Holy Week day 7....displaced

 This world is not our home.  That is why Jesus went to the cross, battled Satan, waged war for our souls so that we can be called home to him....and that our days here can be more than meaningless, selfish mass taking up space.  This world is not our home.  We are a bit displaced here.....living in the world but not of the world....doing our best and falling short until we get to Heaven and there will be no more struggling, no more hardship....no more suffering.  

XK came home today after being at a respite foster home for 4 days.  When I went to get him they were playing outside and he was flushed and sweaty...and he strapped into the carseat and said "I'm sad mom.  I didn't want to leave".  I get that buddy.  You were having fun.  I'm glad you were having fun with them.  I knew you would.   We got home and unpacked his stuff and within 10 minutes he said...."Its good to be home again, mom.  I missed you"   later he said it felt new to be home.  I get that too...after you have been away and experienced new things you feel kind of different and less familiar....I felt the same.  He had a bath and some food and was ready to tuck into bed and be with all his stuff again and now he is settling in to sleep.  He asked why he didn't go with us to Minnesota.  I explained that we needed to spend some time with Precious and Josiah because we are their mom and dad and that is hard for him to accept but it is the truth...he has his own parents.  We are their parents.  I think he gets it and still knows that we love him and we want him to be with us as long as he needs to be.  We bought him a few things so that he would know that we were rememering him and thinking of him while we were apart....but it's hard.  It's hard for me.  I feel guilty for needing a break, guilty for the sacrifice our kids have made for us to do foster care, guilty for XK's parents who stress alot when he goes somewhere else so that we can have a break....nothing is easy about any of it.  He knows this is home but also that it is not his home, his forever home.....that there is a different permanent place for him and until then we are doing our best....kind of like us Christians here on Earth.  

We live in the world but not of the world so tomorrow we may hide some easter eggs and enjoy playing outside together and we will also go to church and celebrate that Jesus is alive....in the world, not of the world.....and so we do our best.  XK will have his first Jesus Easter Morning.  Sacred space occupied by sweetness, stuffy noses, some candy and a whole lotta love.  How do I get to be in this place that I get to show this kiddo Jesus Easter?  I get to wake him up and take him to church......it is an honor....so shame on you if you could go to church and decide not to because for this kiddo....it is his first time on Easter morning.  It will be my quiet Holy Spirit prayer that he will love it so much that he will knock down walls every year for the rest of his life to land himself in church on Easter mornings to thank Jesus for what He did for us.  Holy Week....day 7.  Tomorrow is Easter morning.  I don't think I will write tomorrow....I'm just gonna savor it.  I hope you do too.