He is Greater.....John 3:30 says He must become greater, I must become less"

 One year ago today our extra Kredit got dropped off at our home.  One year ago today he stood on the driveway and cried with his bottom lip stuck out, his baseball cap turned backwards in baggy jeans and sneakers....a very scared and sad little boy who was being moved into the home of strangers.  I put my hands on my knees and leaned down to meet his gaze and said...."I know this is scary but I promise....I promise it will be ok."  I was naming it to tame it....I didn't believe a word of it either but it was the only thing that made sense to say.   We settled into a weird normal in the midst of a pandemic and we went day by day.....and here we are, 365 days later....still trying to do a weird normal and take it day by day. Foster care is this really strange space where I try to parent another parent's child, while that child sees the actual parents regularly....and calls both sets "mom and dad".  We need to live with hope and promise for best scenario...

 Twas the night before the last day of the school year and all through the house was the crackle of excitement and expectation, some sadness and curiousity.....a giddy kind of sentiment that mixes relief with reflection....and a hopefulness that does not yet have words....except for one little extra Kredit.  This little kiddo has lots of words and his feelings don't quite match up with the other kids from his class, or the other kids in the neighborhood, or in our family.  His feelings are much more complex.   XK came home today and wanted to draw a picture for his teacher of the two of them....and write the words "Mrs. V"....and "from xxxxx" so that she would know that he sees himself with her, and that he knows that she taught him all of those letters and what they all sound like and what they all mean....and he was so so tired....from carrying the heaviness of getting ready to say another good-bye all day long....and managing all of his big feelings around th...

 Sunday, May 9, 2021 was Mother's Day this year.  I woke up to a beautiful text from my firstborn, who was on her honeymoon and not here for the first time ever.  She blesses me so much....with her words, with her life, with all that she is.  Thanks Claire Barbara.  I love you so much.  Isaac moved back from the dorms late in the week so he was here to until he moves into a summer rental to practice independence and responsibility.....and we all went to church.  We had lunch reservations to eat out so no cooking for this mama....woot woot!  After our meal we went to get some flowers and plants.  We had purchased and painted terra cotta pots on Saturday and they were ready for filling....spring is rather grand.   While we were filling the pots Josiah took a tumble on his roller blades and came in crying.  We don't have great history with sunday afternoons and fractured arms....I loaded him up with motrin and an ice pack and put ...

 We have sent or hand-delivered flowers to my mom, step-mom and mother-in-law....in honor of Mother's Day tomorrow.  I received hand-made gifts, flowers and actual store-bought gifts from my children for Mothers Day this weekend....I even drove in the rain to a greenery and bought myself a flowering pot....all in the name of mothering.        This can be a hard day for those who have lost their mothers, those who long to be mothers, and for those who chose to place their child in the arms of another mother.....I am holding space for all of you.  I am keeping you all in mind and lifting you up in prayer to the God who knows and who comforts and who gives beauty from ashes......      Mothering is serious business.....it is beautiful and magical and tragic and overwhelming....it is mundane and exhausting and exceptional and unique.....it is situational and it is global.... Mothering is wiping a runny nose and kissing a bride before she...