new table cloth

 There are 2 places that are really hard for me to be when another one of my birdies leaves the nest.  Sunday church row and my dinner table.  Jeremiah left about 10 days ago and he is the third to leave the rhythm of my home.  I knew it was coming but it was still really hard to go to church and sit in our row and not have him there.  Palpably, achingly hard.  But this is the way this goes.  They grow up, they graduate from high school and they do what they do.  Claire and Isaac both chose to go to school right here in town but that still didn't change the way the row at church felt.....or the way I set the table for dinner each night.  

Ironically, or may be not, 2 of the hardest tasks for me as a mom has been to get everyone up and dressed and to church on time week after week, and secondly, the mad rush to get dinner on the table to feed my family.  When they were all really young it was chaos and crying and struggle....and when they got older it was managing all the schedules and activities....but there were always a few meals each week that we all sat together to eat.  Counting heads/plates at a meal has become a way of life for me....

My count is shrinking.  It is shrinking for all the good reasons....kids are growing up and getting married and moving into apartments where they can cook food....and moving farther away than a Sunday dinner is possible.  Even in the shrinking and albeit grieving, there is also joy and celebration because this is why I did it all.  Week after week, months, years went into getting them up for Sunday church so that as adults they would know that it matters.  Week after week and months and years of cooking and feeding and cleaning up after them were an investment so that as they became grown they would know that it matters.  They would know that cooking is better than fast food, that real ingredients, garden produce, fresh whole food is part of the best part of living.  My investment in these things allows them to live fuller, richer, more whole lives as adults.  

Last week I was at a second hand store and I found a table cloth that I really liked.  I liked the colors and the design and I decided that for $4 I should take it home to my very special and important dining room table.  The colors were interesting and did not go with my every day dishes....but they did sing out to some other dishes I had stashed in a cabinet.  Dishes I had put away long ago because I didn't have enough plates to set the full table for my family anymore....and when I got home and counted the plates I had just enough.  Just enough for the people I would feed this week.....Isaac would be around a few more days and chose all on his own to come to church with us.  Roger and I would be there of course, and the younger kiddos would also be here.  5 golden plates on a pretty "new" table cloth for a new season of living our life.  

Today Claire was in town for some school stuff, etc.  She stopped by for an hour and we talked and she munched on zucchini chocolate chip muffins that were made with produce from my back yard garden.  she also had a zucchini at home she needed to use up so we discussed best plan for that.  Isaac showed up later, unexpectedly to talk and found me in a quiet moment alone in the back yard.  I hope I never forget that moment in time that we could talk about real things that matter....and then he filled up a grocery bag full of eggs and butter and leftover burgers and cereal to take back to his apartment on campus.  He also scored a stove-top griddle that I had on hand but never used....and told me that so far he is the only guy in their apartment who is cooking.  Proud, proud mama moment, can I just say.....

Neither of them saw the table cloth because it was in the wash after a few meals of spilling and sloshing.  But it's here.  Precious and Josiah will sit often at the table to eat and sometimes we will use this table cloth and dishes because it will help me make it a priority on a smaller scale, with less plates set, to keep pushing.  Sunday dinner.  Meals cooked and eaten at home.  We got this.