He is Greater.....John 3:30 says He must become greater, I must become less"

 I have a personal challenge going and I feel compelled to expand on it a bit since I am just over halfway through it.  It involved 14 days straight of being purposeful and intentional and doing something fun with my 3 younger kiddos. That may seem whimsical and carefree, if not a bit crazy, but let me explain.  In the weeks leading up to Christmas break, I was in a state of fear and dread.  How would I keep them happy and entertained?  No one was available to provide child care.   I needed to get at least the minimum amount of work done for my job, so I needed distraction and contentment here at home since I am still working from home due to Covid.  None of the 3 of them are good at finding creative ways to play like my older 3 kids could do at the same age.....and at some point in the fear and dread I came up with an idea.  Rather than survive and tolerate the 14 days of Christmas break, why not celebrate it? The 3 older kids are all workin...

 I'm sitting here in the sunset of a  profoundly ordinary and extrordinary day.  They can be like that, can't they?  So methodical and trying and mundane....and yet also so unbelievably wonderful.  That is what today is.  Actually, it's what every day is....but today I am finding some words to write about it.  Some days I don't.  I'm asking Father God, just now, to help me find the words to tell about today.   The plan for today was to have extra kredit go on a longer visit....and I had high hopes of getting some time-sensitive work done because even though we are on Christmas break, I have a job.(  and no daycare.)  A storm rolled in that turned into a blizzard and canceled his visit completely....and changed my plans abruptly.  I wanted to be frustrated about my plans changing but instead my heart broke again because this little friend has endured more disappointment than most have over the course of their life...and he ...

 You know that place we  get to about mid-December?  It's a place where we make lists and try not to forget the mundane things of the week as we look ahead to Holiday celebrations for Christmas and plans for feasts and parties, or if we are distancing due to COVID we are working on alternative plans that feel special and wonderful for the 2020 Christmas season.  The decorations are up, we are eating chocolate covered cherries and drinking egg nog....the Christmastime is here!   We are doing a mix of both planning and pivoting and adjusting with our Christmas planning.  There is a Christmas day menu being discussed and presents are progressively appearing around the Christmas tree.  The lists are in full swing.....and maybe you want to hear about how we are having to daily discuss what we can and cannot do for Claire's upcoming wedding January 2, and maybe you want to hear about the tears we have cried and the hope we have reached for and the truth...

 November is a month to celebrate many things.  It is national adoption/foster care month.  It is Josiah's birthday month.  It is my mom's birthday month.  It is Election month and Veteran's Day month....and it is Thanksgiving.   Josiah had a birthday yesterday.  He's 8.  He cried the night before his birthday because he couldn't share his birthday with his birth mom....and he missed knowing her and being able to talk to her and share things about his life with her.  I told him he had a big empty hole in his heart where she should have filled but because she couldn't fill it He should ask Jesus to fill that part up, too.  He said that made sense.  I think it does, too.  Adoption is a hard thing.  The joy we felt when we knew we could add him to our family was balanced by deep sorrow for his birth mom because she couldn't keep him in hers.  She gratefully and willingly turned the job of parenting him over to us......

 I have some thoughts to write out....and obviously share.  I am praying as I start to type that God will till the soil and spread the seed on fertile ground.  If not, I'll get some nasty comments that I will delete.  Disclaimer delivered.  Yesterday most of the country voted for our president and senators, etc.  In fact, I think its pretty cool how many people voted and how much this election means to Americans.  Thanks be to God for the patriotism demonstrated in Election 2020.  This has been a hard year and we are all desperate for something to cling to, to hang our hat on and to use our energy to cultivate.   I was driving Josiah, age 7, to tumbling and asked who he would vote for if he could vote.  He said he would vote for Trump because if he voted for Biden then Biden would make people wear masks, even when they were in bed sleeping.....that is not intel he heard at home, trust me.  Still.  He was choosing to vote f...

 This morning I was starting my day in a quiet, contemplative, prayerful way.  Those are my favorites.  I was considering my parents-in-law who are planning to pack up and drive to Arizona again for the winter.  They came on Sunday to see us because when the leave for Arizona they are gone for about 6 months.  We worry about them when they are in the midwest and we worry about them when they are travelling and we worry about them when they are down south because we love them so much.  Also, we worry because they are 88 and 89 years old......so there's that.  This morning I felt compelled to send a prayer to the sisters as we all are wanting their trip south to go well, and because we worry....and in the writing of the prayer to them, I heard in my heart the words to a very old song.....by Steve Green....called People Need the Lord.   We just really, really do.   We need the Lord.  The words talk about hurting people, lost peopl...

 I'm writing today so I won't forget a lesson I learned last night from our extra kredit.  Sharing it with friends who still read the blog is simply an added bonus so I hope it serves to bless and convict others as it did me.  Recently, it has been a struggle for me as a mom, here.  I've been frustrated and impatient and less than awesome.  Far, far, far less in fact.  I wake up most mornings and ask God for fresh manna for the day, for more patience and wisdom and grace and joy......and to be honest I dread getting up because the demands of the day will start and they will continue to be demanding with very few breaks until everyone is settled in bed again, and then the guilt of everything I did wrong, my potty mouth, my short fuse all come crashing down on my head again as I try to finish the day.  Mom-ing is just freaking hard work.  And, let's be honest, I signed up for the intense version of momming......longer than many women need to endure....

In the earliest of hours this morning, I was awake and tossing and turning in bed.  I felt a wave of panic overhwelm me, thinking about covid and isolation and quarantine and the ever-threatened in-person learning vs. being shut down again and sent home.....I reached for God in prayer, like a child drowning in a pool.  I reached for God and said, Lord, take this fear and dispair and panic from me.  Remove it from my body and my mind and let me instead trust you...  Before the prayer was done I was sleeping again.  I woke up to the news of the latest racially-toned shooting, and the Ginsburg funeral, and the concern over the drought and worry for the farmers...and wondering which checks  I can write today vs. which ones have to wait for another paycheck..... And then I drove down the road to bring something to Claire at the apartment.  And I noticed.   I noticed that the trees are even more beautiful today than they were yesterday.  Overn...

 1 John 4:7 says "Dear Friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God"  in verse 8-9  John continues to say "Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.  this is how God showed his love among us;  He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him." Today is our 24th year wedding anniversary.  Yey us!  We are spending it in a Monday-ish kind of way, working from home because of covid....but reserving the right to celebrate next week when we take a little get-away for Roger's birthday.  With 6 kids and about 4 jobs between the two of us, we decided to just condense the celebrations.  I'll stay married to Roger for sure another 24 years plus  no matter if we  go out for dinner or dine in.  We have developed a capacity to throw down a serious meal right here at home after all this time.   1 John 4:7 was a ver...

 Extra kredit had his first day of school ever today.  He was so excited to go.....was counting sleeps for a week or more until today came.  He was up and ready before 7am and the bus wouldn't come until 7:45.  He was brave and he was ready.  I washed dishes today at school so I was able to check in at lunchtime and he said he was doing great and his teacher said he was doing great.  Great!  Great.  It was all great until bedtime where a meltdown started and continued for over an hour and a half regarding whether to have a shower or not and then in bed, wishing he had had a shower and then not wanting to go to school ever again because school was scary and he just wants me.......and Roger and I both sat in the bedroom a long time while he cried and I eventually left the room and Roger stayed while he cried some more because he really just needed to cry out everything he had held in all of his great, great day long.  I need this kiddo to wake ...

 We all knew this one was coming.....and we are now to the firstborn child of our family.  I don't usually know exactly what I will write until I start writing.  You guys all know how I feel about Claire.  I've shared some of my thoughts on her before.....Two years ago she left for the first time to live at college.  Man that was a hard day for me.  I have ached for other friends these past days who have sent their first child to college......know this friends:  It gets easier.  Year 2 was easier and more familiar.....until Covid hit and they all came home early.   Claire is starting her third year at Dordt University.  She is one of the captains of the dance team and she is a social work major.  She has a work study for the Social Work department heads, and she teaches dance at the local dance studio.  She's also planning a wedding...... She and Jonah will get married January 2 of 2021 and then they will finish up their 4...

 Isaac Earl was born in the spring of 2002, right after 911.  I was pregnant with him when that happened.  I had a difficult pregnancy with him and there was a threat that he could be lost prenatally the first half of the pregnancy.  At 9 weeks gestation, I went to a church service and knelt at an alter after an alter call....and I was bleeding and the doctors had told me that for now I had a viable fetus but the future was not gauranteed.  I knelt at that alter and I gave him to the Lord.  He was not yet Isaac...he was just a baby I was carrying.  I told God this was his child and asked him if I could please carry and raise him.  I got a yes.   Isaac was a hard baby.  He cried and fussed and didn't sleep and wanted to nurse 24/7 and he was exhausting.  He was spitty and he was crabby....and I mothered him every minute of every hour of every day.  Eventually he grew out of that stage and became a very brave and boistrous t...

 You know all those theories and descriptions of siblings according to birth order?  They seem to ring pretty true in our house.  Jeremiah is the middle child.....literally smack dab in the middle.  According to some sources (on the internet of course) middle children have strong friendships and relationships.  Jeremiah has had the same friends since pre-school.  Middles are the peacekeepers.  Definitely true here.  Earlier this week I was hysterical about something that one of the younger kids had done and was shreiking and maybe even yelling......and he came in the house on his lunch break and saw what had happened and surveyed the situation and my response.....and he started to laugh.  Eyebrows raised, weird look on his face.....laughing.  At me.  And at said child.  Middles go with the flow rather than being stubborn....Also true.  They are open and willing to try new things.  Jeremiah will eat absolutely anything...

 Today is Precious Maryn's birthday.  She is 11.  Last night when I tucked her into bed and prayed for her, I prayed for her birth mom, that wherever she is, if she was thinking about the night she went into labor with Precious, and about her birthday, that the Lord would bless her.  I prayed that she would have joy and peace in Jesus.  She gave us an amazing gift when she chose us to be Precious' parents 11 years ago.   There was no way I could have known what our lives would look like 11 years ago when we were matched with this beautiful baby girl.  God would reveal to us over and over again, his providence, his purpose, his plan and his perfect love in all of the ways we were ill-equipped, unprepared, and overwhelmed.  She is a blessing and she is challenging me to dig deep, lean in to God every day, and strive to be a better version of myself in all things.  Precious is special.   Precious is a really good friend.  She...

 Josiah is the fifth kid in birth order here.  Interestingly, if he had remained in his birth family, he was also the 5th child of his birth mom.  That's kind of cool, I think.  Josiah is 7. He is growing into this really cool human that is a perfect blend of competent and mature and trustworthy, mixed in with sweet and tender and silly.  Yesterday he and and I took a walk with the dog.  It was hot and muggy.  I was walking the dog and he was breezing ahead on his segway he got for his 7th birthday.  We passed by the city pool.  Later he asked if he could go to the pool.  It was mid-afternoon but I said ok, if you think you can manage by yourself.  He took one of the free admission tokens on our counter that we were given by someone, hopped on his bike, biked the few blocks over there, stayed a few hours and biked home all by himself.  That's a perk of a small town, by the way.  He also said he wanted to learn to cook so h...

 I spent some time early in the morning yesterday with God.  I read Matthew 7:15-20.  "Watch out for false prophets.  They come to you in sheeps clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves.  By their fruit you will recoognize them.  Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?  Likewise every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit.  A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.  every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.  thus, by their fruit you will recognize them."    It's so hard right now to know where the true and false prophets are.  The news is alarming and confusing.  Social media is polarizing.....so many opinions and so much drama and so much anger and hatred and angst.  It is a presidential election year which makes everything even crazier.....its hard to know who to trust.  I've been talkin...

Today is July 8.  It is the third anniversary of my uncle Todd Mouw's dying day.  I am not one to visit cemetaries.....I don't tend to go to remember my loved ones....until today.  His widow, Cyndi reminded the family this morning that July 8 is the day he died and so it helped me think about him and remember him and more importantly, to remember his dying day.  In all of my life, and the lives of my children and husband, I believe we may never experience a dying day quite like the one Todd had.  It was beautiful and purposeful and intentional and tragic and sad and glorious......death was imminent for him and he was allowed to decide that July 8 was the imminent end.  He had countless visitors in his hospital room, including our entire family.  We sat with him, sang with him, prayed with him and heard scripture with him.  He told each of my children how much he loved them.  He called all of his friends who could not come to say good-bye and ...

Hey everyone....I'm writing today to raise a call....a call to raise good, good men.  Today I was mowing the yard and thinking about Roger and our extra Kredit.  This morning XK got up early (as usual) and wanted to watch a certain show we don't really like or think is appropriate but it's also not horrible.  Roger gently and firmly guided him to a different Saturday morning cartoon.  Looney Toons.  Road Runner and Woody Woodpecker and later Tom and Jerry.  He explained the story line of both shows and after XK understood, the 2 of them sat together for awhile and watched and enjoyed some classic cartoons.   Roger wasn't so excited about saying yes to a foster placement.  He was nervous and apprehensive about all the things.....you can imagine.  We discussed it and we prayed about it and we said yes because all the things were things that were uncomfortable.....but not impossible.  Roger is a good, good man.  He was raised by g...

Exodus 16:4     Then the Lord said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you.  The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day.  In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions." 3 weeks ago when we said yes to taking in a child who needed a safe place to live for awhile, we didn't know what we would need.  We did know we needed another bed.....and maybe a dresser.....but otherwise we could not know what we would need until we needed it.  It had only been a couple of days when the cry of my heart, and my prayer over and over each day was this.  "Lord God.....send fresh manna." The old testament story of how and why God sent manna from heaven to feed his people is a good one.  You can find it in Exodus.  The people were uncomfortable.  They were hungry and tired and whiney and wanted relief from their conditions.....and just like a good parent does, God knew that they needed ...

I learned something from my little extra Kredit today.  Well, I actually learn something from our extra Kredit every day.  This one I can share. Today extra Kredit and I went to softball.  It was my turn to drive for carpool and even though my schedule was crazy busy, I figured out the plan to make it work.  Precious and friends took the field and XK and I went to the park.  Before long, he needed to go to the bathroom so we left the playground and headed for the park restroom.  He was trotting down a small hill and hit a puddle on concrete pavement and totally wiped out.  I was a few steps ahead and heard his head hit the pavement, I kid you not.  He was flat out on his back, in a puddle, and started to wail.  It was a hard, hard fall....I rushed to his side and did a quick check and thank goodness there was no blood.  His head hurt, and he was wet and startled but seemed to be ok.  We found our way to the bathroom.  He came o...

One of our children was giving us a bugger of a time recently.  We were at an impass as to how to handle the behavior, the attitude, the implications of it all.  We were unhappy and, quite frankly, a bit scared.  It's scary when a kid chooses defiance and to exert his or her own free will.....It's mostly scary for me because I am not wired to be a hard core punisher.  We are not strict here.  We just are not.  For lots of reasons.  We wrestled with how to handle this situation separately and as a mom and dad.  We talked, we paused, we wondered, we agreed, we disagreed......parenting is just the hardest thing ever.  Our need for approval and acceptance and admiration causes us to strive to raise children who are successful and productive in the world.  Raising such children would make us feel like we did a good job.  If we raise children who are successful and productive in the world we feel that we deserve an award for churning some...

This week Roger said he was asked to share at his morning check in meeting tomorrow and he wasn't sure what to talk about.  I thought about it and said...."maybe talk about being uncomfortable.  Covid 19 has made us all uncomfortable and forced us to adapt and sacrifice.....the protests make us uncomfortable because we have to face our own view of racism and oppression and violence....and we said yes to a foster placement last weekend and that, too, is uncomfortable.  Talk about why we always need to feel comfortable and get really crabby when we are uncomfortable."  He said, "wow.  that's deep.  We don't usually talk about things like that".  That was a few days ago.  I'm still considering and thinking about the idea of being uncomfortable. I strive for comfort constantly.  If I have a hot flash, I turn on a fan or shed clothing or something.  If I am hungry I get food.  If I am overwhelmed I take action to find quiet or alone time...

We are about 9 1/2 weeks into the Covid 19 quarantine.  What a crazy season of history we live in.  Sometimes I am standing in the trees, looking up and looking around and thinking to myself, "how did I get here?  how do I get out?  I can't breathe.....I can't think.....I can't see.....I can't do it any more"  and then just a bit later I can stand on the outside of the forest and look at the whole picture and think to myself, "well, this kind of makes sense.....I see purpose here.....I see all the petty, shallow bullshit here.....I am learning lessons here"......And then there are the moments when we watch a video of one of the kids' teachers and I start to cry and I find I cannot stop crying for, like, the whole day.   Unprecedented times.  That's what they say.   Last night I went to bed feeling guilty for all of the yelling and snapping and growling I did during the day.  I cried a lot yesterday.  I sat in my bed and wondere...

If you happen to be lucky and blessed to be a parent, hear this.  I have been lucky and blessed to be a mama for 20 years and counting.  For years I didn't want to be married or have children....until I began to ask God what he wanted for my life.  He wanted me to marry and have children.  Tomorrow is Mother's Day.  This is a day that I have celebrated for so many years.  As a single young adult, I began to remember my mom and step mom for this day and also my heart was burdened for a woman at my church named Janet.  She had a daughter a few years younger than me who died as a teen.  For many years I ordered a corsage for her to wear to church in honor of her daughter....We don't do church corsages any more.  We mostly go to the local greenhouse here and give hanging flower baskets to our moms to enjoy for the spring and summer season.  Sometimes  we give gifts.   Today I drove around the county and delivered simple cards ...

Self-regulation is one of those terms I use a lot.  When my kids are throwing a fit and I want them to calm down and use their words and communicate what they need......I reach for my list of tools that I always try to help them self-regulate.  Or mom-regulate...or whatever.  I have been a part of some good mental health conversations in the past few weeks about self-regulating and mindfulness and coping during periods of stress and adversity.  I figured covid-19 is providing us all with so much time on social media and internet, I might as well share what I'm thinking.  take it or leave it, use it or toss it.....My goal is to try to calm down, use my words and communicate what I need.  :) This situation we are all living in is causing me to be dis-regulated.  My sense of order and control and contentment is challenged all day long.  I don't feel settled or well-ordered.  I make a plan for the day and constant interruption and distractio...