fireflies

 Apparently they are just a nocturnal form of beetles...and no one really gets excited about beetles.  Fireflies, however, feel magical.  Where I live, they show up the end of June/beginning of July and last just a few weeks.  If you are driving at night, they light up the ditches.  If you are intentional and go outside at sunset they dance in the backyard and coax you to try to catch them....and this only lasts an hour or so a night because once the sun goes down and nighttime falls, they disappear....magical.  

    Two nights ago I introduced the extra Kredits to fireflies....they were blown away, excited, squealing and a bit apprehensive.  They were each given a jar and started to chase them and catch them.  Once contained they shook the jar to light them up despite my warning that they would harm the little critters.  We came inside and they agreed to open the lids of the jars of fireflies so they could fly away.  In the morning, some had died in the jars....and the jars were left forgotten in the backyard.  

    Yesterday was a hard day here and it had nothing to do with fireflies.  It had more to do with trauma and memories of other July 4 holidays with their mama and also the weird thing that happens when you go away and your foster kids stay back with other families.  When we all reunite we have had different experiences and there is a disconnect and inevitably foster parents pay the price for it.....lots of ugly behaviors and acting out and dysregulation.  All behavior is communication.  Yesterday was hard.  Also the dishwasher had quit working before we left for vacation so Roger had to go get a new one...and while installing it we discovered the deep freeze had conked out and all of our frozen food was thawing....so that was fun but not really.  

    Kids asked last night if they could go out and catch fireflies and it was a hard "no".  Early bedtime all around....for the sake of sanity and all that is right and good and for me to crawl into bed and just cry awhile.  

    Today was better.  Dishwasher is hooked up and working thank God from whom all blessings flow.  I was so tired of constant dirty dishes.  Our freezer food is at church.  Because that's how we roll.  What was thawed out became lunch and dinner tonight and we enjoyed a fabulous summer dinner with nana Barb and Rick tonight poolside....cedar plank salmon, fresh fruit, and "Jennifer Aniston salad" which is good whether she eats it or not.....and some (thawed) apple pie from a fundraiser I contributed to last fall....and then the kids asked again...."can we go out and catch fireflies tonight?"....and it was a happy yes.  So they did that.

    Fireflies are slowing down already which means they are easier to catch.  extra kredits are getting braver and by the end of the hour they didn't even need the jars.  They caught them in their hands and after delighting in them, could let them go and live to fly another night.  Resilience.  

    One of these soft summer nights, the fireflies will be gone and the xK kids will be sad.....but that's how the seasons go.  We will find something new to delight in then because good things are always coming around the corner.