if blogs happened at the table
If I were sitting across my dining room table from you tonight, I would likely make eye contact with you, fold my hands in front of me, take a deep breath and smile. We would start to talk together and we might share a cup of tea or a glass of wine. I would ask you how you were and I would expect to be allowed to talk through how I am. In a relationship, we would get to a place where we both felt like we were seen and heard and we would feel better. I really hope that this little blog can do some of that for me. I don't have the time or emotional reservoir to have all of the conversations I want to have......so I am hoping and asking God to make this a vessel for that.
Twice in two days a small little child called me Grandma. It is a legit label. I will be 50 in 3 months. I could be a grandma if timing was different. I married later and had kids later but if I had married earlier and had kids earlier, I would have been Grandma. My mom was grandma at my age. I am not offended when a two-year old looks at me and says "grandma". Lord willing, it will be my name someday! That said, if littles in this community are gonna call me grandma, I am going to draw on my experience with children. I am going to share things I am learning about kids. Especially kids who struggle....and their parents who struggle too.
In our friendship talk at my table, this is a point where we may have some tears. I go get a box of Kleenex and maybe a bowl of peanuts. Now we are really gonna start to talk.
This week, Precious came home from school 30 minutes before the day was done. She had been in the nurses' office 3 times in an hour. First time was because she had coughed up snot until she threw up in the bathroom. Second time she wasn't feeling good....third time....she just wanted to come home. The school nurse had called and asked me what I wanted to do. the first time I told Precious to blow her nose good and drink some cold water and go back to class. the second time the nurse handled it. the third time I said I should just come get her because she was beyond coping strategies. Precious is in second grade. School is hard. double digit math, hard memory verses, reading out loud and timed reading.....and the friendships and girl drama are stressful. She is 8 years old and entering the tweener drama (Lord help us all). Precious takes medicine for ADHD and her dose increased recently to help her get through the full school day. She also struggles with significant anxiety. When her ADHD dose is higher, so is her anxiety. Precious also has huge issues with food. I had to be a detective mama this week and consider the whole picture for her. She wasn't legitimately coming home sick. She was coming home because she had unmet needs. These unmet needs were interfering with her ability to do her day. When my child cannot do her day, I need to help her.
I didn't want to help her adjust her day. I wanted her to cowboy up and get through it. I have had influenza in a bad way the last 2 weeks. I am tired, worn out, struggling to catch up with work and household stuff.....and I really just needed my 8 year old to not be so needy right now. Too bad. She is needy. She has always been needy and will likely always be needy. I asked her yesterday if there was a chance that she came home because her tummy was hungry and that being hungry made her tummy hurt and maybe caused her to feel nervous. She said yes. Today I sent her to school with more food, not just in her lunch sack but also for recess and emailed her teacher and asked if she could have recess snacks. I also sent a roller ball of essential oils for focus and told Precious to put it on during the day. I will make her a new one for anxiety this weekend. I hope to order her a bracelet that we can put the oils on so that she can wear it during the day. I think it will help.
She was leaving school every week at least one time, complaining of being sick. Sickness is rampant right now so it could have been that. It could also be other things, like feeling nervous because you didn't get satisfied at lunch and it would be hours before you came home to have a snack. It could be feeling anxious because your brain is calm enough to consider all the other things that could go wrong.......it could be starting puberty with all the hormones and thoughts and body changes that go with that. ( Precious is starting to wear bras more often than not.)
Here is my point. Kids need us. They need us as babies, toddlers and as they grow up. Sometimes the things that make us the most crazy are the things we need to work on harder. Precious has always been hard. Always. She is also an amazing human being full of deep feelings and fierce love. When she dances, she is feeling it with all her heart. When she is hurting she feels it just as much. She deserves my first and best attention to her needs. All of my kids deserve that. Hopefully we can make some small adjustments that will have big impacts on her feelings, her ability to self-regulate and her success at school. That is the plan. If not, I will continue to be an investigator and keep asking questions to make things better.
Someday, when I am Grandma, I can just have the little ones over and we can read books and rock-a-bye. We can make cookies and do crafts. They will give me hugs and tell me they love me and when they leave I can sit in my chair and think of them and smile blessings into their lives......but until then, I'm still mostly mom. I need to make sack lunches, drive kids to activities, help make college plans, do laundry, check homework, email teachers.........
In our talk at my kitchen table, where all good conversations happen, I would make sure you had a chance to share your latest a-ha moments and epiphanies. We would learn from each other. We would compare notes and strategies and we would resolve to always support each other's kids. We would also praise each other and say something like this, "hang in there mama. you are doing a great job. raising kids is so hard. I'm grateful for you!"
yep.
Twice in two days a small little child called me Grandma. It is a legit label. I will be 50 in 3 months. I could be a grandma if timing was different. I married later and had kids later but if I had married earlier and had kids earlier, I would have been Grandma. My mom was grandma at my age. I am not offended when a two-year old looks at me and says "grandma". Lord willing, it will be my name someday! That said, if littles in this community are gonna call me grandma, I am going to draw on my experience with children. I am going to share things I am learning about kids. Especially kids who struggle....and their parents who struggle too.
In our friendship talk at my table, this is a point where we may have some tears. I go get a box of Kleenex and maybe a bowl of peanuts. Now we are really gonna start to talk.
This week, Precious came home from school 30 minutes before the day was done. She had been in the nurses' office 3 times in an hour. First time was because she had coughed up snot until she threw up in the bathroom. Second time she wasn't feeling good....third time....she just wanted to come home. The school nurse had called and asked me what I wanted to do. the first time I told Precious to blow her nose good and drink some cold water and go back to class. the second time the nurse handled it. the third time I said I should just come get her because she was beyond coping strategies. Precious is in second grade. School is hard. double digit math, hard memory verses, reading out loud and timed reading.....and the friendships and girl drama are stressful. She is 8 years old and entering the tweener drama (Lord help us all). Precious takes medicine for ADHD and her dose increased recently to help her get through the full school day. She also struggles with significant anxiety. When her ADHD dose is higher, so is her anxiety. Precious also has huge issues with food. I had to be a detective mama this week and consider the whole picture for her. She wasn't legitimately coming home sick. She was coming home because she had unmet needs. These unmet needs were interfering with her ability to do her day. When my child cannot do her day, I need to help her.
I didn't want to help her adjust her day. I wanted her to cowboy up and get through it. I have had influenza in a bad way the last 2 weeks. I am tired, worn out, struggling to catch up with work and household stuff.....and I really just needed my 8 year old to not be so needy right now. Too bad. She is needy. She has always been needy and will likely always be needy. I asked her yesterday if there was a chance that she came home because her tummy was hungry and that being hungry made her tummy hurt and maybe caused her to feel nervous. She said yes. Today I sent her to school with more food, not just in her lunch sack but also for recess and emailed her teacher and asked if she could have recess snacks. I also sent a roller ball of essential oils for focus and told Precious to put it on during the day. I will make her a new one for anxiety this weekend. I hope to order her a bracelet that we can put the oils on so that she can wear it during the day. I think it will help.
She was leaving school every week at least one time, complaining of being sick. Sickness is rampant right now so it could have been that. It could also be other things, like feeling nervous because you didn't get satisfied at lunch and it would be hours before you came home to have a snack. It could be feeling anxious because your brain is calm enough to consider all the other things that could go wrong.......it could be starting puberty with all the hormones and thoughts and body changes that go with that. ( Precious is starting to wear bras more often than not.)
Here is my point. Kids need us. They need us as babies, toddlers and as they grow up. Sometimes the things that make us the most crazy are the things we need to work on harder. Precious has always been hard. Always. She is also an amazing human being full of deep feelings and fierce love. When she dances, she is feeling it with all her heart. When she is hurting she feels it just as much. She deserves my first and best attention to her needs. All of my kids deserve that. Hopefully we can make some small adjustments that will have big impacts on her feelings, her ability to self-regulate and her success at school. That is the plan. If not, I will continue to be an investigator and keep asking questions to make things better.
Someday, when I am Grandma, I can just have the little ones over and we can read books and rock-a-bye. We can make cookies and do crafts. They will give me hugs and tell me they love me and when they leave I can sit in my chair and think of them and smile blessings into their lives......but until then, I'm still mostly mom. I need to make sack lunches, drive kids to activities, help make college plans, do laundry, check homework, email teachers.........
In our talk at my kitchen table, where all good conversations happen, I would make sure you had a chance to share your latest a-ha moments and epiphanies. We would learn from each other. We would compare notes and strategies and we would resolve to always support each other's kids. We would also praise each other and say something like this, "hang in there mama. you are doing a great job. raising kids is so hard. I'm grateful for you!"
yep.
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