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a little pause

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 Yesterday we celebrated an epic day for our family.  Isaac graduated from Dordt U in the morning with a buisness/construction management Bachelor's degree.  His was the class that graduated in the pandemic and did not get a real senior year or graduation.  We were pleased and surprised when he actually went to college buecause everything was so hard that year in 2020.  He did all 4 years and got his diploma and we are so proud!  Claire also walked the stage at Dordt U having finished her masters of social work degree....something neither Roger or I ever did.  She works in Des Moines as a mental health professional and God uses her to heal and love the hurting and the lost.  I'm so so proud of them both!   Jeremiah took off work to attend the events, as did our extra Kredit son Uriel, who loves to join in all of our family holidays and special events.  He and Jeremiah both did a year of college and then said it was enough and entered the work force but still honored and appreci
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Sensory Somethings....

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 I've had a rough couple of weeks.  Nothing serious or tragic happened, it just felt like an uphill climb every day and a few days in there where I stumbled, lost my footing and it was just exhausting having to gear up to climb some more.  It's friday night and I have come to a flat landing on this mountain and I"m ready to rest a bit and take in my surroundings for a couple of days.  We don't have to travel out of town, we don't have an intense schedule for the weekend and it's time to prepare and consume some sensory  sustenance.....and to find a way to self-regulate now that there is time to catch my breath.   I have had an ah-ha moment.  When children are not regulated, and no one is co-regulating with them, and they are aware of this, there are impulse control issues.  "Why is he doing that?"  Lets see how regulated vs. how dysregulated he is.....how long does it take him to get to calm and make smart decisions vs being impulsive, destructive and
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circles

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 Years ago, my oldest kiddo was struggling with some of her relationships.  Friends she thought were good and faithful fell short.  She felt unsafe and unprepared socially and so she and I sat down together after she had vented and cried and talked through all the things.  I drew a circle, then a bigger one around it and a third bigger circle around that one.  Together we came up with a list of people she could put in the most inner circle, defined as who she could trust no matter what.  It is a small circle for a reason.  Who can you say with certainty that you know will always put you first, care for you and come through for you?  Because she wasn't sure we talked about options and why they could be reliable.....God, mom, dad (and maybe nana Barb but I don't really remember.)  The second circle includes people we care about deeply who we know care for us...and why.  We discuss who they are and what qualities they posess to put them in circle 2.  Lastly we made a bigger list o
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a weekend to rest

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 Recently I had a conversation with a  mother about self care .  She has a newborn and 2 older kids and a partner and a job.  When I asked her about her self care she looked at me like I was crazy...She had no idea of how to come up with list of things she can do that will give her peace, rest and fill her emotional cup.  I'm guessing this is not uncommon because if someone doesn't practice self care, they would not have much of a list.  I have practiced.  I have a list and I know how to use it.   This weekend I was able to stay home and Roger and Precious went on to the volleyball tournament together.  JOsiah was sad because he wanted to go to Kentucky...it sounded glamorous...but I knew it would be 2 days in the car, 2 days in the volleyball arena and 2 days driving home.  I was already tired and feeling wiped out....I needed to clean my house and sit in my rocking chair and sleep in my bed with the window open and the fan blowing on me.  Self-regulation is a big deal.   Frid
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some thoughts on fear and courage

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 We just returned from a volleyball competition in Kansas City.  These weekends of club volleyball are exciting and stressful, expensive and also costly in social and emotional currency.  Some moments gain and some moments lose in the account.  The recent article that circulated locally about why someone pulled his kids out of club volleyball was interesting to say the least.  What he didn't describe was the social and interpersonal and spiritual gain that are available by leaving town and spending time with people who don't look like you, think like you or care about the same things.....and how some of those moments are rich teaching moments between parents and children that would not be available if all we ever did was live, work and play with our local circle of peers.  I'm going to discipline myself to say no more on that topic.  I was fearful to even bring it up but I'm just tired enough tonight to feel a bit courageous as well.   My kiddo has some really deep fear
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what Love does

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 Love.   It's almost Valentine's Day so I am thinking a lot about love.   One thing love does, is it plans a date to go watch a broadway show on a tuesday night because it means he and I get to steal away for a few hours and just be us.  He had the idea.  I had the yes.  Tomorrow night we get to go do a fun thing together on a date and all the other moving parts can work around it.   Love does things like worrying about a young girl we love, making calls, saying prayers and hoping God will do what He can to rescue and redeem.   It does things like praying for families who are hurting, and helping when we can. Love wants adult children who are married or dating to grow in capacity to love bigger and better, to put the other first, to yield and to submit and to honor and to extravagantly bless one another....and love hopes that their significant other does the same for them.  Put God first, then put others, then put self.  It is irrefutably the best way.  to love.   Love misses t
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Superbowl musings, Niki-style

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 Last week I walked dogs in unexpectedly warm late winter afternoons.  I realized that when I don't walk regularly it matters.  This week I wanted to walk again but I am such a wimp and if it is cold or windy or rainy or all of those things put together, I don't want to walk outside.  I spend my work days in and out and in and out and cold and warm and cold and warm.....but today I needed to walk.  It was cold and windy and rainy.   I started my walking app that tells me when to walk slow, speed up, slow down, speed up and eventually cool down.  In my home office space in front of a cooking competition.  I looked ridiculous walking in place, dancing and prancing, moving foward and backward and working up a sweat but I got it done.  I sure did.   I got groceries because we were out of milk and I got food for "superbowl Sunday" which is not that different from any other Sunday evening.  My parents come over and we have snacks and drinks and then we eat together and clea
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