aware of a nursery rhyme....early September

 and I quote.....

"There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.  

She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.

She gave them some broth without any bread;

And whipped them all soundly and put them to bed."

What. the actual heck?  This is one of the age-old nursery rhymes....and I'm disturbed by it.  I've always had issues with "rockabye baby"....and figured it was created by some really tired mom one night who was at the end of herself....but the old woman in the shoe?  That is actually a child abuse call for me as a mandatory reporter.  Just sayin.....

This morning I got my tribe to church.  A few other times I have walked into our worship room with a line full of littles and smiled apologetically because I know that on these sundays we will be distracting to those around us.  Some of the kids will act up and act out and inevitably there will be trips to the bathroom frequently.....and each time I file in with a line full of kids I hear this whisper....."there was an old woman who lived in a shoe....."  Today we got to church 15 minutes early.  on a holiday weekend that means the church was only about 30% full when we arrived.....and I spoke out my inner voice whisper.  I said to those who were smiling at me...."you know that nursery rhyme about the old woman in the shoe?  I feel like that's me!"....but we couldn't remember all the words.....and in my mind the last line said "she kissed them all soundly and put them to bed"....maybe because that is what I actually did last night!  I kissed them all and definitely did not "whip" them!  oh my gosh.

Our nursery rhymes....the ones I built my life upon, are not trauma informed and hopefully not true....although I know they sometimes are.....who wrote this aweful thing anyway?  She gave them broth without any bread because all she had was broth....and she didn't know what to do.....I'm sure this poem pre-dates food stamps and food pantries and WIC food benefits....but still....it haunts me.  Who felt so bad about themselves and their little line of kiddos that they actually make the rhyme?  I ache for her.  yes.  I'm certain it was a her.  

I am an old woman and I don't live in a shoe but if I were to drive around town my 50-ish year old house might feel "shoe-like" to some who live in fancier homes.  I am old because I didn't find the guy to marry until I was about 25 and so it took a bit to date and get married and then start having kids....and then my love for kids and my ache for kids in hard places led to more kids and then some extra kids and now even some extra extra kredit kids who come and go in a more fluid way.  Some days I need to do a head count to make sure I know how many are actually in my care hour by hour....and I know what to do until bedtime.  Then sometimes the overwhelm comes in waves and I don't know what to do.  

I want them to go to sleep so that I can rest and not keep the vigil of caring so so much for the children.  Often they don't go to sleep well or easily or swiftly....and then I don't know what to do.  Last night I had one of my double extra kredits here just because.  One of the dogs chewed up his pacifier and he was struggling to get to sleep.  He wanted his mama, but I had decided to give her a break and so he had to wrestle it out with me without his paci.....teething and fretful and a bit of a cold on top of it....I had gotten the others to sleep because I know what to do with all 4 of them....structure, routine, consistency.  But this little guy was not in his space with his mama.....or his pacifier (dang dogs).  I got out a popcycle and let him suck on the outside of it in bed as he snuggled into my arms.  He sucked and then I realized the end was open so I decided to keep it from dripping so I sucked on the other end....and he has 2 teeth so eventually he bit through it and I ended up with blue popcycle soaking through my shirt and my sheets.....it took til about 3am for him to settle.  but I didn't whip him...nd I didn't give him broth without any bread.  I took the hit with blue popcycle stain on my bed on one of the hottest nights of the year.  

This morning he woke up fretting...with a really full diaper.  I am an old woman.  I didn't get much sleep last night.  I made him a small amout of formula bottle just to hold him over so I could wake up and start the day but I forgot to put the lid and nipple on the bottle so when I gave it to him the 1 oz of formula splashed all over his face and neck and all over my bed.  You have no idea what a big mess 1 oz of formula makes when it pours directly over a baby's face.  There was an old woman who lived in a shoe, she had so many children she didn't know what to do....

But she did.  We got up, got cleaned up, got showered up.  We all ate breakfast and got dressed and went to church and prayed and sang and worshiped and learned from God's word......and me and my church pew peers thought about this aweful nursery rhyme and maybe they were not haunted by it but I was.  2 days ago I called in a child abuse report for another family I am worried about.....this is my "shoe".  This is my life.  This is my calling and this is my passion.  Children need adults to show up and make safe places for them to live and love and laugh and learn and to meet Jesus.  Yep.  that too.  That most of all.  

How about this version:

There was an old woman who lived in a happy yellow house.

She loved so many children she didn't know how to not.

She gave them fresh food, and lots of good love, 

Then kissed them and hugged them and knew it was alot.

That's more like it.