a mid-summer pause

It is mid-July.  Summer break is officially half over for my tribe.  This is a good place to pause and reflect, be mindful and present, and look ahead.

Early summer yielded strawberries.  We made some into jam and froze some whole so that this winter, when everything is frozen and cold and dark, we can open a ziploc bag and smell June again in our frozen perfectly ripened berries.  Early summer also offered Memorial Day holiday spent at home as a family, and July 4 spent in South Dakota with more family.....and lots of hours logged watching baseball.  Claire went to Haiti.  We worked in the backyard a lot because that is our play place.  (We won't mention the tree falling on the fence again.  I think we covered that.)

Mid-summer yielded a good week at day camp for Precious.  In her daily journal TAWG (Time away with God) she drew pictures and wrote about Todd dying, and Cyndi living without him.....Jeremiah switched out his baseball glove for his golf clubs and is hitting the links every chance he can.  He got to go boating this past weekend and had a blast with a friend.  He texted me at night when he couldn't sleep and we found some bible passages he could read to help him sleep at about midnight Friday night.  (Parenting is a 24 hour job folks, don't let anyone tell you otherwise.)  Claire and Isaac and Roger are working a lot.  Me?  Not so much.  Doing the work I need to do but sticking close to home and my tribe because, for now, they need me most.  Two nights ago, Roger and I initiated a new campaign called "Get The H--- Out of my Bed".....for Precious and Josiah.  Thus-far, they usually end up in bed with us and/or one of us sleeps with one of them.  I have this quirky thing that happens to me when I have just had enough of something......I get bold.  So.  2 nights ago, I slept between their beds.  On.  The.  Floor.  Felt safety is very important and the kids feel safe when they know we are close by.  I let them know I would stay all night and that each night their dad or I would be in their room but slowly work our way out of it.

Last night was Roger's turn because after the hot tub, even, my back was screaming at me.  I got to be in bed.  Oh beautiful and merciful and solitary sleep......how I love thee.  He brought in a cot.   Yes.  Yes, he did.  Tonight, I, too, will sleep on the cot although now it will be closer to the door than to their beds.......

Mid-summer also puts our tribe at a place where Claire and my niece Brooklyn get to go to southern Cali with my mom and step-dad for a vacation.  They will spend a week with our family there and shop and go to the beach and just be together.  Present.  Sharing.  Both girls graduate next May.  This is a gift to them from grampa and Nana.....If we can swing it we will take the other 4 kiddos to Omaha soon for some shopping and a day at the zoo.  Shopping?  Oh yeah, we got school supplies today.  That happened.  We will put them away promptly so that we can resume..........summer.

Mid-summer also emphasizes flip flops, suntans, air-conditioning, garden green beans and sweet corn.  Lots and lots of pool time.  Where are you folks at mid-summer?  Take a moment and think about it.  What are you doing?  Thinking?  Eating?  Watching?  Enjoying?  Avoiding? Regretting?.....that's all part of being mindful and present.

As I look ahead to the second half of summer I expect to feel melancholy a bit.  We have some senior pictures scheduled for Claire.  Round 1 that is.  We hope that a family friend (Lori) will do some fall ones because that is Claire's favorite season....but we have some scheduled in a couple weeks with another photographer to get us started.  Claire will also work at the foster kids camp in August and then we will go to Okoboji to spend a weekend with my dad and step-mom to celebrate them.  The boys need football gear and help getting all things ready for football and school, and rides wherever they want to go.  The littles just need us to be here with them and swim and play and laugh and love......and Roger and I can do that for sure.

 I'm thinking that he and I need to plan a weekend away.....after this very significant summer of good and hard things.  Not sure when or how or where but as I sit here and look ahead.......I think it will be part of my plans.  I also want to make time for my good, good friends who I have not seen much so far.  Friends who love me and bring gifts to my house when my sweet uncle died....friends who are thinking of me and hoping I am ok.  I want to be ok with them, sitting somewhere drinking coffees or wine and laughing and sharing and being.  So, as I look ahead I will also plan for that.

I love that today I can look back, look around and look ahead.  I urge others to do the same.  It matters.  

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