Ideal and Real
I got home from our get-away at the lake this afternoon around 4:00. It was a long ride home, entertaining Josiah in the back seat while Claire drove and her cousin rode shot-gun. It was fun to hear them laughing and singing and being teens, and Josiah did great considering it was about a 6 hour car ride start to finish. "Ideal" says that I was relieved and grateful to get away and be home. And that's all true. "Real" says that when I got home, I had to dash out and get food for Claire to eat at work, then go wash the car because we rode through nasty road construction ick, and get gas.......and then fly home so that Roger and I could go get our "most reliable vehicle" from the repair shop and write a $1,000 check for the repair.....oh. And then figure out supper. The guys have been eating leftovers and restaraunt meals for 3 days.......and since I was feeling pretty financially tapped out, I scraped together a dinner from leftovers a week ago and some freezer stuff and some pantry stuff. It was food. It wasn't great.
Ideal says I could unpack and settle in for the evening and enjoy my home. Real says that it was finally a cool evening so we went outside to tackle weeds and sticks and other debris around the yard and worked up a sweat for a couple hours, and then came in to pick up so that things would be ready for Violetta to clean in the morning. (She is both ideal and real, by the way).
Ideal says you go away to rest and relax and regain perspective of life. I agree 100 percent. Real says that all the burdens are still here when I get home.....and that is simply the crash back into post-vacation reality. I want to live at the lake always. I want to wake up to hot strong coffee and my mom smiling from her chair by the window as she scrolls through facebook on her tablet. I want to have morning talks with my aunties who live far away and laugh and share memories and new truths, too. I want to walk down to the dock and join Jeremiah there while he fishes. I want to watch my big kids take out kayaks and my little kids play in the sand and not have to rush out to do any daggum thing. I want to sit in the sun and read my novel until I'm so hot I have to get wet or find shade. I want to have wine at noon just because. I want to listen to birds and marvel at the big Minnesota sky and do so much less every day. I want to help prepare a huge meal for all 20 of us as we clang around the kitchen and tell stories of the day and help each other with our folding and table setting and cooking and cleaning up.
I want to but that is not reality, at least not for now. Maybe someday. For now, I just get a taste of how great that life is, and how much I love my people. I have to fight through the post-vacation doldrums and wake up tomorrow with a fresh plan for reality, not idealism. Thankfully, I have the rest of the week home and don't have to work until Monday. I will do the laundry and make my grocery list and make a loose plan for the next week. I need to. I will also, hopefully, do a few more vacation-like things. Josiah and I are gonna leave in the morning while Violetta cleans. The teens will sleep in downstairs and stay hidden but not us. We gotta go. I hope to go checkout a farmers' market and get some fresh veggies from a nearby town, and maybe take him to a park to play, just because he deserves it.
Ideal says I can just settle into the weekend and be home and quieter and do less but....oh, oh, oh.....real says I have my 30 year high school class reunion on Saturday. Yes. I did say that. 30 year class reunion on Saturday night. Lets just sit with that a moment. As a 48 year old woman, mother of 5, out of shape and slightly crabby woman.........I'm just gonna do it. I'm not gonna agonize about it, or try to primp for it or try to appear well-preserved because, well, lets face it. I'm not much into preserving. If I'm lucky I'll get the old nail polish off my nails so I don't shake hand and hug with chipped polish, and I may even manage to shave my legs before I put on one of my tried and true, cheap skirts and t-shirt and sandles.....and let the real me be real. At my freakin 30 year class reunion. In 2 days.
Sigh.
Ideal says I could unpack and settle in for the evening and enjoy my home. Real says that it was finally a cool evening so we went outside to tackle weeds and sticks and other debris around the yard and worked up a sweat for a couple hours, and then came in to pick up so that things would be ready for Violetta to clean in the morning. (She is both ideal and real, by the way).
Ideal says you go away to rest and relax and regain perspective of life. I agree 100 percent. Real says that all the burdens are still here when I get home.....and that is simply the crash back into post-vacation reality. I want to live at the lake always. I want to wake up to hot strong coffee and my mom smiling from her chair by the window as she scrolls through facebook on her tablet. I want to have morning talks with my aunties who live far away and laugh and share memories and new truths, too. I want to walk down to the dock and join Jeremiah there while he fishes. I want to watch my big kids take out kayaks and my little kids play in the sand and not have to rush out to do any daggum thing. I want to sit in the sun and read my novel until I'm so hot I have to get wet or find shade. I want to have wine at noon just because. I want to listen to birds and marvel at the big Minnesota sky and do so much less every day. I want to help prepare a huge meal for all 20 of us as we clang around the kitchen and tell stories of the day and help each other with our folding and table setting and cooking and cleaning up.
I want to but that is not reality, at least not for now. Maybe someday. For now, I just get a taste of how great that life is, and how much I love my people. I have to fight through the post-vacation doldrums and wake up tomorrow with a fresh plan for reality, not idealism. Thankfully, I have the rest of the week home and don't have to work until Monday. I will do the laundry and make my grocery list and make a loose plan for the next week. I need to. I will also, hopefully, do a few more vacation-like things. Josiah and I are gonna leave in the morning while Violetta cleans. The teens will sleep in downstairs and stay hidden but not us. We gotta go. I hope to go checkout a farmers' market and get some fresh veggies from a nearby town, and maybe take him to a park to play, just because he deserves it.
Ideal says I can just settle into the weekend and be home and quieter and do less but....oh, oh, oh.....real says I have my 30 year high school class reunion on Saturday. Yes. I did say that. 30 year class reunion on Saturday night. Lets just sit with that a moment. As a 48 year old woman, mother of 5, out of shape and slightly crabby woman.........I'm just gonna do it. I'm not gonna agonize about it, or try to primp for it or try to appear well-preserved because, well, lets face it. I'm not much into preserving. If I'm lucky I'll get the old nail polish off my nails so I don't shake hand and hug with chipped polish, and I may even manage to shave my legs before I put on one of my tried and true, cheap skirts and t-shirt and sandles.....and let the real me be real. At my freakin 30 year class reunion. In 2 days.
Sigh.
Comments
Post a Comment