chronicles of XK

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 I'm writing today so I won't forget a lesson I learned last night from our extra kredit.  Sharing it with friends who still read the blog is simply an added bonus so I hope it serves to bless and convict others as it did me.  Recently, it has been a struggle for me as a mom, here.  I've been frustrated and impatient and less than awesome.  Far, far, far less in fact.  I wake up most mornings and ask God for fresh manna for the day, for more patience and wisdom and grace and joy......and to be honest I dread getting up because the demands of the day will start and they will continue to be demanding with very few breaks until everyone is settled in bed again, and then the guilt of everything I did wrong, my potty mouth, my short fuse all come crashing down on my head again as I try to finish the day.  Mom-ing is just freaking hard work.  And, let's be honest, I signed up for the intense version of momming......longer than many women need to endure.....

I can remember and tap into the epigenetics of my sweet grandmother who raised 8 children with an age range of 16 years start to finish.....and I wish she was still alive so that I could call her  and complain and she would just laugh quietly and say, "well, back in my day you just did what you had to do.  I don't think I ever even thought about complaining about it.".   ok grandma Wilma.  I'll stop complaining and get on with it.  love you.  


We have this parenting thing we do at our house.  I've shared it before.  If we ask a child to do something and if they say no, we say, "are you giving me a no?  because if you are giving me a no I will owe you a no"  and if they persist, we write their name with the word "no" on a post it note and put it on the fridge.  We can use that "no" and cash it in whenever we want to and that kind of power and wondering is usually enough for the child to decide to not give a "no" and do what we asked.  It's a beautiful tool, really.  It is very effective.  Last night  extra kredit didn't want to brush his teeth before bed.  He was ultra-whiney and resistant.....and I was tired and.....resistant.  I told him that if he didn't want to brush his teeth I would have to give him a "no".  He definitely didn't want a no.  We discussed it for awhile and I was just ready to take the kid to bed, quite frankly, and then he said something magical.  He said, "well.  mom.  if I brush my teeth like you asked me to......will you write a "yes" on the fridge for me instead of a "no"?  What a simply genious thing to consider!  Well yes, XK, I will!  So he brushed his teeth and we went to bed and he got his story and his prayer and his music and got up and went to school today and I remembered.  He gets a "yes".  I wrote the yes on the a post-it with his name and the bright blue paper stood out clearly at his eye level among the other pictures and notes and papers that decorate the fridge here.  

When XK came home from school today he saw his "yes" and he cashed it in promptly.  Yes is so much more fun than no!  and here is my take-away.  This kiddo has been through a lot in his short life.  He deserves to be crabby and angry and impatient and selfish....but he's not.  God Almighty and Omniscient planted seeds of goodness and positivity and resilience and yes in his soul and when he needs to, he can pull it to the surface and get his needs met.  He is creative.  He is optimistic.  He is always ready to find the good.  Man oh man, I hope to learn from him and become more like him for as long as he stays with us.  He definitely makes me want to be a better version of me.  Thanks, buddy.  

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