom. Her death was a tragic thing and not easy to think about or remember. It wasn't part of the plan. She and I had hard, tearful conversations about raising Josiah. The plan was that we would raise him for her, and we would try to make sure she knew about all the important things, and that he would know her and know that she loved him. When he was an adult, the plan was to make sure that he knew her well enough that he could call her and invite her out to lunch on her birthday, or meet for coffee just because......the plan was that we would just help him grow up and then once he was living the life he was created for, he could also have her as well as us. That was the plan. Instead, she died as a young woman and it makes me sad.
Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is also a very hard thing. We talk about her to him and show him pictures of her, keep him connected to birth relatives. I try to remember funny things she said or did in the year or so I knew her. I tell him that he talks non-stop because his Heidi-mama did too. He has so many of her mannerisms, so much of her personality. She would love to know that. She would love to know how incredibly smart he is. He uses big words like "I need to get situated in my bed, mom". He sings songs all day long and has really good pitch. When I ask him what he wants to be when he grows up, he says he wants to be a police officer with his friend Rowan, and also to work at Culvers like his brother Isaac. Josiah is afraid of being alone. If he can't see me or hear me he is calling for me, wondering where I am in relationship to where he is. He is a worrier. He gets anxious sometimes and needs reassurance that everything is ok. He loves his dad and his sisters and brothers. (and me ) He is a very happy child. He is such a joy. If she was still here with us I would tell her all of that.
Lately I have been thinking about how I fold towels. I do about 5 loads of laundry every 3-4 days. Many of them are towels. As I fold them I think about how some people feel very strongly about how their towels are folded. They must be a certain way and the stacks must look a certain way on the shelf. I smile when I fold my towels because I don't fold them the same way ever. Sometimes they are in quarters and sometimes in thirds.....and I don't color coordinate except to put all white towels in the boys bathroom downstairs. I just fold the dumb towels. And move on.
We also don't sit in the same spot in church every week. I don't make the same meal every Christmas. We don't take the same vacation twice very often. We have not built very many predictable traditions into our family life. Maybe we should have. Or maybe......if we relied on those predictable and controllable subtle things, we would be less likely to do whatever it is we do. Like remember a sad anniversary of losing someone special.....in a quiet way. Or have a day like today...
Today I took care of a newborn so that his mama could go back to work. He was coughing and not feeling well so I did less of my typical day, less of my productive day and more holding and snuggling and rocking and singing. I hadn't used my baby voice for awhile. The big kids had a late start this morning for snow and they got a kick out of watching their old mom talking baby talk and coaxing smiles from him. I tried to explain that it is called "procity of voice" and very important scientifically. It builds neural connections in the brain and stimulates brain development and releases endorphins.....and its just fun! I was not very productive today and I really should have been......but what I did mattered in other ways. I also folded laundry. Today the towels went in quarters. Not that it matters.
Adoption is a beautiful thing. It is also a very hard thing. We talk about her to him and show him pictures of her, keep him connected to birth relatives. I try to remember funny things she said or did in the year or so I knew her. I tell him that he talks non-stop because his Heidi-mama did too. He has so many of her mannerisms, so much of her personality. She would love to know that. She would love to know how incredibly smart he is. He uses big words like "I need to get situated in my bed, mom". He sings songs all day long and has really good pitch. When I ask him what he wants to be when he grows up, he says he wants to be a police officer with his friend Rowan, and also to work at Culvers like his brother Isaac. Josiah is afraid of being alone. If he can't see me or hear me he is calling for me, wondering where I am in relationship to where he is. He is a worrier. He gets anxious sometimes and needs reassurance that everything is ok. He loves his dad and his sisters and brothers. (and me ) He is a very happy child. He is such a joy. If she was still here with us I would tell her all of that.
Lately I have been thinking about how I fold towels. I do about 5 loads of laundry every 3-4 days. Many of them are towels. As I fold them I think about how some people feel very strongly about how their towels are folded. They must be a certain way and the stacks must look a certain way on the shelf. I smile when I fold my towels because I don't fold them the same way ever. Sometimes they are in quarters and sometimes in thirds.....and I don't color coordinate except to put all white towels in the boys bathroom downstairs. I just fold the dumb towels. And move on.
We also don't sit in the same spot in church every week. I don't make the same meal every Christmas. We don't take the same vacation twice very often. We have not built very many predictable traditions into our family life. Maybe we should have. Or maybe......if we relied on those predictable and controllable subtle things, we would be less likely to do whatever it is we do. Like remember a sad anniversary of losing someone special.....in a quiet way. Or have a day like today...
Today I took care of a newborn so that his mama could go back to work. He was coughing and not feeling well so I did less of my typical day, less of my productive day and more holding and snuggling and rocking and singing. I hadn't used my baby voice for awhile. The big kids had a late start this morning for snow and they got a kick out of watching their old mom talking baby talk and coaxing smiles from him. I tried to explain that it is called "procity of voice" and very important scientifically. It builds neural connections in the brain and stimulates brain development and releases endorphins.....and its just fun! I was not very productive today and I really should have been......but what I did mattered in other ways. I also folded laundry. Today the towels went in quarters. Not that it matters.
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