self-regulation
Self-regulation is one of those terms I use a lot. When my kids are throwing a fit and I want them to calm down and use their words and communicate what they need......I reach for my list of tools that I always try to help them self-regulate. Or mom-regulate...or whatever. I have been a part of some good mental health conversations in the past few weeks about self-regulating and mindfulness and coping during periods of stress and adversity.
I figured covid-19 is providing us all with so much time on social media and internet, I might as well share what I'm thinking. take it or leave it, use it or toss it.....My goal is to try to calm down, use my words and communicate what I need. :)
This situation we are all living in is causing me to be dis-regulated. My sense of order and control and contentment is challenged all day long. I don't feel settled or well-ordered. I make a plan for the day and constant interruption and distraction and urgency throw curve balls my way and I mostly feel like I am dodging the pitches, getting hit, or limping into the dugout in tears......I am not very self-regulated right now. I am well-aware that I'm not alone. I see the posts, I hear the voices, I read the prayers......we are all in the middle of a really big storm of dis-regulation and guess what? It's not good for us. Wanna fight against it with me? Here are some ideas.
I heard a quote today from some buddhist therapist (sorry, can't remember her name). It said: Anxiety doesn't live long in the present moment. Anxiety is part of being dis-regulated. Fighting to be present in the moment and feel the skin you live in and hear and see and smell and touch and know what is happening right now matters. Worry about the future and shame and guilt and self-blame over the past don't help us self-regulate. One tip I learned today was to do the following exercise. Several times in the day, take just a moment and notice 5 things in your surroundings that you weren't aware of. Just notice them and bring them to mind, so that sitting in this moment feels more real than the worry or the regret or the anxiety or the calamity of the soul. For me, right now, I am aware of my fingers clicking on my keyboard. I am in my porch which is fast becoming my happy place. I feel a breeze from the fans above me and the fresh spring air outside. I feel the cushion under me that I am sitting on. It isn't very comfortable so I wiggle my legs around. (That's 3) I smell the musty smell of dust and blankets that have been bunched up in here for the past month or so. I hear the really loud sound of the movie Josiah is watching in the living room. Oh wait....I now also hear someones lawn mower. I also notice the glisten of the trees reflected in the water of the pool, yet too cold to swim in but inviting and also promising hope and joy of days to come in the sun.....and as I list the 5 things they sometimes are growing into 7 or 10 more.....and I begin to feel not just present but also grateful.
Gratefulness is part of being mindful and helps us to self-regulate. Another part of mindfulness is breathing. Deep, slow breathing. I like to do box breathing which I have referred to before. 4 seconds inhale, 4 seconds hold your breath, 4 seconds exhale and 4 seconds wait....then repeat. That's my way. Lately I have found myself awake in the night, unable to return to sleep. This tells me that I am feeling less than self-regulated because usually I sleep great. When I am awake and sleepless, I am trying now to do the box breathing and I also plan to begin to find the 5 things I am aware of from now on. Fighting anxiety and feelings of dis-regulation demand the discipline of being present. They just do.
Last week, one of my peers in my infant mental health reflective supervision (yes, that is actually a thing) also taught me about a safety plan that involves identifying things that help me to cope. Her example was that when she is really struggling, she drinks root beer because it reminds her of being a child and going to A & W for root beer with her grandpa. It was a happy memory and when she drinks root beer she remembers feeling good, and safe, and well. So if she shows up at work with root beer her co-workers all know that she needs extra grace, or extra space, or extra love.....and she had several things like that listed in her self care plan that everyone she spends time with can identify as her "helps". I've started wondering what would be on my list.....and I've also started talking to my family about what theirs might be. So I also ask you.....what are yours? I would love to know! If I can sow into your self-regulation when you are falling apart, by knowing what helps you to self-regulate, to come back to being present and feeling well, I'd sure be honored.
Strangely, in my considerations, I am finding and listing things that do the opposite....which I guess is part of the process. What makes me feel dis-regulated are definitely loud noises that last too long, messes that last too long, and not going for walks.
So I think, for me, having time and space that is quiet if not absolutely silent is one of my helps. Having time and help to clean and organizes and order my environment is also a help for my ability to feel self-regulated. (Lord have mercy, this one has not been very well implemented much of my life....but I'm a work in progress like everyone else!) Exercise. Preferable long walks in fresh air with deep breaths and no noise.....but any exercise is definitely beneficial. There are also other things.....dipping a hunk of chocolate into the peanut butter jar makes me feel decadent and I feel the endorphins firing. Holding a baby is like medicine to me. Deep and meaningful conversation with a friend.....not a crowd...and not gossip. Lilac blooms in spring... the smell of sunscreen......bonfires......bald eagles......and John 3:16, Psalm 23, the Lord's Prayer and the Apostles Creed.....in no order.
My last take-away quote is one I may bring back again and unpack a bit more because I am ruminating a bit on it but I think it's a good closer here as well. I don't know who said it to give honor to so I guess I will apologize later instead of asking permission. Whoever said it should want it shared......
"Success is the sum of all of our beautiful failures."
Lets just leave it there for now.
Be blessed folks, and hang in there.
I figured covid-19 is providing us all with so much time on social media and internet, I might as well share what I'm thinking. take it or leave it, use it or toss it.....My goal is to try to calm down, use my words and communicate what I need. :)
This situation we are all living in is causing me to be dis-regulated. My sense of order and control and contentment is challenged all day long. I don't feel settled or well-ordered. I make a plan for the day and constant interruption and distraction and urgency throw curve balls my way and I mostly feel like I am dodging the pitches, getting hit, or limping into the dugout in tears......I am not very self-regulated right now. I am well-aware that I'm not alone. I see the posts, I hear the voices, I read the prayers......we are all in the middle of a really big storm of dis-regulation and guess what? It's not good for us. Wanna fight against it with me? Here are some ideas.
I heard a quote today from some buddhist therapist (sorry, can't remember her name). It said: Anxiety doesn't live long in the present moment. Anxiety is part of being dis-regulated. Fighting to be present in the moment and feel the skin you live in and hear and see and smell and touch and know what is happening right now matters. Worry about the future and shame and guilt and self-blame over the past don't help us self-regulate. One tip I learned today was to do the following exercise. Several times in the day, take just a moment and notice 5 things in your surroundings that you weren't aware of. Just notice them and bring them to mind, so that sitting in this moment feels more real than the worry or the regret or the anxiety or the calamity of the soul. For me, right now, I am aware of my fingers clicking on my keyboard. I am in my porch which is fast becoming my happy place. I feel a breeze from the fans above me and the fresh spring air outside. I feel the cushion under me that I am sitting on. It isn't very comfortable so I wiggle my legs around. (That's 3) I smell the musty smell of dust and blankets that have been bunched up in here for the past month or so. I hear the really loud sound of the movie Josiah is watching in the living room. Oh wait....I now also hear someones lawn mower. I also notice the glisten of the trees reflected in the water of the pool, yet too cold to swim in but inviting and also promising hope and joy of days to come in the sun.....and as I list the 5 things they sometimes are growing into 7 or 10 more.....and I begin to feel not just present but also grateful.
Gratefulness is part of being mindful and helps us to self-regulate. Another part of mindfulness is breathing. Deep, slow breathing. I like to do box breathing which I have referred to before. 4 seconds inhale, 4 seconds hold your breath, 4 seconds exhale and 4 seconds wait....then repeat. That's my way. Lately I have found myself awake in the night, unable to return to sleep. This tells me that I am feeling less than self-regulated because usually I sleep great. When I am awake and sleepless, I am trying now to do the box breathing and I also plan to begin to find the 5 things I am aware of from now on. Fighting anxiety and feelings of dis-regulation demand the discipline of being present. They just do.
Last week, one of my peers in my infant mental health reflective supervision (yes, that is actually a thing) also taught me about a safety plan that involves identifying things that help me to cope. Her example was that when she is really struggling, she drinks root beer because it reminds her of being a child and going to A & W for root beer with her grandpa. It was a happy memory and when she drinks root beer she remembers feeling good, and safe, and well. So if she shows up at work with root beer her co-workers all know that she needs extra grace, or extra space, or extra love.....and she had several things like that listed in her self care plan that everyone she spends time with can identify as her "helps". I've started wondering what would be on my list.....and I've also started talking to my family about what theirs might be. So I also ask you.....what are yours? I would love to know! If I can sow into your self-regulation when you are falling apart, by knowing what helps you to self-regulate, to come back to being present and feeling well, I'd sure be honored.
Strangely, in my considerations, I am finding and listing things that do the opposite....which I guess is part of the process. What makes me feel dis-regulated are definitely loud noises that last too long, messes that last too long, and not going for walks.
So I think, for me, having time and space that is quiet if not absolutely silent is one of my helps. Having time and help to clean and organizes and order my environment is also a help for my ability to feel self-regulated. (Lord have mercy, this one has not been very well implemented much of my life....but I'm a work in progress like everyone else!) Exercise. Preferable long walks in fresh air with deep breaths and no noise.....but any exercise is definitely beneficial. There are also other things.....dipping a hunk of chocolate into the peanut butter jar makes me feel decadent and I feel the endorphins firing. Holding a baby is like medicine to me. Deep and meaningful conversation with a friend.....not a crowd...and not gossip. Lilac blooms in spring... the smell of sunscreen......bonfires......bald eagles......and John 3:16, Psalm 23, the Lord's Prayer and the Apostles Creed.....in no order.
My last take-away quote is one I may bring back again and unpack a bit more because I am ruminating a bit on it but I think it's a good closer here as well. I don't know who said it to give honor to so I guess I will apologize later instead of asking permission. Whoever said it should want it shared......
"Success is the sum of all of our beautiful failures."
Lets just leave it there for now.
Be blessed folks, and hang in there.
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