boundaries....

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a little pause

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 Yesterday we celebrated an epic day for our family.  Isaac graduated from Dordt U in the morning with a buisness/construction management Bachelor's degree.  His was the class that graduated in the pandemic and did not get a real senior year or graduation.  We were pleased and surprised when he actually went to college buecause everything was so hard that year in 2020.  He did all 4 years and got his diploma and we are so proud!  Claire also walked the stage at Dordt U having finished her masters of social work degree....something neither Roger or I ever did.  She works in Des Moines as a mental health professional and God uses her to heal and love the hurting and the lost.  I'm so so proud of them both!   Jeremiah took off work to attend the events, as did our extra Kredit son Uriel, who loves to join in all of our family holidays and special events.  He and Jeremiah both did a year of college and then said it was enough and entere...
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circles

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 Years ago, my oldest kiddo was struggling with some of her relationships.  Friends she thought were good and faithful fell short.  She felt unsafe and unprepared socially and so she and I sat down together after she had vented and cried and talked through all the things.  I drew a circle, then a bigger one around it and a third bigger circle around that one.  Together we came up with a list of people she could put in the most inner circle, defined as who she could trust no matter what.  It is a small circle for a reason.  Who can you say with certainty that you know will always put you first, care for you and come through for you?  Because she wasn't sure we talked about options and why they could be reliable.....God, mom, dad (and maybe nana Barb but I don't really remember.)  The second circle includes people we care about deeply who we know care for us...and why.  We discuss who they are and what qualities they posess to put them in ...
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Sensory Somethings....

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 I've had a rough couple of weeks.  Nothing serious or tragic happened, it just felt like an uphill climb every day and a few days in there where I stumbled, lost my footing and it was just exhausting having to gear up to climb some more.  It's friday night and I have come to a flat landing on this mountain and I"m ready to rest a bit and take in my surroundings for a couple of days.  We don't have to travel out of town, we don't have an intense schedule for the weekend and it's time to prepare and consume some sensory  sustenance.....and to find a way to self-regulate now that there is time to catch my breath.   I have had an ah-ha moment.  When children are not regulated, and no one is co-regulating with them, and they are aware of this, there are impulse control issues.  "Why is he doing that?"  Lets see how regulated vs. how dysregulated he is.....how long does it take him to get to calm and make smart decisions vs being impulsive, d...
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