oh to flip the switch
For the past five or six days, things have been rather hard with Precious. She has been having a hard time which makes me have a hard time. This is a part of our life here, and I write about it, not to shame her or embarras her, but to tell a much bigger story of how important she is to me and to the world.
Precious struggles with sensory processing issues and the effects of stress.....and that can look like a child who is crabby and upset and petulant. For the past several days things have just been wrong. I've tried all of my tricks and tools to make things right again......and they have failed. Last night I told her I just needed her to find the way to "flip her switch" back again because I couldn't take very many more of these hard days for awhile.
If you have a child like this, who has frequent meltdowns and struggles with food, with clothes, with chores, with obedience, with kindness at home....then you get it. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for answers, for patience, for progress, for healing....for whatever I need to be the mom she needs me to be. God. Answers. Prayers.
Recently, I, too, have been under a tremendous amount of stress. My stress has come from various places including work, parenting, personal....you name it. I have carried a huge load of stress for too long and this week, most of that stress left. It had a deadline. I knew it wasn't permanent....and at the end of the month of April, much of the stress I was feeling in a variety of ways, was finished. Last night, I should have been happy, relaxed and content. The effects of the stress I had been weathering could not dissipate on demand. I felt tearful. Unhappy. I didn't know what I wanted or needed....I was just out of sorts and unpleasant......much like.....what? Yep. Much like Precious.
She deals with this all the time. Every day in multiple ways and so this week, God gave me just a little hint into what its like inside of her....I am humbled and in awe. She is so much stronger and safer and smarter than I am. She thrives in spite of it. I was shrivelling under it.
Today, I had a long work day and sat at a track meet in the rain and I eventually made it home. My mom had collected the little kids and gotten Isaac to and from his dentist appointment so that I could sit and wait to watch Jeremiah run his race in track. When I got home, I summoned Precious and told her that we needed to talk. She got busy....I started dinner.
Dinner is really, really chaotic here. I wish it wasn't but it is. Sigh.
After dinner I was at the kitchen sink, doing what I do multiple times a day......rinsing and emptying and packing away and washing....and I looked out of the window and saw Precious with the garden hose.....and our german shephard. Josiah was in the bedroom looking for his swim suit.....and Precious was out there in her brand new shorts getting soaking wet and getting the dog soaking wet and laughing and playing........and making a mess......and resetting her button. Just like I needed her to.
By the time I got her cleaned up, washed and dried and into bed......with melatonin and lavender oil rubbed into her back....the conversation about resetting her button, feeling well and regulated was a waste of time. She had done it. She was good. I asked her about it.....if she felt well inside and calm and no longer dis-regulated.....and she was mostly like.....sigh......"yep mom. I'm good."
I had tried bribing and threatening and nurturing. I had tried McDonalds fries and soda and Doritos and nothing worked for days and days and days....but some early evening sunshine and a water hose and an eager dog......well, that flipped the switch for her. Watching her belly laugh outside in the sunshine looking healthy and well....flipped mine.
I never know when the switch will flip again until it does. So many things factor into it. Precious is working hard in school doing end of the year assessments, preparing to say good-bye to her teacher that she loves, trying hard to master her dance routines before recital. We are always leaving for soccer or a concert or something.....stress is a part of our life. I have hope tonight that tomorrow may start out better after some water work with the dog in the back yard, in the sunshine.....and if not, I have better empathy for what it feels like to try to do the day when you are just feeling stressed. I also have more respect for her and for who she is. Thank you, Lord, for my precious Precious.
Precious struggles with sensory processing issues and the effects of stress.....and that can look like a child who is crabby and upset and petulant. For the past several days things have just been wrong. I've tried all of my tricks and tools to make things right again......and they have failed. Last night I told her I just needed her to find the way to "flip her switch" back again because I couldn't take very many more of these hard days for awhile.
If you have a child like this, who has frequent meltdowns and struggles with food, with clothes, with chores, with obedience, with kindness at home....then you get it. I have prayed and prayed and prayed for answers, for patience, for progress, for healing....for whatever I need to be the mom she needs me to be. God. Answers. Prayers.
Recently, I, too, have been under a tremendous amount of stress. My stress has come from various places including work, parenting, personal....you name it. I have carried a huge load of stress for too long and this week, most of that stress left. It had a deadline. I knew it wasn't permanent....and at the end of the month of April, much of the stress I was feeling in a variety of ways, was finished. Last night, I should have been happy, relaxed and content. The effects of the stress I had been weathering could not dissipate on demand. I felt tearful. Unhappy. I didn't know what I wanted or needed....I was just out of sorts and unpleasant......much like.....what? Yep. Much like Precious.
She deals with this all the time. Every day in multiple ways and so this week, God gave me just a little hint into what its like inside of her....I am humbled and in awe. She is so much stronger and safer and smarter than I am. She thrives in spite of it. I was shrivelling under it.
Today, I had a long work day and sat at a track meet in the rain and I eventually made it home. My mom had collected the little kids and gotten Isaac to and from his dentist appointment so that I could sit and wait to watch Jeremiah run his race in track. When I got home, I summoned Precious and told her that we needed to talk. She got busy....I started dinner.
Dinner is really, really chaotic here. I wish it wasn't but it is. Sigh.
After dinner I was at the kitchen sink, doing what I do multiple times a day......rinsing and emptying and packing away and washing....and I looked out of the window and saw Precious with the garden hose.....and our german shephard. Josiah was in the bedroom looking for his swim suit.....and Precious was out there in her brand new shorts getting soaking wet and getting the dog soaking wet and laughing and playing........and making a mess......and resetting her button. Just like I needed her to.
By the time I got her cleaned up, washed and dried and into bed......with melatonin and lavender oil rubbed into her back....the conversation about resetting her button, feeling well and regulated was a waste of time. She had done it. She was good. I asked her about it.....if she felt well inside and calm and no longer dis-regulated.....and she was mostly like.....sigh......"yep mom. I'm good."
I had tried bribing and threatening and nurturing. I had tried McDonalds fries and soda and Doritos and nothing worked for days and days and days....but some early evening sunshine and a water hose and an eager dog......well, that flipped the switch for her. Watching her belly laugh outside in the sunshine looking healthy and well....flipped mine.
I never know when the switch will flip again until it does. So many things factor into it. Precious is working hard in school doing end of the year assessments, preparing to say good-bye to her teacher that she loves, trying hard to master her dance routines before recital. We are always leaving for soccer or a concert or something.....stress is a part of our life. I have hope tonight that tomorrow may start out better after some water work with the dog in the back yard, in the sunshine.....and if not, I have better empathy for what it feels like to try to do the day when you are just feeling stressed. I also have more respect for her and for who she is. Thank you, Lord, for my precious Precious.
Comments
Post a Comment