Circles
I fully realize that my posts do not follow any order other than the one that comes from Father God. He nudges me when there is something I should write. It's true. There is no other rhyme or reason to the blogs but that. I'm having a moment or an epiphony or a a a ....day, and then there is this little nudge to consider something for the blog. Holy Spirit decides, I just type the keys. Here's what we've got for tonight. At least for now. My family all left for the weekend and its just Claire, me and the dogs til Sunday so I may be blowing up the feed of blog posts. Only He knows......
Circles.
Last night, Claire and a friend and I had a conversation around THE DINING ROOM TABLE. (It's all caps because I feel like there may be a bigger writing coming about things that have happened around this table.......like, maybe a book or something. My dining room table has so many stories to tell. Please don't tell me someone already wrote that?! Anyway, the friend is a familiar face in our home. We love her. Josiah even considers her his girlfriend and gave her a princess tiara for Christmas.....Claire has photos of her from a birthday party when they were in kindergarden, I think. She's a long-term friend. She shared with me a struggle she was having with relationships and so I gave her my "Circles talk". She responded well to it and totally understood the concept and I feel like others may as well.
The "Circles talk" developed years ago when Claire began to dance more competitively, in the travelling company and there were lots of tears and talks about people having favorites, girls leaving other girls out, etc. You know. We all know. Friendships can be tough. Being hurt by people you really like is tough. Feeling helpless in relationships is really, really tough. She was around 10 when this talk evolved, so I kept it simple and here it is. Maybe it will help someone you know!
Circles. Picture three of them. The outside circle is really big. You can list as many people as you want in it, that you deal with every day. Friends, teachers, coaches, extended family, etc. The middle circle is smaller and would include people you really care a lot about. People whose birthdays you know, who you have shared time and memories and joy and sorrows with.....the solid bunch. For me, I probably have over one hundred people in my outer circle, and maybe a dozen in the middle one. Then, there is the inner circle. God lives here. Whether you are a believer in the living Lord or not, He does live here. It is that place that your heart and soul live. Only those who would sacrifice for you, put your needs first, commit to you even when you are not very likeable get to be in the inner circle. Only those who would never, ever hurt you because they love you so, so much get to be listed in this sacred space.
And the list is moveable. Someone may start on the outer circle and move in. Someone else may move out if they cannot maintain that level of trust and attachment and nurture and security. And that's ok. The point is not the list. The point is to know the boundary lines of your circle. Don't expect more from people than they are capable of and you won't be disappointed as often. Don't believe in something or someone that is not capable of such a huge responsibility.....and really.....keep that outer circle as large as you can so there is potential there to move in closer. Meet people. Get to know people. But do put them in the places they belong in your circles......and save that inner circle for the best of the best. The tested and true. The immovable, unchangeable, steadfast and deep people who will never, ever betray you or forsake you. This circle should have a very small but solid list. At least that is how it is for me.
God tells us that the Golden Rule is to put God first and others second. When I was in nursing school, I took a World Religions class. In every religion there is a version of this Golden Rule. Did you know that? Everyone who worships and loves understands it. I think that must be everyone with a soul. Relationships are very important. Relationships involve give and take and sometimes others take more than they give. If we don't want to burn out on loving people, I think understanding who is in what circle matters. I've lived long enough with this philosophy that I don't need to write out the circles. I just know. There are criteria that define my circles and I would expect that is specific to each of us. If you gave me a name, I could likely tell which circle they live in. But these circles are mine. I don't have to explain them or justify them to anyone. Only my heart and soul and wisdom and thoughts decide and the best thing about the circles is that they are unique to me.
If you find yourself struggling with relationships and trust and belonging, maybe draw a small circle with a larger one around it and a super-huge one around that......and start making some lists. See what you learn. The goal here is boundaries, self-preservation and a deeper understanding of who you are and what you need........
Circles.
Last night, Claire and a friend and I had a conversation around THE DINING ROOM TABLE. (It's all caps because I feel like there may be a bigger writing coming about things that have happened around this table.......like, maybe a book or something. My dining room table has so many stories to tell. Please don't tell me someone already wrote that?! Anyway, the friend is a familiar face in our home. We love her. Josiah even considers her his girlfriend and gave her a princess tiara for Christmas.....Claire has photos of her from a birthday party when they were in kindergarden, I think. She's a long-term friend. She shared with me a struggle she was having with relationships and so I gave her my "Circles talk". She responded well to it and totally understood the concept and I feel like others may as well.
The "Circles talk" developed years ago when Claire began to dance more competitively, in the travelling company and there were lots of tears and talks about people having favorites, girls leaving other girls out, etc. You know. We all know. Friendships can be tough. Being hurt by people you really like is tough. Feeling helpless in relationships is really, really tough. She was around 10 when this talk evolved, so I kept it simple and here it is. Maybe it will help someone you know!
Circles. Picture three of them. The outside circle is really big. You can list as many people as you want in it, that you deal with every day. Friends, teachers, coaches, extended family, etc. The middle circle is smaller and would include people you really care a lot about. People whose birthdays you know, who you have shared time and memories and joy and sorrows with.....the solid bunch. For me, I probably have over one hundred people in my outer circle, and maybe a dozen in the middle one. Then, there is the inner circle. God lives here. Whether you are a believer in the living Lord or not, He does live here. It is that place that your heart and soul live. Only those who would sacrifice for you, put your needs first, commit to you even when you are not very likeable get to be in the inner circle. Only those who would never, ever hurt you because they love you so, so much get to be listed in this sacred space.
And the list is moveable. Someone may start on the outer circle and move in. Someone else may move out if they cannot maintain that level of trust and attachment and nurture and security. And that's ok. The point is not the list. The point is to know the boundary lines of your circle. Don't expect more from people than they are capable of and you won't be disappointed as often. Don't believe in something or someone that is not capable of such a huge responsibility.....and really.....keep that outer circle as large as you can so there is potential there to move in closer. Meet people. Get to know people. But do put them in the places they belong in your circles......and save that inner circle for the best of the best. The tested and true. The immovable, unchangeable, steadfast and deep people who will never, ever betray you or forsake you. This circle should have a very small but solid list. At least that is how it is for me.
God tells us that the Golden Rule is to put God first and others second. When I was in nursing school, I took a World Religions class. In every religion there is a version of this Golden Rule. Did you know that? Everyone who worships and loves understands it. I think that must be everyone with a soul. Relationships are very important. Relationships involve give and take and sometimes others take more than they give. If we don't want to burn out on loving people, I think understanding who is in what circle matters. I've lived long enough with this philosophy that I don't need to write out the circles. I just know. There are criteria that define my circles and I would expect that is specific to each of us. If you gave me a name, I could likely tell which circle they live in. But these circles are mine. I don't have to explain them or justify them to anyone. Only my heart and soul and wisdom and thoughts decide and the best thing about the circles is that they are unique to me.
If you find yourself struggling with relationships and trust and belonging, maybe draw a small circle with a larger one around it and a super-huge one around that......and start making some lists. See what you learn. The goal here is boundaries, self-preservation and a deeper understanding of who you are and what you need........
Comments
Post a Comment