Mental Health Day
Today I had that day I sometimes write about. It was mental health day for me....and so long coming. I didn't get a whole week, like I wanted, but I got one really good day and for now, it is enough. I will keep trying for the full week.
After I got everyone up, dressed, fed, reviewed/edited/encouraged.....I came back home and did a quick pick up, well, it was an hour but whatever. I made comfort food breakfast: peanut butter and honey on toast, and good coffee. I grabbed my bible and left the house. I shopped at our itty bitty farmers market, which is only going to offer fresh and organic produce for a few more weeks, and got a huge bag of fresh veggies. That, to me, is mental health. I feel wellness when I buy local, fresh vegetables, when I check out books at the library, when I wave at my neighbors.....mental health looks lots of different ways.
I drove out of town to a nearby nature park because I felt like God had a story for me and maybe even a word of knowledge that I needed. I have felt really off-kilter spiritually and I knew I needed time away with Him to find my balance again. In the way that He leads me, He highlighted the story of the prophet Hosea, and his unfaithful wife, Gomer. If you know the story, you know that she is repeatedly unfaithful and God commands Hosea to continue to forgive her and take her back and love her in spite of her weakness and failure as his wife.....
In my quiet time, out in nature's beauty and quiet, the Lord showed me that I have been led by fear rather than faith. My willingness to listen to fear became my unfaithfulness to Him. I was like Gomer and He was my Hosea, coming back to me again and again to bring me back.......because He loves me. He is right. Fear of what people think, fear of being unsuccessful with money and prestige....feeling constantly broken and stressed financially, afraid of the future of more of the same because we just refuse to compromise on the things we feel called to, like Christian Ed, caring for the hurting and lost and alone, adoption, support.....things that don't make money. (Don't judge me here. This is my epiphany, not yours. and any negative comments will be deleted.)
Once I had agreed that my posture of fear was leading me, I could face that and pray for strength and faith and provision and peace in Jesus mighty name......and then He showed me that I had not been fixing my eyes on Him, the Author and Perfecter of my Faith....and He was also right there. I had lost my focus....for several reasons, I think. One reason was the rough path it took us to adopt Josiah, and so many hard things that have become our truth and life since then....and I was feeling scared to be a "yes" to God's call. I had parked myself on the beach of life and was clinging to the shore, afraid to go out in the water again.....because it is just so uncertain out there.....and God showed me a picture of me clinging to things on the shore when He created me for the deep, deep waters. I was not where I belong in Him......I belong in the deep waters of life. I forgot that He makes me strong enough to swim there, and to fight against all that crashes into me out there in the waves. I forgot that I am stronger in deep water than I am on the shore. He showed me today.
And then, God, because He is just so, so good......He showed me how much He will provide for me, for us......when I trust Him, when I am faithful......when I am brave enough to go back out into the deep, deep waters where my work is done.....and He reminded me that He is always, always, always in the deep water with me.
I was so sure of it that I could text my husband and tell Him that we would be ok. We need to say a firm "no" to fear, and step out in faithfulness to the God who guides us and gives us our reason to live.....and there was no promise that it would all be ok with money, with status, with whatever....but there was an unerring assurance that we would be ok.
I came home and made a skillet of fresh local veggies for my lunch. I took my dog for a 3 1/2 mile walk and I praised the Lord and I sang and I worshiped and I prayed. When I got home I worked in the back yard a bit and then watched last night's episode of The Voice before I went to gather up kids and do the afternoon mom gig. It was such a good day.
I have a better sense, tonight, of who I am and of who God is. I think mental health day was successful today.
After I got everyone up, dressed, fed, reviewed/edited/encouraged.....I came back home and did a quick pick up, well, it was an hour but whatever. I made comfort food breakfast: peanut butter and honey on toast, and good coffee. I grabbed my bible and left the house. I shopped at our itty bitty farmers market, which is only going to offer fresh and organic produce for a few more weeks, and got a huge bag of fresh veggies. That, to me, is mental health. I feel wellness when I buy local, fresh vegetables, when I check out books at the library, when I wave at my neighbors.....mental health looks lots of different ways.
I drove out of town to a nearby nature park because I felt like God had a story for me and maybe even a word of knowledge that I needed. I have felt really off-kilter spiritually and I knew I needed time away with Him to find my balance again. In the way that He leads me, He highlighted the story of the prophet Hosea, and his unfaithful wife, Gomer. If you know the story, you know that she is repeatedly unfaithful and God commands Hosea to continue to forgive her and take her back and love her in spite of her weakness and failure as his wife.....
In my quiet time, out in nature's beauty and quiet, the Lord showed me that I have been led by fear rather than faith. My willingness to listen to fear became my unfaithfulness to Him. I was like Gomer and He was my Hosea, coming back to me again and again to bring me back.......because He loves me. He is right. Fear of what people think, fear of being unsuccessful with money and prestige....feeling constantly broken and stressed financially, afraid of the future of more of the same because we just refuse to compromise on the things we feel called to, like Christian Ed, caring for the hurting and lost and alone, adoption, support.....things that don't make money. (Don't judge me here. This is my epiphany, not yours. and any negative comments will be deleted.)
Once I had agreed that my posture of fear was leading me, I could face that and pray for strength and faith and provision and peace in Jesus mighty name......and then He showed me that I had not been fixing my eyes on Him, the Author and Perfecter of my Faith....and He was also right there. I had lost my focus....for several reasons, I think. One reason was the rough path it took us to adopt Josiah, and so many hard things that have become our truth and life since then....and I was feeling scared to be a "yes" to God's call. I had parked myself on the beach of life and was clinging to the shore, afraid to go out in the water again.....because it is just so uncertain out there.....and God showed me a picture of me clinging to things on the shore when He created me for the deep, deep waters. I was not where I belong in Him......I belong in the deep waters of life. I forgot that He makes me strong enough to swim there, and to fight against all that crashes into me out there in the waves. I forgot that I am stronger in deep water than I am on the shore. He showed me today.
And then, God, because He is just so, so good......He showed me how much He will provide for me, for us......when I trust Him, when I am faithful......when I am brave enough to go back out into the deep, deep waters where my work is done.....and He reminded me that He is always, always, always in the deep water with me.
I was so sure of it that I could text my husband and tell Him that we would be ok. We need to say a firm "no" to fear, and step out in faithfulness to the God who guides us and gives us our reason to live.....and there was no promise that it would all be ok with money, with status, with whatever....but there was an unerring assurance that we would be ok.
I came home and made a skillet of fresh local veggies for my lunch. I took my dog for a 3 1/2 mile walk and I praised the Lord and I sang and I worshiped and I prayed. When I got home I worked in the back yard a bit and then watched last night's episode of The Voice before I went to gather up kids and do the afternoon mom gig. It was such a good day.
I have a better sense, tonight, of who I am and of who God is. I think mental health day was successful today.
Complete success!!!
ReplyDeleteLove your heart.....thanks for sharing it <3