He is Greater.....John 3:30 says He must become greater, I must become less"

 I've had a word bouncing around in my head and heart since we have been on vacation.  Enrichment.  The dictionary defines it this way:  1.  the action of improving or enhancing the quality or value of something.  2.  the process of making someone wealthy or wealthier. It first came to my thoughts when we were getting ready to do a gold mining tour on our second vacation day in the Black Hills.  We had to put on these yellow hats to protect our heads and I wondered if it was just part of the tour experience....and was kind of silly....esp for the teenagers....but we did it anyway.  All 7 of us.  As we navigated the gold mine tour it became quite clear why we needed to wear the helmets.  the hall was narrow and shallow....and I got the giggles hearing everyone bump their heads as we progressed through the tunnel.  Enrichment. Maybe I have wondered why we bother to do a family vacation.  Claire and Jonah couldn't join us, an...

 Philippians 4:13 says, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength."       The other night Josiah came out of his bedroom in tears.  He had already been tucked in, prayed for and kissed good-night by his dad but he couldn't sleep and he was in a state of despair and frustration and tears.  He had heard noises that scared him outside of his bedroom. Doors opening and closing.  A wierd whistling sound....all of which were amplified by a basement bedroom and a child who often struggles with anxiety.   He knew the extra kredit was in meltdown mode and that was taking up a lot of time and energy late at night after a ballgame and we were all exhausted.       With big alligator tears rolling down his cheeks, Josiah stood in front of me and said, "can I have my roller ball for being scared? (we have some essential oil blends we use)....and mom....I've been trying to say I can do all things through Christ who g...

 It's not her birthday or even the anniversary of her death....but I'm thinking about my grandma.  This grandma was my mom's mom....and the one I connect the most with......she's been gone about 8 years now and it's crazy how often I think of her and remember specific things about her.  She was a great hugger.  She had a quiet laugh and an easy smile.  She never said anything bad about anyone.  She always smelled good.  She had a houseful of kids which gave her an easy hospitality that didn't fuss if things weren't perfect before guests came over.  She was a great cook and she had great style..... This week we had potato salad for 4th of July and it made me remember my Grandma Mouw.  Yesterday I was assembling a strawberry pie and was laughing inside because the first time I tried to make one I was already married and a practicing adult and I had to call her because nowhere in the recipe did it tell me how long to bake the pie.  She seri...

 Tomorrow is Father's Day.  I have been thinking about the fathers in my life...my own dad, my step-dad, my dad-in-law....all men who I love and who I consider to be special...recently I have come to understand that aging is fragile and needs to be held with great regard.  I am now beginning to experience being the "sandwich generation" where we care for our parents and our children....which makes Father's Day even more significant.  I look to these three men and I am aware of how they have all molded and shaped me....their influence is significant.  I respond and live my life in ways that specifically relate to the relationship I have with each of them.  So Buzz, Ken, Rick....thank you for being my reason to know what Father's Day means.      I am also raising boys....who may become fathers one day....so I consider them and their strengths and weakness and what influence I can have on them now....before they are, in fact, fathers.  The ...

 1.  We answer to "mom" whether we are in the shower, on the phone, driving the car, sitting in church.....wherever we are. 2.  We leave work early and often to do phones calls and therapy appointments and family visits.  We miss a lot of work. 3.  We wonder every time there is a complaint of an ear ache or a bruise on the playground if we need to document, call, go to the ER. 4.  We sometimes champion for the bio parents and reunification and other times defend a kiddo who needs a voice and advocacy...and we wrestle with the loyalty and the crappy hand these kids get dealt.   5.  We ache and ask and hope and and wonder and dream about the perfect happily ever after for our foster kiddo. 6.  We gratefully accept gift cards and scholarships and all the helps to parent another parent's child.   7.  We are in awe of our play therapist and the knowledge and truth and advice they possess.  8.  We wonder why we thought...

 One year ago today our extra Kredit got dropped off at our home.  One year ago today he stood on the driveway and cried with his bottom lip stuck out, his baseball cap turned backwards in baggy jeans and sneakers....a very scared and sad little boy who was being moved into the home of strangers.  I put my hands on my knees and leaned down to meet his gaze and said...."I know this is scary but I promise....I promise it will be ok."  I was naming it to tame it....I didn't believe a word of it either but it was the only thing that made sense to say.   We settled into a weird normal in the midst of a pandemic and we went day by day.....and here we are, 365 days later....still trying to do a weird normal and take it day by day. Foster care is this really strange space where I try to parent another parent's child, while that child sees the actual parents regularly....and calls both sets "mom and dad".  We need to live with hope and promise for best scenario...

 Twas the night before the last day of the school year and all through the house was the crackle of excitement and expectation, some sadness and curiousity.....a giddy kind of sentiment that mixes relief with reflection....and a hopefulness that does not yet have words....except for one little extra Kredit.  This little kiddo has lots of words and his feelings don't quite match up with the other kids from his class, or the other kids in the neighborhood, or in our family.  His feelings are much more complex.   XK came home today and wanted to draw a picture for his teacher of the two of them....and write the words "Mrs. V"....and "from xxxxx" so that she would know that he sees himself with her, and that he knows that she taught him all of those letters and what they all sound like and what they all mean....and he was so so tired....from carrying the heaviness of getting ready to say another good-bye all day long....and managing all of his big feelings around th...